i just have to remember ill be gone soon enough. i dont have any money so they wont care, just one more person they dont have to worry about. im so fucking stupid i should have done this sooner but i was to scared. when im alone i feel ok, but when im around other people im constantly being reminded that in im a piece of shit. im not worth anything to any one even if i did have a job and alot of money they still wouldnt care about me, its to late. its time to give up now. im still scared but […]
as you all know, I attempted suicide Friday night and had to be taken by ambulance and then to the psyche ward. While I still believe that the mentally ill should choose only if they go to treatment, I think that many would opt out once they got finished. I was one of them. After 6 days of treatment, I would have refused euthanasia. I loved the group and they loved me. I never in my life got so much positive feedback from people who was suffering just like me.
there is a problem. I’m still an alcoholic. I drank today. I called my dad and […]
New start for me, just finished off the rest of my booze and starting my medication therapy of Effexor tomorrow!!! I know I made a previous thread about this topic but I just wanted to say a few more words. I really hope I succeed this time and don’t relapse and that I react well to the Effexor. Big life changes comin’ up for me, now if I could just have that much needed confidence to face the world without fear I’ll be set. Always a work in progress I suppose. Fuck even my own optimism is annoying me lmao, sorry folks.
I just finished watching this movie.
Man, this scene killed me.
I’d go back to yesterday, when I slipped that noose around my neck but stopped when I heard them coming up the stairs. I’d hold the door shut until I was finished.
I’d go back 6 months and not send that letter to you. I’d remember to lock the front door so they wouldn’t have found me.
I’d go back 12 months and cut a bit deeper with that straight razor. I wouldn’t tell people I needed help, I wouldn’t tell them I was glad I had them, because I never did.
I’d go back 18 months and just tell you to fuck off. Maybe this could have […]
I have a feeling tonight is the night. So if it is, goodnight and I wish you all the best for your futures. I appreciate all the support tou have all given me but I dont think it was enough. Robert Frost once wrote the lines “and miles to go before I sleep/ and miles to go before I sleep.” It seems I have finished travelling the miles. So now I may sleep.
– effy stonem
Should I take a nap? I am a little stressed/depressed. Not sure which one came first. I feel angry that the world is the way it is and I am the way I am. People get all of these diseases through genetics and it just isn’t fair that you made us this way. You give us purpose to solve these medical problems, but would it not have been easier on us to just enjoy your world and each other. Thank you for allowing me to cry. I felt somewhat better for a few minutes, but I still feel the same level of stress. It’s still […]
i don’t know where to begin. I’ve been suicidal for about a year now.
I am a Christian
Let me tell you why I decided to add the previous statement to my post. Yes, as a Christian I do believe in heaven and hell. And I believe that after all I’ve done on this earth that is where I am being sent.
That’s why I’m still here. I’m afraid of what I believe awaits me in the afterlife, so I haven’t killed myself yet. I don’t want to experience hell. Trust me if I for sure knew I was going to paradise after I cut the switch I […]
I think I may have finished life a bit early. There’s really nothing more that I want out of life. Now that I think about it, I’ve never really wanted anything out of life at all, except maybe to be an astronaut when I was five. People often talk about dreams and so on, but I see those as just DREAMS, and not reality. I’m tired of living and dreaming, and ready to just go back to the earth as a lifeless clump of molecules.
Right now I’m about to do one of the things that’s going to affect me for the rest of the day and on into next week. Yard work. Sounds dumb, right?
I’m going to go out there for a couple hours to pick up the leaves and the entire time there’s going to be a nagging feeling that the neighbors are watching me out their windows and telling their spouses something like “look at wtf he’s doing. He doesn’t know wtf he’s doing, he’s doing it wrong. How the fuck could he not know how do it it? I mean it’s about time anyways because I’m […]
As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]
Hello readers/posters:
I am new to this board. Honestly, I never knew such a place existed (I guess I am less imaginative than I once thought). I found you by doing searched for methodology in suicide, which I will not share here per the guidelines and strictures of this site.
Short story of why:
I lost the joy and love of my life recently. No, not due to death. Worse. She found someone else and walked out. I was caught wholly unaware. The rage and sorrow and loss are too much.
I am not a successful man. I have a low-end job at a local donut shop. Hardly where […]
Okay, in the past week I’ve run the full spectrum of emotions. From depression, to anxiety, to straight out mania. Right now I’m manic. While I’d rather be manic than depressed. However, rather than those I would rather just feel like myself. Quiet, introverted, shy, but still secure in myself enough to know my worth. Right now I’m everything but that. Excitable, fidgety, talkative, basically sprung as though I’m about to run a 10k. Don’t like this. It’s a trap! I’m telling myself I’m more productive in this state but that’s just a lie. In actuality, nothing gets finished. Everything is left half complete, which […]
A quick disappointing blur. That is what my 23 years have been so far. Maybe it isnt worth dying over. Maybe its not that bad. I have always doubdted myself at every turn, ever since I was a young boy .When I learned that i didnt know my father because I am the product of a drunken one night stand. My biological father was not present because he had to take care of his REAL family. I now have severe social anxiety, its impossible for me to talk to women, or most people for that matter. and I stay inside with my cats most days. […]
I am so tired. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I haven’t slept in days I keep having bad dreams. My friend died a month ago, it and I keep dreaming that she died again, and wake up crying. I can’t talk to anybody. I told my sister that I had lost 10 pounds in two weeks, and she said congratulations. 🙂 But, it’s not just my friend dying. It started before that. I keep crying throughout the day. I’m supposed to be happy and friendly and helpful, but I keep having meltdowns at work. I feel ridiculous, I feel like a failure. […]
Shattering heart,
Wounded soul.
How would she deal,
With all of this pain?
Wrists flowing red,
Mind screaming thoughts.
You’ve never heard a story,
Quiet like this.
She loved to draw,
And she loved to paint.
But, she used the wrong materials,
And it was all to late.
Her pen was a razor.
And her canvas,
Her wrist.
Her canvas was covered,
But she wasn’t finished yet.
Her canvas switched,
From her wrist to her thigh.
She wanted to keep drawing,
To show everyone her pain.
The drawings were getting deeper,
She was nearing the end.
She wanted someone to find her,
With her drawings on her skin.
We’re finished unless this man comes into power? I just long for this man to be in power. I’m sick of leftism, feminism, abortion and all sorts of horrors. I believe we can make our country great again. I’ve been making plans for him and I just want him to be happy in his world. It’s all that I fucking ask for, I don’t want much in life
“I loved you. I still do.” Tears run down her face and drop from her cheeks. She looks at the lifeless body, the closed eyes and takes one hand, as she used to. It feels cold and limp. “Do you remember as a child, when you came running towards me, jumped on my lap and gave me long hugs whenever I wasn’t feeling well? Now, when I need you the most, you are not even here to hold my hands.” Her voice was weak and she stuttered, but she knew he could hear her. It was then when she noticed how peaceful he looked, as […]
I’m still alive and I do good things, Help people, I donate time and money to good causes, I have a part time job. I want to be finished. Why cant I be happy or content. I’m still alive this is weird. Its gotta be almost my time to go.