So I’ve been suffering from depression for a little over 3 years now. My Girlfriend of two years broke up with me well over a year ago. Sob story blah blah. When that happened I threatened suicide, cops, recovery ward for a week. A couple months later, police again, suicide ward. That was over a year ago. Today, and I am not shitting you I decided my life was finally just about turned around. This of course was a slow moving process. Very… Slow. Guess what happens a few hours ago? She texts me! I’m finally about over this and she texts me! After a […]
Tag:
Friendship
… don’t ever give yourself up. Fall in love, live the moment, but do never ever give yourself up for anyone. Don’t give your dreams up for anyone. And don’t live for anyone else. Live for yourself. Friendship or romantic love… “When love hurts it won’t work”.
It’s gradualy filling up.My heart is turning jet black,I just feel it.It always felt so empty but now the void is replaced with hatred and disgust.Hatred for my own kind.Hatred for myself most.I’m such a trash.A trash that live in this dump called earth.A dump filled with being I consider trash as well,all piled up together.
I just can’t feel contempt,I can’t be happy here.The only thing that kept me here so long are video games,pathetic as it may.I’m tired of wasting every days away on those stupid games so my poor little self don’t have to think about anything.I achieve nothing everyday.
I just hate humankind.
I […]
hey guys just joined up, my story is about my failure to die.
it doesn’t begin in any fancy way, just with a girl, why is it always a girl? it’s been 10 years since i fell in love with her, both of us were nine years old at the time. but there never seemed like a time for us. for years we remained friends, best friends, but as close as we were it just never happened, i could never say how i felt. then she started seeing those guys, just in it for her looks and her body. she was clever enough never to […]
I am going to die- something I always think about yet never do. There’s no one to talk to, no one to rant to, no one that truly understands me… Not that anyone needs to- if you’re going to care, don’t leave me. a majority of people I told eventually left me- why? Was i too crazy for you? Didn’t you understand me? You didn’t want to associate with a suicidal, depressed, freak? Is that it? It is absolutely the worst feeling in the world. i can’t connect with many people- you can’t just TRY to relate something to me -or even LYING – just […]
Trying to be friends with an ex
Difficult
Distances a bit better
But in most cases
Difficult
That is why no one believes in being friends with an ex.
I thought my friendship with this one certain ex was different
but i realized we were distanced.
Person lived in another area while I was in another.
Thought our friendship was different.
But I guess I was wrong
Friendship was nothing but a great disaster
Once I heard what was really going on.
I flipped out. Thought there was a great trust. But now I guess not. I believe that in the past they were all lies. Nothing but lies. If that person really trusted me, person would have […]
Losing a great friendship for after so many years
is like you never have met them.
Strangers at the beginning with no history.
Friendship in the middle
Thought friendship was supposed to last forever
A great friendship at least.
Thought it was supposed to be
So many history together
So many memories
Just became forgotten.
So much doubts
So much distance
But it was worth it.
Now Strangers at the end
There’s no tomorrow
Only cuz there was yesterday
Change is difficult.
And at the end,
Strangers once again.
Once you told them you loved them
It just goes downhill
No hope
No light
No faith
No trust
No anything
Just nothing
But dead memories
Its true
People change
Even if they don’t want too
People will eventually change
And all you have too do is..
is move on.
Accept […]
I have a friend, my best friend.. Â we have been friends since kinder garden, we were always there for each other.. no matter what.. and that is great and all, but i feel like i don’t deserve that friend. Because a couple og months ago i was at a party having a good time and all, then this really hot girl walks up to me and we start talking, everything is fine we start making out we walk to a bed room start undressing, and right before we are gonna do it my fried enters the room.. and he sees me with the girl and […]
It is difficult to pretend
Just watch these strangers
Who used to be really great friends
The quietness
The loneliness
The awkward gestures
The familiar faces
The memories
The guilt
The shame
Wanting to say hey
Hoping for a long conversation
Time
Every second
Every hour
Every day
Every fight trying to save the friendship
Every arguement just creates the situation worse
Tired of trying sometimes
Stupid memories leave me alone
No one cares
So stop
Angel doesn’t care as well
It’s too late
If he cared he would have answered he’s phone already
He would have texted Shadow back
He would have replied to his email
He already told Shadow to stop worrying about it
Shadow already know it is too late
Only thing to do is give up the fight
Shadow has to surrender this friendship.
Shadow understands
Angel doesn’t want to be friends anymore
Shadow knows her faults
Always be her fault
She should leave now
Angel doesn’t care
Reality is a *****
But Shadow really does understand
She hope to understand
She tried
But its too late
I’m sorry
I have failed you
You were a great friend
Actually might have been a great; best friend
That may never come true…
But…
I wish…
To spend one day together
Driving through the woods
With the music loud
And the windows rolled down
Taking awesome pictures
Ending by a relaxed time at the beach
Just wishing we had that special friendship
A bond
That will be strong
And a cherished memory
That will be remembered forever
It’s hard to pretend
Just watch those strangers
Whom used to be really great friends
The quietness
The loneliness
The awkward gestures
The familiar faces
Mostly…
The memories
The guilt…
The shame…
Wanting to say hey
Wanting to share a long conversation
… Changes…
Every second
Every hour
Every day
Every time
Every fight trying to save the friendship
Every arguement just creates the situation worse
Tired
Tired of trying sometimes…
My mom had at the time helped me to understand the gravity of what happened, what I’ve done, and what the future of my friendship to my friend looked like. My moms prediction- Not good (and if my mom felt something to be true, it was most likely true.) I had felt that I would get an answer like that , but at least I had an answer. (because I knew that my friend’s mouth wasn’t budging and neither was her mother’s.)
My mom had told me that I should let go of my friend, because as she put it was ” Tragically ended.” It pained […]
My trip to the guidance office proved to be as hopeless for solace as I figured. My guidance councler is a very nice and upbeat woman, but at the time of my arrival that day, she seemed to be handling other jobs of her own. Even though I was really upset at that point, I was really just glad to sit in a chair and get away from my friend for a while.
I regained my composure and I sat in the chair with much embarrassment. I felt embarrassed for being in there and I felt more embarrassed that I let everyone see me so upset […]
i’ve had so many troubles throghout my life. loved ones dying, friendship brake ups, cheating, agressions, sexual harsments, lies, broken promises. yeah it may seem like they are little reasons but they sure were powerful enough to weaken me little by little. though i haven’t lost it all. i still have faith, hope, & love. even if i have hate, grudges, and disappointments as well. & even if i want to die, i still have hope to have desire to live. i have my lovely family that truthfully love me, few friends that love me and appriciate me. i have that idea to live for […]
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
I hate it when every time i feel like i’m getting somewhere with maintaining and re-establishing my 8 year friendship with my best friend she finds a new way to dimish all hope of us still being friends when we leave school and i don’t have alot of time because year 11 finishes in 10-11 weeks and my friend will stop going to school to go to tafe and it’s frustrating because it feels as though i’m the only one fighting for our relationship, because i’m the one to ask her do you want to see a movie? go shopping? or have a sleepover? and every single time […]
It’s around 4:30am, I have work in a few hours, I wanted to make a post about how I’ve been thinking and thinking of people who came and went in and out of my life. Why have I always been overly attached to those people?
In middle school I dated a family friend’s son. I was with him for about 1 and a half year? I never  grew attached to him like I was gonna do with the next 3 upcoming men in my life. I did happen to love this kid, but it never actually cried and ache for him. After that was over, I […]
When i first decided to stop drinking and eating entirely I made the decision to die, at the time that I began my painful journey I had already felt no need to eat anything at all, the thought of a big juicy hamburger nauseated me. With many of those seeking a chance to escape, I plea with you to decide between Irrational Suicide and Compassionate death, I know that it may sound ridiculous to for whatever reason to willingly kill yourself, period. Many people who take this path are those who are already dying and have wanted to shorten their suffering, this is the difference […]
My plan for a long time has been pills and a letter left behind for my family. I’ve never had any specific date and I’ve never known what to take or the dosage or anything like that. I have never gone into specifics with the plan. I don’t know, maybe that’s a sign?
Thing is, every time I come close to figuring out the specifics, something comes up and gets in the way of the plan for a while. Things like my best friend needing me and me knowing that I need to be there for her because she needs a proper family even if […]