There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course […]
Tag:
Fuck
Instead of trying to achive something I rather smoke weed and not think about anything. I dont even know what I’m afraid of. People. I’m pathetic.
I told myself I would work since I have about 1000 euro in Debt. Instead I’m just sitting here, numb. Not wanting to do anything. Im fucking pathetic.
I was supposed to start my new job next week. I called and emailed them. No response. Im guessing they dont want me anymore. Must be because I’m ugly as fuck.
I feel betrayed by someone I miss deeply. I hate it when people dissapear, without any clue. Id rather have someone telling […]
So my plan was to have tons of sex before i die, i have had a lot so far, but hit a bump in the road, i have hpv.. (genital warts) and i always use protection during sex, thisis the first breakout ive had in 2 years.. ive tryed freezing them off, taking multi vitamins, and there healing now, so ive tryed to hang myself 3 times the past month, and oviously failed, but i have a new method, charcol gas grill, in my car, i know i will die soon, i guerentee it, mabe the next week, mabe next month, certintly before 2013, […]
fuck it. it seems two of my posts have been removed. Why they would leave the last be, is beyond me, seeing as they all deal with suicide. I cannot comprehend why this topic is so taboo. What good will come of this censorship. The right way to move forward would be to have an open and constructive discussion. Whatever, it just bums me out. I can’t even find my drafts, so all is lost. and they were fine posts, with comments from people showing interest (or sarcasm).
I cant fuck up my suicide again but im getting out of this world tonight.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSgFCzGBjcg
GO!
To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A séance down below.
There’re things that I have done,
You never should ever know!
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it’s so,
That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows
That without you is how I disappear,
well im bored as fuck. have to “get up” in 5 hours il probably stay up…so if anyone wants to talk bout ANYTHING e-mail me: hannahschelling.15@gmail.com
I’ve always believed in giving everyone another chance and to forgive but not forget and all that, but what happens when the person who fucked up your life the most apologizes? The so called man who pushed your friend to commit suicide and your brother to attempt? The so called man who bullied and harassed you not only physically and emotionally, but sexually too for years before who took that final step and raped you. The reason you don’t trust, you don’t sleep and the reason you don’t even recognize yourself. Am I suppose to take the “right” way out and forgive him? Or do […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
My life is the worst. Whatever i do i feel sad. And the thing is that im not supposed to! I have a great family, good grades, going to a high school that is the best in town, i have friends, people sometimes think im interesting and many people would say that i look just like a regular teenager. But… even though i have all that im suicidal. The thing is that i can’t find any joy whatsoever in my life. I hate school, i hate every subject, i hate watching TV, i hate playing games, i hate my friends, i hate all people at my school, i hate my […]
I have had 16 years of anxiety ridden life. The social phobia has gotten the best of me, I have no friends and am not in school. I stopped going last year in October.. After I ran away.
I was living in a dilapidated house. The ceilings leaked, the water pipes didn’t work, there was no heat. It had been less than a month that we lived there and we loved there due to transitions of homes. We were waiting for things to go through with the house we would be renting. Anyways, I was dealing with that and then school. I have no friends, […]
I am so ready to leave. plan on my daughter’s birthday (yes, a daughter that I don’t get to see) to leave this pathetic fucking life. Funny that so many believe in a fictious god, but think (because a dumb book) that you will be damned if you leave this crappy shit earlier. There is no god, and there is nothing after this bullshit. We are just like any other animal on this planet, look at all of our actions. We go to war for what reason? There is more than enough land on this planet to live. We keep others financially strap for what […]
Fuck. My life has never been worse. I mean, there have been and are really shitty things in my life. Things I can’t control. But it has got to the point where I can’t see a way out anymore.
I realise that I have a lot to live for. My family really needs me, as do my friends. They all love me. I am  trying really hard to keep up my academic side. I was actually focusing on that when the shit storm hit.
I had a boyfriend. Fuck that is depressing having to write that in the past tense. People say stupid shit like ‘Oh yeah, […]
crap… just fuck and whatever…
Im freakin alive… Urgh…
I like am sure Im gonna die, I mean I drank 20 times the normal amount! It says in research that what I drank (200 mg) is lethal since one girl died of suicide by drinking 240 mg of what I drank…
damn damn damn it all!!!
i WAS FREAKIN FREAKED OUT… i WANNA TRY AGAIN BUT HELL… Â What am I gonna do now… I didnt plan far ahead… FUCK
what I drank isnt over the counter, its even seriously strong… when I drink one for my allergies, I get knocked out seriously… but I did 20!!! oh man… and Im here, […]
So why the fuck would anybody stay around after all this, fuck that, i know im still here but my body wants to die and i dont know how im going to get passed this, its really not worth trying, once im gone, i wont have to worry how im going to live, where im going to get money, nah..i cant, ive lived this way for a year and its not getting any better,
I love venting on here, im just so fucked in my head, i cant see right, really am not taking much more, for real, i dont really care about anything anymore, and thatsmo re re
I wanna get high as fuck.
Fuck myself over before I, well… Fuck myself over.
Don’t want to hear about how drugs are bad, I just want this all to stop. I want to kill myself. It’s nobody’s fault? Just my own. I have no future, no present and my past is as fucked as my head.
Thanks Daniel, Seriously. You have helped me with this decision. Well done, I know that’s what you wanted. I’m not a paranoid schizophrenic, well at leastI hope i’m not…. I didn’t expect it to come to this when I researched it.
Did I make this up? Fuck knows.
Please don’t leave, Silentblue. I […]
…is like oral sex: Â if I don’t get it, I don’t have to give it.
You’ve got happy people who don’t want you ‘dumping’ on them–completely self-absorbed assholes who maintain their own happiness by living 100% for themselves and if you don’t feed that happiness or serve a purpose for them, then you’re a boil.
Then you’ve got people who hurt so bad, they can’t see past their own problems. Â They have such an urgent need to talk, they shut out other people who also need to talk, so they go around desperately looking for someone to ‘dump’ on, while not helping anyone else themselves. Â It takes […]
I purely and thoroughly hate myself. There’s no sugar-coated layer to hide the fact of the matter.
Ever since I was a kid, clinical depression has lingered in every thought I’ve conceived. In public, I have it all: grades, musical/athletic talent, friends to fuck around with on the weekends. Reality? I’m smart, but totally unmotivated. I can answer questions in class and still not account for shit when it comes to my work. Music takes up my whole time, so what’s left for sports? I don’t want to get any unhealthier, but Jesus, my motivation spectra is as broad as the water level in the Saharra Desert. And sure, I have friends… Even that’s subjective, […]
my therapist told me today that  because medicine didnt help, my depression is the fault of the way i choose to act and interpret things. so basically its all my fault im depressed. fuck the world.