I’m done. I can’t believe I have to keep waking up for the next… what? How long? I don’t know what is going to happen with my marriage or anything else. I don’t know how my … self… is going to affect my kids. How long am I going to just be getting from one end of the day to the other? I don’t want to say it’s unfair, because no one’s inflicting it on me. I don’t know how God works, but I know God doesn’t work like this. Personal freedoms, free-will, poor choices, poor judgment.. Tendencies toward self destruction, self harm, self abuse. […]
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God Doesn
Over a year ago I lost my sister to suicide and I still don’t get why she did it. She did not leave a note and I don’t remember there being any sign of her wanting to kill herself. It was not the first time she had attempted to kill herself, in fact it was the 3rd time. The kicker of it all though is that each time she attempted I was the one who found her.
They always say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I don’t want to handle this, I’d rather have her here […]
I just read a post here by the user JerzyBoy. It broke my heart to read that such a beautiful soul hurts so much. Dear JerzyBoy, I love you too. I must not know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope if God doesn’t even seem to help. I can’t possibly imagine your pain and your broken spirit and mind. I hope you continue to live and something miraculous happens to make your life worth while for you. To imagine you dying is breaking my mind, to be honest. To imagine you taking your own life churns my stomach and I […]
I grew up in the church. Hell, I should say I was the church. At many of the churches I attended, my five older siblings, my parents, the pastor, and I made up the whole congregation. But that didn’t matter. Because the God I knew and loved was there. He was in my church, he was in my thoughts, he was in my life… but somewhere along the lines, one of us left. Now, it’d be easy to point fingers and say that I left. After all, I’m the human being shaped in iniquity, and He’s the all-knowing God. But me? Why would I leave? […]
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jppeters
I’ve read this journal for years. I want to show God how unhappy I am for taking this amazing little child too early. If God doesn’t want us to be greedy, why is he greedy for the death of children? But no it’s ok. I’m doing fine. I have a guide dog and all I want. Life is fine. I’lljust pretend that death feels ok, I’ll pretend not to grieve, while inside I’m sick of hearing about people dying after fighting for their lives for years. It’s a pity this kid had a life-saving surgery, only to die of influenza because God didn’t want him […]
I know I’m new here. I’ve had these thoughts in my head for years, but no one understands me. My meds are off. I’m trying new ones, but they aren’t working fast enough.  Every med I’ve tried either doesn’t work or has side effects that are worse than the damn depression. Therapists have never worked. I’ve never found one that I liked or trusted. I’m afraid that the first one I talked to honestly would dump me in a looney bin or have me forcibly committed. So I can’t open up to them. Basically, everything in my relationship is my fault. Everything. When I try […]
I’m home alone, the only thing I can hear is the clocks ticking and my heart beating. that’s not entirely true, I hear my thoughts. my awful thoughts that tell me that I’ve had enough. the thing is I’m scared to give in. I’m scared to give up.
I was watching a movie with my family the other night, and I remember what one of the characters said to another, “Fear is what keeps us alive” right about now, I’m assuming that’s true. that’s the only thing keeping me alive. I want to die, but I’m afraid of what will happen to everyone else. leaving behind […]
Killed the children of our love
Filled our lives with pills
A journey of pain from the start
It’s gonna rain
and I don’t have a heart
I am ashamed of what I’ve done
Will you cry when I am gone?
What if God doesn’t exist
Will you let me be dead meat?
I’ll be here for you
When your life stops making sense
Cause death is so intense…
We’ll meet in hell again
When you feel well again
So we can start again
I don’t know.
I find myself every day saying this. I repeat this word alot. I’ve been living with the spectre of suicide since I was 8, I’ve hated life since then.  I saw my grandfather lying in the casket, and everyone was crying, I didn’t understand until I went over and told grandpa to wake up… he didn’t wake up.
Grandpa was just sitting there, not moving. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t getting up. I kept hoping he would get up, thinking that he was just asleep, but he was too still. In my little mind, I knew he was too still. I learned about […]
Hello everyone. I’m female, 17 y.o. – actually i’m turning 18 in 2 days. This is my first post. I’ve read the posts in this site before, but it wasn’t until now i decided to write something. It’s not the first time i’ve been thinking about suicide, as you can tell. Since the age of 11 i’ve been depressed most of the time, and i think i’ve forgotten what “joy” even means. I’ve never gone too far in my attempts, i’ve stood on the edge countless times, i’ve tied so many nooses and climbed high building, and i’ve actually prayed, i’ve prayed day and night […]
Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation cause he’s trying to change your heart.
Well, most people woud think that I’m stupid, so I dont think it would be a good idea to post my side of the story, because I even told my mom about it but she thinks that I’m crazy or something. Anyway, I been thinking of suicide for a while too. I felt that there was no use of living anymore when I become depressed because of my sins I’ve commited. Well, most of the times I feel that God doesn’t even care for me because of my past sins. I even tried to repent but still feel miserable and embarrassed. Therefore, I feel if […]
i keep getting medical issues, and in highschool its just tough to deal with. And beyond that i just got diagnosed with bipolar, and i am just tired, but i know in a few hours i will be happy, and fine. I am so happy and then i get so sad, i just don’t know whether living is worth it… i know you are going to say well you’ll be happy, but then i know i will just fall again. And meds don’t work, they make it worse, and counsling does shit… God doesn’t do much either…. so i just am lost and feel done. […]
Well, I feel no reason to live. I have my dreams. They’re unattainable. Everything else is suffering. I’m thrilled by the idea that I can simply stop it all by putting a gun against my head and ending it all instantly. No more pain no more suffering. Why do we exist? It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t exist because we weren’t able to think before we were alive. If were dead, it’ll be the same. So, logically if i don’t believe in God the literally logical thing to do is put a bullet in my brain. All suffering eliminated and I can’t think anymore to […]