There was a guy
An underwater guy
Who controlled the sea
Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
From New York and New Jersey
If a Man is 5
And if the Devil is 6
Then God is 7
I have always wanted a best friend, and the only thing close to that was this girl named Breanna*, but she got mad a lot at me for not thinking the was she does and she had another group she would hang around with and i dont think they liked me because in a way i was a higher class then them but i never saw people as classes i just saw them for who they were. Anyway back to my point, it is not like i dont have any friends, but these friends are more like, how would you put it.. acquaintance. Everyone seems to […]
Huh? Funny. Not.
As of today I had a taste of that one step of ‘that-edge-of-the-cliff-stairwell’.
Just a taste, I’m still not sure if I’m ready to accept the To be/feel Disregarded step.
I’m not making sense. Because my mind is quite jumble as to what’s happening. I can feel the despair eating my insecurities.
My fingers are part of my emotion not my mind. I keep on typing, typing.
My God, I think I’m getting mad. As in the ‘nutcase’ kind.
This is to fast. Everything’s happening too fast. I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready.
That bottle is just there, a few steps away. 14 paces to be exact.
It […]
This feeling it hurts a lot I wish it would go away. Everyday I wake up pretending to be happy putting on a fake smile for everybody to see. I feel so alone and unwanted by everyone no one understands they or love me . Just tolerate me or push me to the side. I seem to cry every night the days are getting longer and I think that is if I hurt myself I would feel some type of real emotion. Or maybe just that one step into the street can end everything. Poof! I’ll be gone and life can continue like it always […]
I made the worst mistake of my life by trying to end it. But the craziest thing happened. It became the biggest blessing as well. I grew up hearing things like, “you’re ugly,” “worthless!” “a mistake” “why didn’t you get an A?” This over time by family, peers, and our culture in general just eroded my self-confidence and by the age of 23 I was in full blown anger and depression. I was so tired of being rejected, judged, teased, bullied, etc that I couldn’t see any other solution but taking my life and so I tried. Well, God decided he had another plan and […]
I’ve lived more than half my life, only to realize I haven’t lived at all. I’ve existed, for what purpose I don’t know. Life’s amusement I suppose. I always picture those old movies where the gods are standing idly by over some sort of cauldron as the human race slowly imploads. Only I see myself a puppet guided by the slightest of hand, made to teeter with one foot firmly on solid ground and the other dangling into the abyss of the unknown. Funny thing is I don’t believe in god or the like. I do however believe in kharma and the ability of a […]
When will i feel accepted, or truly beautiful .. When will these scars leave my body forever. Why does this “god†hate me so much.
This is my first post. I’m  a 31 yo female, a cutter, overweight and ugly….I deal with the pain every day. My dad is getting on in years and he has been forgetting a lot lately, which makes me even more sad becuz I know that he has real reasons to be depressed and want to die, but he doesn’t. But maybe it’s cuz he forgot he wanted to. My pain is mostly from love.
In 2011 I met someone I fell in love with, hard, and I know he didn’t feel the same way. How could he, I’m me! But over all this time […]
i feel like the sky is about to fall
i hope i can get a rele job that isunt with my dad or on boats i whant to do pub gigs folow the pofrming arts do some thing so i can just pay the bills but thats not going to happun is it i whant to have a famaly do a beter job than my dad and mum i whant to fall in love but thats not going to happun love killd me long long time ago now my deth hornts my dreems it such a god day why do i feel like this all iv […]
Sometimes I wake up, lay in bed and just think I want to die then spend the next couple of hours thinking about how to do so. Sometimes I wake up and feel a little hope. And sometimes I wake up and I can’t help but think of last nights nightmare. My dreams are so uncomfortable and horribly vivid. They’re so vivid that I think about my dreams through out the whole day because they’re so uncomfortably real that I feel like it happened… Anyways throughout the whole day I’m just an emotional roller coaster I’m fine, I’m sad, I’m crazy, I’m hopeful (this is […]
Hello everyone ! I’m doing this project i call ‘Tell me your story’. I did a facebook page & a blogspot. But I need YOUR help to make this work.I want to provide a way for everyone to interact with each other. This is how it works. You tell me your story, I tell everyone else. You could be known or stay on anon. It’s all up to you. What matters is that your story will be heard. People will know that you exist. You will leave a trace that you once existed. You will help other not do the same mistakes you did or […]
I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]
I’m tired of trying to be like I was before; happy, etc. I just want to take a break for a little while. I’m not going to cut, or at least I’ll try not to, but I’m not going to really be happy either. I think that Trevor doesn’t like me. I’m not using any buts this time. No hope for it. I’m done with him. For real. No crawling back. Thinking back on it, he’s probably at least 25% of why I was so unhappy before. I just don’t care about him. I mean, I don’t even want to think about him. Or any […]
this is Ryunosuke Akutagawa a Japanese writer i like him he killed himself in 1927 i am planning to free myself of this world in 2014 two year before the global oil peak in 2016 like Ryunosukei feel uneasy about the future HOW DO I GET BARBITURATES Ryunosuke killed himself with an overdose of barbital in the afterlife if i cant be with god i wish to go to the same place as Ryunosuke
I’ve been depressed for about 6 years. Â I’ve been thinking pretty much these thoughts throughout the entirety of that time period- the thoughts becoming more complex and clear or unclear as time passed. Â I’m 18 now. Â It has been especially bad this year getting ready for college. Â The thoughts of moving out and beginning the rest of my life are eating away at me. Â I never really thought I would get this far but I did. Â The fact that I’ve only been here 18 years is killing me. Â I’ve only been here 18 years. Â How can I possibly put up with 70 more years […]
I just came out to my Dad tonight. I did not plan that at all. Came up totally unexpected. He came to talk to me because he noticed I was depressed and struggling and eventually things led to wanting to come out to him. I was so scared. I knew it was something I needed to do though. It took me so long to get it out. He’s a super conservative Catholic…so you can see why I would be scared shitless. He took it surprisingly calmly. But I don’t feel the relief I wish I had felt. I still feel like he doesn’t fully accept […]
“This fairy tale might be based on memories of the Great Famine of 1315 – 1322, which caused millions of deaths by starvation in Northern Europe. Catastrophic weather patterns produced greatly diminished yields in crops. The resulting calamity hit all echelons of society and many incidents of child abandonment and cannibalism have been documented by the chroniclers of the times.
Into this grim landscape come the innocent children, who are fully attuned to the gravity of their situation. Stripped of the protection and security offered by a properly functioning family, the children must make […]
I wanna be strong enough.
to fight.
I wanna be tough enough.
to survive.
but even fighters gotta give.
and even weaklings gotta live.
i want to breathe, but it’s too hard.
I want to feel, but i got no heart.
I sold it,
a long long time ago,
sold it to the devil,
along with my soul.
And God won’t help.
He hasn’t for a while.
but i still pray,
But I guess it’s not His style.
He doesn’t care for me,
he does’nt care at all,
I guess I’ve asked too much of Him,
Cause he won’t answer when I call.
So I’ll […]
This was originally a much longer post.
Until I saw other people getting responses whilst you cunts ignored ME.
Thanks for proving me right. There’s no one who gives a fucking shit about me here, either.
Fucking cunts.
  
i don’t believe in the cult but i like there suicide method and like them i hope god picks me up when i die on the back of an angel im turning 21 next year i know that i can buy vodka but what about the phenobarbital does anyone know how to get barbiturate phenobarbital or does anyone now how to make barbital was marketed as vernol