so because im new to this i will just state my problem and what i hope to be the solution i am 18 years old my name is kyle i have worked my entire life to be a good person the best person actually but i am a loser i am overweight i am unhappy i have a girl i love her name is miranda everything i have is breaking she doesnt understand how much i love her or how much i care about her i have never hurt her lied or cheated on her we have been dating for 6 months she loves me […]
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Ok. So my step dad is taking my little twin sisters.. Just when we started becomming a real family again.. Jade os okay with it.. She wants to but Brianna is unsure. How is a child sopossed to choose between her mom and sister and he twin sister. God im so scared.. Everythings falling apart.. My mom is becomming depressed.. My depression is getting worse.. It doesnt help that my step dad is addicted to the computer.. He cant even cook himself a meal.. He is late for work EVERY SINGLE DAY. He wont be able to get up and get my sisters to school.. […]
I killed my buttyrflies -.- I had forgotten how it feels to cut… God I missed it… Waited all summer to do it again. I’m sorry Jacob… I tried but I wanted it so bad. :3 I want more. -.-
I found something were I express myself and it’s kinda a relief. I’ve never really wanted to start this journey, but I’m now researching to see what’s easiest for me and my family. I’ve looked up for insurance laws in Missouri, and I’m wanting to check to make sure that my children and mother will be alright. I’m done with trying to raise my children alone. It’s so hard to teach them the right way to live their lives. I pray that their fathers can do better,  if I’m gone. Please pray that my mother can start over and not be so dependent on me. […]
I seem to have screwed up by wanting time to myself….
Anyways… I feel like shits all going down hill…. I just got a bill in the mail. A quick recap, I have had a credit company call me, my brother piss me off just by waking up and watching tv (not his fault, just odd reaction), I thought I lost a friend, and then when I needed alone time and came back, looks like the friend is now ignoring me…
And now I am being told im not being ignored…
I am just too fucking confused…
I hate this, today is the shittiest.
I just want to go grow […]
when i see people sad and depressed on here it makes me sad and depressed. i decided im not going to write one note but a to couple people i actually love. one of the only things that makes me not want to get hit by that train, hang myself, blow my brains out. is the few people have been saving me all of this time. one of my best friends has been in boot camp. i dont want him to find out. i hope by the time he comes back everyone will have forgotton me, he will have forgotton me. i never go through with this. but i know how badly […]
I never liked life for what it appears to be: a process of disilllusionnement
I was trusting and full of hope as a kid, but this was because I used to idealize life and people’s intentions
life experiences later, I’ve become rather suspicious and apathetic
I don’t think we’re here to find our purpose or happiness .. I feel like we’re here to chase after things, only to realize those things were just illusions .. the more you believed the illusion to be real, the more brutal the wake-up will be, the harder it is to swallow the pill of letting go
I was led to believe in certain […]
uh. I am so alone. I have NO ONE. i have not left this house with any friends since probably May. I pushed everyone away. Why? everyone betrayed me. My friends all talk meaningless about me. My boyfriend dumped me a little before we turned a year together, right after i lost my virginity to him. I am a total dumbass. God, and this is just friends. Family? yeah. nah uh. My parents are on the point of divorcing. Always chaos in my house with either me and mom, me and dad, dad and mom, sister and sister, and me or sister.
Ive been through so […]
I really could just finish this now. All the bullshit from others, self loathing, anxiety and depression could be gone with just one slit. The knife is in my hand, no one is here to stop me, and even if they were, I doubt they would with how they feel about me now. I really want to do it and get it over with, but I just can’t seem to do it. God knows why, I mean it’s for the best, so why can’t I? Maybe somewhere inside I think it will get better, or maybe I am scared of failing that just like everything […]
Im exhausted.. But I can’t sleep.. All I can do is think. I cant even talk about it because everyone I used to talk to thinks I’m finally better.. And I dont want to dissapoint them anymore. I feel alone. Â I dont know what to do.. I dont know what to think.. I dont know whaT to say. I just want to hold my guy.. But that isnt going to happen anytime soon.. I just want to cuddle him.. And love him.. But I cant. God.. Why was I even born?No readon at all.. The world would be exactly the same if I were never […]
it ain’t cutting it with your dame “I’m a Christian” Ius hypocritical and I’m not buying it , You go out and Fuck anything and EVERYTHING that walks and then u get on my case about Esteban Whom I’ve been with over a Year and a Half, I Have a Better relationship Then u Will EVER have!!!…. You Go and use God on EVERYTHING ! U dated the drug addict then the Drunk then the Crack head I told u “he’s bad he’s only using u for money to buy his Drugs, aren’t u Fornicating ? Ain’t that bad if ur so called Godly?” […]
wells, idk what to call today, good or bad? its a cross. yeah but more lows then highs unfortunately. i have a weird feeling to cut, i cant, gotta be strong. its been 3 weeks why break? idk i thought i was doing so well. i was wrong. i fake it too well. now here i am falling apart. im becoming me. and its showing. my wall is tearing down. im becoming uncovered. idk what i want, god im crazy. im so messed up. im losin it. ugh why? me? ugh. sad? lonely? happy? together? mad? slow? fast? nice? a *****? idk what i am. […]
We all come with baggage of insecurities, fears, shortcomings, emotions. We all feel, that’s what makes us Human. But…some of us are born with something extraordinary, an ability to feel a lot stronger. It’s a gift and a curse. When we are happy, others can’t comprehend how happy, but when we are engulfed by darkness, we feel miserable enough to die. I speak from the inside perspective, and it really isn’t easy to live with. Sometimes, I look at the sky from somewhere high up, and am ready to reach for the heaven and jump. Other days, I feel so powerful, like i can do […]
I need everyone who is feeling bad, terrible, down, lonely, worthless, hopeless, unimportant, to take one minute from your life and think.
Think how beautiful the world is, because of your excistence. Think how much you’ve helped the others who were feeling bad, by posting your own stories. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! All of us here are just like one family. The same things, the same problems, the same stories.
Just think one minute; if not for God, you wouldn’t be here right now, reading this.
You’re God’s creature, He looks at you, and loves you even though you’re not perfect. I am not perfect. […]
I’m SORRY! sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…. God I’m sick of being the problm. Always fighting just because I exsist… Fighting over me… I’m sorry… I always cause fights between my mom and stepdad just by exsisting! I wish they could be happy together again, but that can’t happen as long as I’m alive. It hurts. They were screaming and cussing and I couldn’t take it. It hurt… It’s all my fault. I HATE him…
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
I was a liar. Am a liar. It’s the sort of thing that you can’t really speak about in the past tense. It started when I was really young, in elementary school when my parents got divorced. I would lie to both parents to get what I wanted. And I would get what I wanted. They weren’t big things like an mp3 player or a new toy or something, just small things that weren’t very important, non tangible things like a play date or some sympathy; a hug. Then they got bigger and bigger. I would plan things out, these huge deceptions and falsities, as […]
i was so close. so close. my evil sister told my mom that the past few days i have been overdosing (she knows everything bout me) my mom went into a flip attack and started screaming at me other shit i was so hurt my sister told more hurt my knew before i left the earth. she was contemplating letting it go or taking me to the hospital. she chose hospital. ha i got out of that, thank god. now im in trouble. like lots of trouble. i want away and out of my family im fed up qith them, they parent based on […]
We have all seen the “goodbye” posts here.  Mine is gonna be a bit different.
Yesterday, my therapist basically told me that she can no longer see me until I become more stabile.  She thinks I need “in-patient care”.  I really do not want that.  My wife (who has recently become aware of my issues) has been amazingly supportive.  She says she still thinks meds and a pychiologist that comes highly recommended (without being locked up in the nut house) is how we should proceed.
Ya, it does scare the crap out of me.  But, I have done a number of legit suicide attempts.  And just […]
All I want to do is to sleep.
Permanently.
As a Christian, I was taught to give thanks every morning, to be grateful that I am alive and well. Unfortunately, I am doing the exact opposite. I keep asking: “Why am I still alive this morning?” I pray to God to take my life away because (initially) I don’t believe in suicide.
Apparently that didn’t help much because I am still alive and kicking.
And so here I am, contemplating suicide… With suicide I know for sure I will never have to wake up again…