So my friend is here. Thank god for that. She really helps me, just by being here and caring. I am so scared of tomorrow because I find out the edict of what my doctor is going to decide. I really don’t want to be locked up again, but you know that by now. I’ve decided to do whatever she says, though, even give her my writings, just as long as i get my say first. My mom is on to me. She found the broken glass. I am so sensitive. Everything makes me want to cut. Everything. My mom is so worried. I don’t […]
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God
So i cut the other day ; over 100 hundred of them. My ex was bothering me and making fun of me calling me fat and ugly apologized and i didn’t believe him. His exact words were “go ahead cut urself i dont care cut ur arm of for all i care” i cried and did it. They are healing but i have never done something like what i did. It hurt really bad i almost passed out. My mom knows and thank god she isn’t mad. But yeah that’s all i really have to say.
Im so tired of this shit. completely exhausted. its a fucking saturday night and everyones ditched me.only because i cant drink or smoke pot. you know what, this worlds better off with out me, not like anyone would show up to my funeral. i lost the one person who actually cared and hes not coming back so whats the fucking point anymore. i feel like a useless pawn that should have died years ago. please god if you exsist, just make this shit go away…..for the love of your one and only son please. cant take it anymore im tired of being alone tired of […]
I want to die. I don’t understand why, but I am getting so close. I am only 16 year old… but in the past year I have completely fell apart mentally. Starving, vomiting, cutting. Flashbacks, tears, pain. I’m so tired of it. I am in counseling but I don’t want to open up. I can’t open up. I’ve really tried, but it’s so painful. My parents didn’t care until they were forced to. I don’t talk at home. The last few months I have been trying to hold on for everyone who loves me. I am trying, trying so hard to focus on that. No […]
It is truly hard to say.
But today has become the day.
Swearing to be more.
All to hear your every adore..
I do not want to be adored..
I’d much rather be ignored.
My hate envelopes me.
My blood it falls for only thee.
I once said I’d die without you.
But I never asked what you would do.
Ive sharpened my knife and said my good word.
Though it may never be heard.
Hardly can one accept my means to an end but..
It’s so much easier to bleed by the cut.
I once screamed to your face and begged for your love.
Ever since before i was born almost 17 years ago has my family been fucked up.
I have such high expectaions to live up too, and YES this includes suicide.
My uncle killed my aunt, and then killed himself
My cousin committed suicide left a note for his family that read “I’m in the shed”
I have no fucking way out.
MY PARENTS think i’m okay, i’m really not.
Ever since high school started 3 years ago, i’ve been hiding the fact that i cry my self to sleep and that i wish to die. I’ve been close, so many times but i’m lucky to have such a friend to help […]
I know what you’re thinking… “I’m going to tell this depressed person, either to contact professional medical help, call mom dad family or friend, just don’t do it because all life should be valued.”
Please don’t tell me this again. I’ve been to countless therapists over the course of my entire life so far. All I want is for someone to understand why I would want to kill myself, not just make me feel stupid for wanting to, or telling me that God has all the answers, or make me feel bad for being selfish that I want to kill myself. I just want someone to […]
Let my Heart forever cry
For the essence of I
Is the essence of Reality
The Sin of Humanity
A twisted, sickening, and psychopathic Malady
The unbalance is Eternity
A sickness that shall remain with I until the day I die
For until then, only God knows I will not rest easy.
i’m dying on the inside.
I know longer know what to do. I don’t know how i got the way that i am, but i feel as if i was born to die & now that feeling is grabbing me more than ever.
i’m in high school, but i haven’t gone to school in about a month. i just show up every once in a while, when i’m in there i feel like killing myself. but switching schools is no option for me.
my parents seem quite disappointed but they don’t understand that this is an ongoing battle i have dealt with for over 3 years. I almost […]
Yahh. Everyone asks that question. “Are you OK”? What do you think Im going to say? You expect me to just completeley scream out my feelings.. No! Im going to say “Yahh. Its all good”. Well. I used to. But I need to tell someone my feelings.. Im only 12. I live in Florida, and my stepdad and mom moved me away from my family in Minnesota. 🙁 I have a 5 year old little sister who looks entirely up to me.. And my mom is pregnant with a boy now. I want to kill myself. I might. Im in the seventh grade. I went […]
I have been struggling with self hatred and poor self esteem for most of my life. It is through a change in friends and family that I have surrounded myself with positive, truly amazing people. I didn’t think life could be lived happily. But it can. I used to cut on myself, I used to do drugs and drink, among many other self destructive behaviors. But it was through the death of my mother through which I know was suicide related, even through my family lists it as “undetermined” that a new path has been made for me. I am now a Christian, I am […]
Over the past two years I have been with a girl named Ashlyn. I’m going to go ahead and tell you the whole story of how “we” happened.
Ashlyn has a brother that is 3 years old. He drowned in a pool one afternoon while the babysitter was supposed to be watching him. His name is Brody. Brody is now on a vent to breathe and has a trach. He has been in a coma for 2 and a half years. Ashlyns mom- Jackie hired a team of nurses to take care of her son. Selfish right? Jackie believes that since everyone has granted her sympathy […]
or it certainly seems and feels like I will.
I have had mental health problems for years now and I have always actively tried to help myself. I have always sought help and have been medicated for a long time. I think it was hard because I was never ill enough for it to be noticed by anyone but ill enough for it to interfere with my life daily.
I just hate myself. Every time I close my eyes, my mind is screaming for me to end it. I just cant do it any more and I have no other choice. I have never visualised myself being […]
Two months ago I posted on here that I was going to kill myself in my bathtub as a retirement present to my dad, so he wouldn’t have to deal w a terrible daughter any more. I tried to jump off a bridge, but I chickened out. I went home to my drunken fiancee, the kid I’m going to ruin, called my dad that resents me, and promised them and myself I’d get better.
A month later my abusive drunken fiancee decided to hurt me in front of our son. Ironically, I begged him not to kill me. I haven’t spoken to him in a month, […]
I’m…I don’t know what I am. Depressed? Bipolar? According to a medical diagnosis, probably not. I’ve read stories on here that speak of not being able to even get up in the morning, who can’t find the will to do anything. I, however, get up, I go to school, put on a smile, talk to people, act normal. Inside, I’m a complete mess. School is like my own personal hell. I really don’t have friends. I’m so alone and yet surrounded by people. I hate life. I want to die. God, how I just want to end this torture. There are some days I actually […]
Those of you that are atheist, or some other religion, please take no offense if this goes against your beliefs, just know that this DID happen.
The other night I wanted to grab that knife so bad and I was shaking so uncontrollably, gasping and blacking out. As these thoughts of self harm and death came into my head, God stopped me from acting on them. I felt so compelled to try and calm myself, and I felt some force driving me away from the knife and those awful, awful thoughts. Then again just two nights ago, I wanted to cut so badly, and I walked […]
Anyone who believes in God. If you does, then please tell me your religion. I’m a non-believing muslim. I believe in God, but i do not follow the full requirements, you have to follow as a muslim.
Please,  preferably no prejudice, because I am Muslim.
Tnhx for your understandingness.
I remember the cold knife under my throat. I remember the masked man on top of me, thrusting, panting and his red eyes, forcing me to look at him all the time. I remember the hysterical laughter after it happened, when I went to see my friends. This date no one knows about it except of the shrink. I am now a twisted 25 year old woman/girl.. still fighting the demons and oh so willing to give up.
It all happned 3 days prior to my 18th birthday. Somewhere not far from home, where the water is always cool during summer and shady places. Somewhere I […]
Pain…its not the sharp or intense pain that is experienced when first separating the skin. No, it’s the dull, deep, and gnawing pain after cutting too deep and you’re waiting for the incision to heal. It’s the long week(s) of paranoia and wearing long sleeves in the summer hoping no one will notice or if they do, praying that they don’t call you out. That’s what it has felt like for me this past month…and i am not quite sure what to think about it all….
Ahh… the bitter sweet recognition of failure. Realizing that all you ever were was in reality, nothing at all… Seeing […]
I’ve been reading articles from this website for a few weeks now and thought i should right something for people to read. I found out about this site when i was researching ways i could kill myself and found an article about exit bags. I suffer from major depression and i don’t wish to live any longer at least in my current situation. Its not that i always feel sad most of time i don’t feel much almost like i’m not here kinda of a lifeless feeling. I’m never really happy and I don’t see the point of living. I kept myself going by thinking when i’m 18 i can move somewhere else where i can be […]