Been down all day today and can’t really put my finger on why. Nothing special happened today, just really down all day. Should be in a good mood since I’m gonna see my son for his birthday tomorrow. When I feel this way, I always want to feel better NOW! I don’t want to wait and hope tomorrow’s better. I think of all the things that helped in the past like booze, drugs, cutting, but none of those things seem to help much anymore. They just get me in trouble, like I don’t need anymore DUI’s – the next one will be a felony. Fuck, […]
I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what do I need to do. Am I sent here to be a laughing stock? Am I sent here just so people will pity me? I do not fucking want pity. I do not fucking care if they laugh at me or if you laugh at me for being so fucking pathetic. I am a disabled person, yeah so don’t fucking complain if your life is messed up, because mine is more complicated. You complain about those bullies? Then tell them to fuck off, stand up for yourself. You complain about money and shit? Don’t fucking […]
how does she laugh how does she cry whats the color of her eyes does she even realize am here WHERE IS SHE where is this beautiful girl who is she whos gonna company my world!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I even stick around anymore. I mean yeah.. there are people who “love” me but they never seem to truly get it. Fact is, im exhausted. Plain and simple as that. i feel unloved, unwanted, uncherished.. pretty much just forgotten by society. Everything that I am and everything that is perceived to be me are completely disingenuous. Its all an act, a part I have to play so that people around me dont lose their minds.
But what is that point? I wake up each day knowing exactly how eveything is gonna pan out. The monotny of life and suffering is all […]
I bought a breakfast sandwhich, when I coulda had some dank french toast. This decision keeps bothering me. I don’ t know how I’m gonna deal with it.
”…1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist.
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry.
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, […]
okay I live in london and obvs I’m not gonna say where but um lately every time I take the train, I have the biggest feeling to just jump and end it all. I have been like this for ages and this feeling is getting stronger but I think the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that if I jump there will be a huge delay in the trains and I don’t want to disturb other people and their journeys. But even then, I’m too scared to do it myself and I need a push. I have decided that my death HAVE […]
my best friend has turned into a total jerk lately. he has literally taken the only thing i cared about and then threw it away like it was trash. he’s taken the past two girls I’ve actually liked from me one of them while he was still hooking up with my ex-girlfriend. he’s stopped talking to me completely and still tries to hang out with all our other friends without me. granted we all talk about it behind his back and we all kinda hate him now. i had decided this guy was gonna be my best man at my wedding. we’ve known each other […]
Hi all,
I have been suffering from manic depression from decades and I am not gonna lie to you. It all started when my mum committed suicide in front of me and spiralled out of control when work stress gets me. I have had many suicidal attempts , no good at that. The medication i have been taking for decades dont work, i feel suicidal everyday, i turn up for work and put on a fake smile until one day, one of my juniors asked me if I were ok? Cover blown…
Of course i am not freaking ok, but i told him that i was fine, […]
Fuck. Shitshitshit,
i relapsed again.
i can’t hear “YOU have to make things better” or “don’t expect everything to be handed to you on a silver plate” because fuck you. I know that.
I think I’m gonna try again tonight. Who knows? Maybe it’ll work?
insomnia is the bane of my existence. i stay up for days, sick to death with the fear of what the dark may bring…stream of conciousness chicken scratchfvgde
i like to write…i hem and haw over which words to use, each one a juicy fruity gem
There’s bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet….no matter how, swiftly u flee, or how far afield you go
always remember that we all have bones beneath our skin;
a skeleton dwells in every man’s home
beneath the dust and sweat and love that hangs on all of us,
there’s a dead man who’d kill […]
hell, I was so happy last year. New flat, new work, old friends, the most amazing boyfriend in my life…and now?
I fear death. Not my own. I can’t bear the thought of surviving while my beloved one doesn’t. I can’t see my beloved die, so I die first. don’t we have the right to choose and push the escape button?
It is so dangerous to love and then fear the death of that loving person.
I swear that if hell exists it must be similar to the physical pain I’m feeling right now in all the right side of my face and head, combined with the psychological pain I have usually.
Good news is that I can’t have both at the same time so, for now, the psychological one is gone.
However, I could shoot myself right now to stop this horrible pain.
This is a stupid post and has nothing to do with the main topic, but it’s 2:45 in the night, I’m kind of dying and I need to distract myself some way. The pain killer pills are not […]
Gummy bears, Jack Daniel’s, good beer, great bud, Volbeat live on u tube on a huge TV with mad surround sound and I still hate life. To those that mean it blow your Fukin head off, that’s the closest to definite your gonna get!!! That’s REAL mofo’s! WURD!!!
Ugh. I hate coming back to my parents house. There always just fighting all the time and just keep reminding me how disappointed they are in me and how much of a fucking freak I am. Thanks mum. Everything here just stresses me out an I feel like I’m gonna explode.
Cats are here though. Hugging them beats staying back alone at my apartment for 2 weeks while I’m off uni I guess.
I believe I’m a very manipulative person. I have been manipulative with almost everyone I care about in one way or another. I do it to one person all the time without even realizing it. That’s how natural it has become. I don’t want to be this way. It disgusts me that I attempt to control the ones I love. Not gonna state any reasons because there’s no justification. I’ve been trying hard to work on it, but all I’m doing is second-guessing myself. I feel like no matter what I say it’s solely to benefit myself. We’re all selfish, and it’s healthy to an […]
Why it seems that I’m begging for love? In everywhere, family, friends, even myself. And I still do not get any. Do I have to beg more? Am I ever going to receive some? From someone? Am I going to loved someday? How? When? From who? I just don’t know. Like I said in the last post, I’m reaching to an end, I’m having so much break downs, there’s so much pain, loneliness literally is killing me. But I’m such a coward to make something to change it. I hate myself. I humiliate myself trying to find love where it’s obvious That I’ll never gonna […]
I really hate myself for everything.. I lost the love of my life to another guy and honestly I’m gonna end this all. The only reason I wake up is to see her and hear her she’s the reason I live but all that has changed. I wish she’d give me one more chance to prove I’m not like this that I was just making mistakes! I really wanna say sorry for it all! I know I wasn’t the best Aiyana but I’m in love […]
With my besties. So proud of my friend who’s graduating from college.
But I feel like I don’t belong here. like I shouldn’t be here. Like I’m not really a bestie, like I’m just here because of some nuanced sense of whats right or honor.
My friends said that I was not polite, mostly related to lude jokes and statements about moms being sexual beings. I guess I relate to my mom differently. I wish she would go out and have a life and love and fuck for god’s sake. She’s not dead. She’s a human. I don’t want to treat her as if she is this […]
I thought I had her back… I thought we would be happy again… No, I always ruin the good things in my life… I have decided it is my time to leave. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t wake up every single day hating myself and everything that I have done to people. I just can’t do this anymore. I wake up every morning wondering how bad I am going to mess up again… I try to put up a fake smile but it’s never enough… I am gonna go tonight. Maybe all the people I have ever hurt will be happy I’m gone. […]