I work this morning, but after I come home I start my classes for the first time since 2011. Today is the first day of class. I am terrified. I know it’s only online school but it feel so huge like an entire building is falling down on me. I am excited to be going back but at the same time I can’t shake that feeling of “what if” I’m at a point in life where I can not afford to fail. I have to do this and I have to make good grades or I won’t receive my scholarship and it is so much […]
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good
As a teen…I never did drugs, slept around or smoke on corners. I never got bad grades, lied to my parents or did anything to make my parents feel ashamed of me …yet I was disowned by my alcoholic father.
Entering my 20’s I was still dating my 1st bf I had met after finishing school… I never cheated , I never dressed inappropriately or did anything to make him insecure or over- possesive…yet the relationship became abusive…mentally, emotionally… and near the end physically.
When I fell pregnant at 21, I freaked out. It hit me that I did not want to spend the rest of […]
I know it’s a bit late to start a new years resolution. But I decided the other day that I should start writing one or two good things that happen each day for a year and at the end read them all. Sounds like a good idea right? Sounds like it will make you notice the positive things in life, help become a more positive person. Not for me. It’s done exactly the opposite. I’ve realised what a miserable life I have, how cynical and negative I am. I can barely find a good thing that’s happened today and for me it was a busy […]
People can be narrowed into three simple categories just by watching the way they act and the things they do.
Category 1. The people who care, even if it’s not genuine concern these people still show some level of empathy for those around them.
Category 2. People who destroy, these people carelessly flit through their lives and the lives of everyone around them heedless of the consequences of their actions.
Category 3. The people who constantly fuck up despite whoever effort they put forth, these people try to be good friends, or try to be careless, but the continually feel like failures, like nothing they […]
I’m looking for help, someone good with advice to talk to… I need help, support, and advice…
Like the title says; i have lost ALL interests. There are still some people whose companionship I prefer above others but one hand I prefer to be alone but still need people around me at times. Currently I get this at work and after work it is enough; this is exactly like in my high school years.
Again I am reading a lot.
I am reading mostly read about older civilizations and technology.
My issue is how the world is being run. What they say about dictatorship is that most people prefer it because it is simply less messy. But we need one in the […]
I just came back from another meeting with my software team and it was terrible. The guy who is doing least (actually close to nothing at all) apparently went to see the supervisor yesterday and told him I was verbally abusing him. I mean what the actual fuck!? And he quoted a message from me on whatsapp which google translated like this: “[name], why are you doing virtually nothing? Do you think it is okay, that you pass the course only because of us?” That’s what I said. After a dozen friendly messages that reminded him to care for the 10 deadlines he didn’t mind. […]
I am ending my life tomorrow. I just can’t keep going. I have ruined everything that was good in my life. I will send my son to my mom’s house. My boyfriend will be at work, so, I can go in peace. I wish counseling would have worked. I wish I was stronger. I’m just not. The self harm is taking it’s toll on me as well. There’s nothing here for me anymore.
I lived in a broken family. Divorced parents, lots of fights, my mom and brother didn’t get a long, never-ending shouting, crying and screaming. I tried not to say a word, to appear strong, to not make things worse. For years since I was in primary school I felt alone and longed for love. I felt broken inside, so broken to the point that I feel numb and empty, I had to cut myself just to feel again. To feel anything, to remind me that I can feel pain, and I’m still living. The blood trickling down my skin to the bathroom floor somehow calms […]
why is that I am always that last kid to be picked for gym of for a group project the teacher has to put me into a group and everyone has to hate on me because they were happy with their friends before I showed up.. I am always such a burden to everyone. Even my mom says that I am a burden. So why am I still here if no one gives a damn about me? and being the last pick of the bunch or the “thing” that no one wants. I am the ugly duckling and no one really gives a damn. I […]
sleep like dead men; wake up like dead men and when the sun comes, try not to hate the light
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
this insomnia will be the death of me…..i go days without sleeping….i’ve tried everything, and i do mean everyhing, other than giving myself a concussion, benzos, sominex, chamomille tea, melatonon, entire bottles of nyquil ,benedryl….eventually after a couple of days i’ll crash, but it’s still not restorative sleep, and then i’ll wake up a few hours later….my husband says i’ve been screaming in my sleep, or whimpering and begging….once i even cried while sleeping…..but when he wakes me i have no recollection of any dreams…i’m at my wits end with it….hypothetically speaking, if i hadnt been crazy before these 2-3 days at a time bouts […]
Hi there.
Today I am going to be talking about one of the most stressful things in my life, Expressions. I go to an arts school and to emphasize different types of arts they make it mandatory that we do something. My art is singing. There are several different categories of arts, including, but not limited to; music, visual, drama and creative writing.
Expressions is like a big talent show where the whole school, of almost 300 students, participates in a couple months of work. We showcase our talents and present them to the school. If we are good enough, we make it into Best of Expressions.
I […]
That’s what people said to me after I broke up with my boyfriend.. I’ve posted about my story a few weeks ago (I was engaged with a good and loving man who promised me he would be there forever.. But it didn’t work. My bad character and my childhood (like hell in fact) made that he wasn’t able to love me anymore). Since then I was depressed, couldn’t sleep anymore, feel like nothing, empty. And I don’t know how or why I began to hang out with friends, to meet people, to laugh. I remember saying myself: life isn’t so hard! Go on like this! […]
Here’s an article about the positive effects of negative emotions. I think it’s good to remember that no matter how bad you feel, the feeling was designed to help you fix or compensate for whatever is troubling you. Killing yourself is not the solution…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201412/beyond-happiness-the-upside-feeling-down?tr=MostViewed
I think it’s time to go and die. well I had good times in this life but my last 2 years were like hell and I just want to die and release all the pressure that I feel . I know this is the wrong choice but the only one. actually I want to suicide just to tell them my pain I don’t want to die. wish me good luck and I love you all and thank you very much
why all good and happy times passes so fast??why people that we love we don’t know their importance until they’re gone???why life is soo hard???I really want to die and I pray every day for god to die but I’m still alive . can anyone help me to get over my depression and loneliness?? thank you everyone
To be honest I thought my depression was done with. I hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a good 4 months and that seemed to be how I defined depression…. Suicide. But I didn’t realise how much I’ve been staying in and drinking alone at night, how little I’ve been eating and how much I sleep during the day during those 4 months. I’ve never really associated these things with depression at all. My first suicidal thoughts since then happened a couple nights ago. Reoccurring images of familiar deaths, my family finding me, the aftermath of everything, it was like 4 months worth of suicidal […]
I’m not feeling very strong today. I want to say so much but who cares enough to listen? And what does it matter anyway? I don’t know how to give my feelings any value anymore. I’m going to try this to see if it helps but in my mind I think I have already made the decision to end my life. There is just too much hatred and shame and I’m tired of all the wanting I have. To many needs never able to be satisfied. This is going to take time to write out so I will start with something short. This.
Maybe this will […]
Well I had some medical issues that had been occurring over the past two weeks. I noticed some symptoms and panicked and got a full blood std test last friday. I was flipping out in so much pain and couldn’t wait till tuesday for the blood results. So I saw a Doctor on Monday and was given a clinical diagnoses and told I had genital herpes. I was devastated and cried but I accepted it, I was going to wait for my blood test to confirm what I had already been told before I spoke to the person I was currently seeing. I get my […]
Life has been on the skids for some time, but I always gave what mother called”good face”. I had a name, a good reputation, a person people asked advice or leaned on for support. Recently my significant other and i were arguing, (been living together for 10 years). She decided to try some Tough Love and kick me out. She hoped this would shock me into listening to her, and doing what she wanted, and then I would be told I could stay. She called my elderly father, who drove over and proceeded to convince him I was mentally ill and had emotional problems. Meanwhile […]