I’m in terrible pain. For the last 20 years, I have always had thoughts of suicide, but for one reason or another, didn’t do it. I have been miserable since high school. I have always been a loser, who was told so by his father, then his grandmother and by all his so-called friends who do nothing more than use me. I am nothing more than pen, when the ink runs dry, I’m discarded. Right now, I’m totally broke, have no friends and feel like I have nothing to live for. I’m beginning to lose my fear of taking the ultimate step. A few years […]
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Grandmother
He was my reason for living. I had nothing else to live for. Two years. Everything was going to be okay because I had him and he loved me and we were going to have a future together. Three affairs, in two years. Countless other hookups. I have nothing else to live for. Maybe my death will hurt him like he hurt me. It will hurt them all. They’ll finally feel the pain they caused me. The pain I live in everyday.
I’m not going to leave a note. I’m not going to afford them that final explanation, that last kindness.
I’m going to buy it online, […]
im ALONE in a Place full of people.
My Grandmother tried to commit Suicide now she is in a mental health hospital, the same one i have been in 3 times. Â ive never seen my grandma like that it tore open something i was trying to put away for sooo long, i have cutt agian. suicide is a option!
if i Could be Turned back & start everything over i would. i hate myself for making my grandmother feeling the way she does.
Rope, or Pills????
After just one day of school my arms are in tatters. I’m gonna try to use rubber bands instead for a while because everyone and their grandmother could take one look at them and know I cut. Industrial accident. Ha. At least my parents are dumbasses.
i Never Had a good Relationship with my Mom, she was Always out of the picture & on Drugs.
i Always wanted a mom Like The other kids in 4th Grade that would come & pick you up from school & just love you unconditionally. We fought , And Argued, She Told me She was Leaving Agian To NewMexico, i didnt really mind she had left multiple times . When she had gotten up there she called me maybe a month later saying she was pregnant, i Hated the Man she was with , He gotten her to take heroine agian, and she wasnt the same, She Said to me , […]
I want to start by saying that I’m quite damaged. Just like many I’ve been through some things. Lots of things. Complicated and simple. I have hope. But don’t take that so fully. Don’t eat it, sip it. Lasts longer. It’s early in the morning so I’ll do these in parts as I’m sleepy again. I hope you are able to find a ray of hope in each part.
I’m obviously still alive. Why? I do not know, but a spark is still with me. Whether I admit to it or not. It’s there. In middle school I had this spark when my grades were failing, […]
If so, I’d like to know what it is. Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I came here out of desperation. I have nobody to share my feelings with. I am alone. I’m afraid to be close to people because they always hurt me in the end. Or maybe I’m alone because people generally do not want to be around me. “Freak,” they’ll call me, telling me how I am not worth their time. “Tell me, why haven’t you had a boyfriend? Are you lesbian?” They’ll ask me. Outraged, I deny, but they don’t believe me. It isn’t my fault nobody wants me. It isn’t […]
Life was hard growing up. When I was a child I was surrounded by drugs, nasty men, abuse, rape etc.
My mom was not like the moms you see on TV, she had supported my brother and I by stripping, she also sold and was addicted to drugs. She was clinically diagnosed as being bipolar, and schizophrenic.. She always put drugs above me and my brother. most of the time my Nana would take care of me but only when she wasn’t working. My mom, the main person who was supposed to be my protector let numerous men in and out of our lives. The last […]
I’ve never let anyone in close enough to see the ugliness inside. Last summer, my dad came the closest after some emotional emails I’d sent him. He drove the 6 hours to my city and spent the week taking me out to dinner and talking, trying to figure out what was wrong. But I burned him like I’ve done everyone else.
I burned my grandmother when I told her to stop talking to me. I burned my co-workers when I took up the vow of silence at the office. I burned my father by never replying to any of his follow up emails after we had […]
I almost cracked in front of my entire family. Or i did crack, partially?! I don’t know.
i started rambling about not having a desire to live, honestly i just said that to shut them up because they were talking about responsibilities of today’s youth and how it was different and much harder when they were young. Fine it was, let them have their past but keep it for yourself because i am not feeble- minded.
I thought i won’t be coming here anymore, but i guess i still have the need. since i can’t talk to anyone, i mean i can’t talk how depressed i […]
Seriously,
I’m 20. I have had major depression my entire life, I have chronic anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and literally have NO friends.
I have no family either, I live with my grandmother who is “insane” , I love her but I cannot take her abuse and her outbursts especially when I am already suicidal.
I’ve been looking at the posts, and I like the helium idea, I will be around a little longer I suppose because I need to get the equipment and the final exit book.
Until then, it would be really nice to talk to some like minded people, its nice to know that I’m not […]
It’s plain and simple, I am hurt. I don’t know whether to
call it depressed, bipolar or maybe even suicidal. I don’t fit fully into one
of those categories. After all I see my emotions as a vase; One that’s cracked and
overfilled, but painted over and glued to hide the unwanted things. Every time
something emotional happens it feels like someone took my vase and slammed it
down on a table, causing the fragile makeover to shatter, letting a cascade of
water to spill through. Of course then I have to scurry and pick up all the pieces
and carefully repaint every little detail […]
My Suicide Story
I wanna kill myself so bad, i cut myself everyday, i wish people knew what i was going through. I live with my dad who threnthed to rearange my face, he said he will put my mouth on the other side of my face, make me blind, he also said by the time the doctors got done i would never be pretty again, Evan the doctors wouldnt look at me. My brother comes next he threw me in my room and busted myhead up against my drew, and then broke my bed. My uncle done worst when he punched me in my […]
If my mother could see herself when she is wasted,
If my father could see himself when he used to hurt me,
If my grandmother would realize that i don’t see the world like her,
If my brother could see how much i need him,
If my friends could put themselves in my shoes,
Maybe then they would understand.
I dont know where to start.  I’ve been trying to deal with my depression for a long time now and no matter what i just cant be happy.  There are a lot of things that have happened to me and my family in the last few years that contribute to my depression.  Suicide is always something that crosses my mind everyday.  And i don’t know if i want to do it or not.
I guess i could start talking about my family and how they contribute to my demise. Â First off theres my brother (i wont use his real name so he will be ‘mike’ for this” mike […]
On one of the hottest days of August in the year of 1971, a fair Pitty Sweet made her red-carpet entrance into the world. The stories of a difficult birth were told for years, but one thing that was often mentioned was that young Pitty was born quite round.
Survey said she was so round that she could easily roll down the hill to the very bottom on her very own. Her mother insisted on red frilly dresses, but her grandmother not caring for the colour red, put brown dresses on her all almost every single day, and if anyone looked twice they might mistake […]
Hi My name is Nikki… I am 15 years old and I have been cutting for a very long time.. I know what it is like to hurt and feel nothing but pain and misery. I have lost so many people to death and You know it is not fun.. I am not that skinny pretty girl at all. I lost a guy I was in love with to a person who felt the need to shoot and kill him. I felt the pain of loosing my best friend to a person who hit him with a car. I felt the pain to my grandmother […]
So I’m marissa. I’m 14 and my life sucks.
My mom is a workaholic and drinks all the time. I only see her for 5 minutes in the morning and one Saturday a month.
My step- father verbaly and (once) physhicaly abused me. I hate him. He treats his daughter like a princess and makes me do all the chours.
My step-sister is the biggest ***** ever she punches me and she’s only 7! She constantly goes into my room and fucks it up!
September 14, 2012 I lost my aunt to a battle of cancer, melanoma. Life hasn’t been the same since. I cry every night […]
I can’t share with anyone how I feel. None of my “friends” come from a broken home. I haven’t talked to my mother since Christmas and I can’t trust to tell my grandmother anything in fear of her telling my mom. My dad ignores me all the time and acts like “sorry son I didn’t hear you” and he try’s to cover up how he resents me. Seeing as I was an accident you would think he would have just put me up for adoption as a baby. My brother to. We just found out recently who my brothers real dad was and our mom […]
Well, I’ve been gone for a while now haven’t I? I’ve been through hell and back and I haven’t found what I’ve been trying to look for. . .
As the people who read my other posts may know, I was with a guy who I loved with all my heart and I gave up almost everything for him. He ended up cheating on me and using me for sex. . . And I still love him alot. But no where near enough to go through that again. The day after he was caught cheating and shit, I posted it to The Suicide Project. I never really […]