I’m sooo tired of it all!! Don’t know what to do anymore! Can’t even stand to look in the mirror, I don’t know how much more I can take. Â I cry all the time now, can’t even get through one day without crying. My husband always asks if i’m okay, but the truth is, he really doesn’t wan’t know the answer to that question. I don’t know why he even bothers asking. I wanna believe he loves me, but I don’t know how. I feel as though everyone would be happier and better off if I were gone. Â I really believe they would all jump […]
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Guess
well i guess ill start with my story since some of yall on here are new and i havent posted in awhile. when i was little the one man in my life who was supposed to be there for me left { my dad } and told my mom he hoped i died and was born with aids luckly i wasnt i was just born sick then my mom got with another man who i grew to love and called dad they broke up but i still went to his house with my new half sister everyweekend { to keep you unconfussed later i have […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
So I guess I never really considered trying to write out my story anywhere, but maybe getting it all down will help me put it into perspective, help me decide whether or not I can take this, haha.Â
I’m turning 17 this December and my most frequent thought is generally that “I’m so young why is everything already so bad.”
j
I should be out, enjoying life, enjoying myself, going places with my life, planning for post secondary.Â
But nothing is happening, I’m not doing anything. Lack of motivation is a horrible thing isn’t it?
I grew up in Canada, having moved to BC when I was just […]
I guess I’m not quite sure what to do at this point, so I need ur input. I’m 18 years old and ever since 5th grade I’ve wanted to die…or at least I didn’t care to live. In the past few years I’ve been but into a hospital four times due to breakdowns, see I’m stuck in this cycle between life and death and I don’t think itll ever end till th day I die. I’m terrified of existing, and I have several mental Heath problems that have caused me to lose all my friends…I push them away without realizing it, but it’s only […]
I have been suffering from depression for most of my life. I am also anorexic and bulimic. I’ve been dealing with the consequences of my illnesses, including stomach ulcers, amenorrhea, and anemia. My body is shutting down, but I don’t care. In fact, this is kind of what I wanted. Slowly, but surely, I’m going to die. My disorders reassure this motive. Today is also my birthday. Guess my wishes are coming true.
Like everyone who I have encountered in my life, you just expect too many things… things that I can’t fullfill. I am sorry, I just can’t take this anymore… I’m sorry if I let you down, but I’ve let myself down so many times I lost the count… You always say it’s up to me to change, but guess what… I’m not myself anymore, I don’t even know who I am. Yeah I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND, so just leave me, let me pretend everything is fine when both of us know its not…
It’s not at all that I may be having second thoughts, contemplating whether I have made the right choice or not. It’s just although I don’t want to be here now, I feel sad that the old me can not continue living. I guess I just wish that the events leading up to my decision had not have happened. I could continue to live my innocent and naive life, unaware of its dangers and pain. Should I do it tomorrow, why not in a few days? I don’t want to be here anymore, and I am 100% sure of that.
I’m sat in bed, crying. I feel pathetic even writing this but I have nowhere else to go. My mum just took me out to go to B&Q with her. On the way I said ‘I would like to go home.’ She pulled up and asked me why. I said ‘I don’t know what I want to do because I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be here.’
She took me home. On the way I asked her if she was currently suicidal, she said no but she had been not too long ago. I said, ‘Next time you feel that way maybe […]
I guess what I’m trying to say is although I’m miserable, depressed, suicidal, I don’t want to feel different. I’ve felt like this for so long that I can’t see a way out, and if it did miraculously appear I doubt I would take it anyway. I feel safe, just me, alone no one can cause me pain I have been through. Only I can upset myself or make myself feel better. I am all I need, and so why not die? Is it selfish of me even if I did want to stay, to be a burden to my friends and family?
The reason making […]
I know a lot of people get all emotionally steamed when people say that suicide is ‘the cowards way out’. It is a horrible thing to say about someone especially  when people who have never attempted suicide could not possibly know the hurt a person can go through for no reason whatsoever other than because we exist. But I think the truth is that it is the cowards way out. I wouldn’t be considering it at all if it didn’t seem so much easier than living and truth be told life is just so much more fucking scary than the worst horror film you can […]
I don’t like the person I am anymore. I’m okay on some levels, but in close relationships I become a cold *****. I don’t know how to fix it, therapy hasn’t helped much with the issue. I’m stressed in general, but I guess I just get unhappy.
My boyfriend and I just broke up for the millionth time, what a huge surprise. I’d like to say that this was more his fault than mine but it’s probably pretty even. I’m a really difficult person to be in a relationship with. I’m not sure what to do about it. Truth be told, I feel weary all of […]
It would be nice to have a best friend that I can share everything with and not be embarrassed. I live in Utah..aka HELL lol and it’s so hard to find real people. I have a so called best friend right now, but she always gets mad at me for stupid things I do, and when she does stupid things, I just sit there and listen. Hmm…so I guess she really isn’t my best friend huh? Well if anyone wants to be my friend or talk I would absolutely love that. I have a lot of baggage…but who doesn’t? I’m 18 btw. I could really […]
A boy in my school committed suicide on Tuesday…he hung himself…I’ve been destraut about it since I found out. No one ever knew he would try to..no one even knew he was upset with his life. If I had known I would have tried to talk to him. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember and have wanted to die for years now. Obviously I wouldn’t encourage him…I would have tried to get him off the ledge. He was a great kid. Everyone knew him and loved him even at our huge school. But after this happened it got me thinking…how horrible […]
I guess that those of you reading this have probably heard this a thousand times but i’m going to say it anyway why can’t i be normal? I see people in the streets smiling and getting on with life all happily and yet i’ve been condemned to my own personal hell. I thought that if i blamed people (such as my parents) that i would feel better as i would have someone/something to hate, give my life some sort of purpose. I fooled myself into believing i could be ‘somebody, that i could love life and seize every moment but i can’t. I’ve screwed up […]
I’ve never attempted suicide, but I find myself thinking about dying ALOT. Wondering who would care, how would their lives be, who would miss me, if my ex would feel guilty, how would I die, who would be at my funeral. I feel as if these thoughts consume a part of me that is too much to bare. Here I am 9:20 am. I should be in class but of course I woke up today with no sense of motivation, wondering why I woke up in the first place. I fucked myself over again, I failed last semester, &failed this semester too because I have […]
I didn’t follow through with it..
No yet at least, I’ve been trying to journal, and i want to do it so badly but all i can think about is my mom, and when i start to i just invision her findind me, devastated… It kills me to know how much this will hurt her…
Hate, depression, constant crying, constant suicidal thoughts, constant self-harm. Who am I? I wish I could remember but the image of who I used to be gets fuzzier, and fuzzier. Had I known I would feel such loneliness in the future, I would have ended my life on that faithful April 27, 2006. I’m surrounded by many who claim to love me, yet in my mind I’m trying to deal with the fact that I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Maybe I have and everyone is just pretending to be nice, all I ever meet are extremely nice people, and I can’t help but love them. I […]
Well. Life just keeps getting shittier and shittier. I thought I was ok. I thought I can do this! Im stronger then this! Then I fall. And i fall hard. I thought I was ok so I went to a party. Had a good tine then my world fucking crashed. I just balled my eyes out downstairs. I truly wanted to die. Again. It will happen one day. Im goinig to crack and just do it. One day im going to be gone. The world will go on without me. Years from now my name will be forgottwn. None of this matters.
I guess not […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]