ive been having couple of recurring dreams in one theres a strand of hair/string in my mouth when i try pulling it out it is in my throat i continue pulling and can feel that it is wrapped around something in my stomach the dream varies from there sometime i get it out safely sometimes i pull something out with it but every time i can feel it coming up it feels like i might rip my throat/stomach out in another one i have a mouth full of rocks and at first i try spitting them out and although they are coming out my mouth […]
Seriously, I wrote this as a kid, don’t judge it too harshly, hopefully it’ll distract you guys from your worries for a bit.
You know how it is, when there’s someone who wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be theirs, and you can’t ever tell them you don’t like them because it would hurt their feelings. So every time you see them you say hi and talk but you never really hang out with them one on one. They might suggest it, but you always have some excuse, you hang out with them in a group if at all.
Michael was like that […]
I think about college. I’ve failed so much. It makes me feel hopeless. My friends will be graduating next year and i think i will be left out. I have 7 failed classes i need to retake and 2 back subjects. I want to graduate with my friends. But its my depression that causes me from failing my classes. I didnt want to wake up for school, when i wake up theres no food so i go to school with empty stomach, college is an hour away from my house, some of my classmates would make fun of what i look like, im not that […]
We who deal with depression- how far will be go to hurt ourselves? I overeat. I don’t look at myself in the mirror- no idea what my hair is looking like. I don’t brush my teeth. So embarrassed at the doctor’s office when she looked in my mouth. Yuck! But I told her why and it helped to tell even that little bit.
We get upset facing the depression. We want to hurt ourselves in one way or another. Why do we do that?? The pay off is you are expressing your pain? Even the talk (hopefully only talking!) of killing ourselves is part of hurting […]
Look, Fuck you
Fuck the plane you flew in on
Fuck them shoes
Fuck those socks with the belt on it
Fuck yo gay ass fairy ****** accent
Fuck them cheap ass cigars
Fuck yo yuk-mouth teeth
Fuck yo hair piece
Fuck yo chocolate
Fuck Guy Ritchie
Fuck Prince William
Fuck the Queen
This is America
My president is black and my Lambo is blue, nigga
Now get the fuck out my hotel room
And if I see you in the street I’m slappin’ the shit out of you
Often I sculpt people
Who aren’t there
To create memories that don’t exist
That make me laugh at nothing
Often
Pretend that someone is concerned
That I actually knew you
And that the choir knows my name
At night I imagine
That I smell your hair
I hear you breathe
I slip into your womb
Always
I wake up alone
With a fractured skull
And empty space
Still in my wheelchair
Unable to move
While the diva in my head
Sings long arias
Of self abuse
That I twist into
Lullabies just to survive
In the doctors office
I open the magazine
I fail the […]
I keep analyzing myself and trying to find a more accurate way of defining what goes on in my head. By definition, It is almost like some violent form of ADHD. There are these sort of sensory gates that feed information to the brain. For someone with ADHD, those gates never close. There is this constant, overwhelming stream of information being fed to the brain at all times. So from what I can tell, (correct me if I’m wrong) a normal train of thought […]
As a young child I was not taught the many things that I should. So as I grew older or went to school I learned through others. I have been bullied since the age of 10. Days I didnt want to go to school, Didnt want to leave my room afraid that someone would find something to bully me about, whether it was my voice, my clothes, hair, or the way I smelled. I went to counseling in middle school but it didnt help, so i went home and took a bunch of pills one day but it didnt kill me I was still here, […]
pettiness is starting to upset me more. like i know suffering isn’t a fucking competition or whatever, but it’s one of those things where its like oh your sister didn’t get you the bag you wanted for your birthday? yeah, well my sister fucking kicked me in the stomach so god damn hard i had to lay on the floor for 30 minutes and keep in my fucking pain and all i got from my god damn mother was a ‘im sorry. you’re doing a great job’ as if im doing a great job being my sister’s fucking punching bag. or like when girls complain […]
The dictators forced me to get a haircut so that I wouldn’t look like a long-haired stoner dude. Hey, not my fault I’m tall and and shaped like a rod. Plus they took my button-down shirts
Yay, the lady chopped off my hair to my chin, so now my hair curves at the end. My grandma says it’s “cute” and “brings out the color of my eyes.”
Yay, my aunt said I look tacky and that I was just trying to piss off my conservative grandmother, and that this was for attention because I (sullenly) endured dresses when I was five.
I’m a selfish piece of shit for […]
This list is for a specific person, but for anyone out there who would like to be my friend/ already is my friend, you must be able to tick atleast one of the following attributes.
1) The way you brushed your hair out of your eyes.
2) You never pretended to find my jokes funny…
3) …Unless you actually thought they were.
4) Your self conciousness.
5) The way you’d comfort me when I was down.
6) Your cooking skills were unparalleled.
7) Your favourite Smiths song is “Frankly Mr Shankly”
8) Your crush on the guy that lived across from us.
9) You weren’t afraid to say it how you saw it.
10) The […]
I get crap for literally everything.
My music, my hair, my weight, my face, my personality, my sexuality, just everything.
I’m so tired of it..I know it seems ridiculous, but every day I get told to kill myself or hurt myself in general. I know I could just ignore it, but it’s not that easy when it constantly happens.
I don’t want to exist anymore. I won’t be hard to be forgotten. I’m just a waste lf space, time, and life. People have tried to help me, but it feels like there’s this darkness that kust pulls me back. No matter how hard I try. It’s killing me. […]
Hi guys. Today’s been a rough day. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m almost one-year self harm free, but today I almost lost. I was at my choir concert, and I was sad, I’ve been struggling with my depression for a week. But after our performance it was like all my energy was gone and before I even knew what was happening I had my hair clip out of my hair and right against my arm. I almost did it. I don’t know why. I was able to stop myself. But I just wondered if you guys had any theories about why […]
the pendulum sways
one weight rises
the other falls
but where is the cuckoo?
the hands slowly move
the hours come
and the hours go
but where is the cuckoo?
one thought makes me frightened
another turns my stomach
I pull my hair
but where is the cuckoo?
crawl out of my bed
turn on the light
go to the mirror
the damned cuckoo stares back at me
-she never responded to my texts, but she always called me when she was desperate for attention
-i talked to him one night and i got excited, but he was gone before the sun rose
-we hugged, but it never felt like it was right, it was always jagged and rough around the edges and i knew he wasn’t hugging me because he liked me, he was just doing it so a girl he liked would be jealous. it didn’t work
-we spun around the room laughing, but i knew that under those sparkling eyes she was trying to rip me apart and discover […]
“What now?” The first thought in mind was the last thing I thought about while waiting to die. I woke up and it was cold, dark, and dirty from not cleaning the house while in my state of misery. I got up, stumbled to get to the bathroom, and sat on the pot. I didn’t use it, just as a chair. I examined myself thoroughly through the mirror and found that my eyes were bloodshot, hair was a slight grey, and my lips were cracked. I’m an average looking guy on most days and look younger than my age presents. I’m 21 and already the […]
So, someone wrote a post about “Window Shopping” the other day, and it got me thinking. I had this track I recorded lying around and decided to speak some words to it. Thanks for the inspiration! It’s a rough cut, but it helped me through the moment.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Window-Shopping.m4a
I am supposed to choose something
Anything, just not nothing
But I prefer the window-shopping
I get too overwhelmed by the options
It isn’t just tradeoffs, or give and take
There is so much more at stake
Pick what you want, but it might break
Then pay in time and tears for your fate
Imagine it’s a bomb that I’m meant to defuse
And I have to […]
I love yur smile yur eyes the fact yu think yur hair is blonde yur jaw line Yur muscles yur body yur teeth yur funny af yu don’t care abt people that don’t matter yu care for the ones close to yu that yu love I love how sometimes yu stand lik a ****** I love yur voice cuz I’ve never hear anyone even slightly similar to yu :3 I love yur huge head I love the way yu wrap yur arms around me and don’t let me go even when it pisses me off I love how yur so different I can learn something […]
Ever catch the scent in a girl’s hair when you go in to kiss her neck?
I miss that.
All my life has contained of happy children and families.When I see them I can’t help but feel jealous.They seem so happy while my family acts like I wasn’t born.I wish my life could go back to normal like when I was little,we would spend every waking hour together but now we are lucky to spend 5 seconds together.After my grandfather died on January 31 2013, I have felt so alone and lost.I have tried so many times to be someone im not because I have no one to look up to and no one to help guide the way.I changed my hair […]