Have you ever heard that saying..”Karma is a *****?” I been hearing that all my 19 years of my life so far and i actually agree with it. It is a fucken ***** -_-. Im not your typical ” Black girl” people call me a “white chocolate person” or ” oreo” because im not rude or disrespectful or all in your face about everything. i was bullied hardcore about myself. i dont like hip hop or rap, i dont braid hair and all that stereotype shit. it might shock you that im a vegetarian. aha yeah i can see why people call me the names […]
Tag:
hated
At school I could always be myself
And I could do that without being hated
Without being critiqued
And just accepted into the group of my friends
Unlike my world at my house
At my house I got criticized
I got yelled at for the slightest mistakes
I got hit even though I did nothing wrong
Maybe living here is why they hit me
Anyway I had a world where I could just be me
And not get hated, or hit, or criticized
I wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes
Because my friends would always forgive me
But now that has drastically changed
One […]
Tell me about a good place.
A place where I can be me
The weird, crazy me
The one with red stained hair
But my days seem to blend
Wake up, get out of bed.
look at myself in the mirror again.
Hate myself, love myself I don’t know what to do.
Get dressed, put on a mask.
Smile, and pretend
Wanting my world to end.
why can’t these people see?
I’m not the me I want to be
People speak, words that bring me down.
But it’s just another day.
Another day of feeling hated.
Another day of the same old, same old.
Why can’t […]
So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]
Once again as the time ticks on my parents ask if I’m okay.
You want the truth mom I’m not okay far from it but thanks for trying.
Dad: do I even call you dad anymore? You want the truth too!? I hate you I never thought I’d get here but bam! Life proves me wrong. Why do I hate you? Your an insufferable, arrogant, asshole that I’ve hated since I was 10, 3 years! This hate has grown stronger. You yell and make me feel worthless, you say all this bullshit about me like you mean it all but you fucking don’t. You know you don’t. […]
Dear family and friends,
I want you to know that I will be in a better place. I found peace with myself and I can now be happy. I didn’t want to be bullied anymore and I thought no one wanted me around anyway. But no one was there when I needed them the most and I felt hated my best friend moved and I found it easer to talk to my choir teacher.
Also I hated myself I hated talking and I hated everything about me and it’s just harder for me to live and be happy when I should […]
you go through each day like every other. you don’t smile, you don’t frown. you’re not in deep thought and you not I’m a conversation. your just listening in. you’re not with friends, you’re not alone, you’re just…there. someone hits you. you choose to ignore it. you got a good grade on a test. whoopee. not like it matters. every person that has ever hated you could start to love you. but you wouldn’t notice. every person in your family dies. can you tell? you don’t know where you are. but your not lost. your just wandering. one minute you have a dream. the next […]
Yup, new poem.
Bit of a change of pace for me. Don’t know if I love it but maybe it’s something I can build on. Less depression-centric but hopefully people here might still relate.
Don’t You Remember
Don’t you remember when the furthest edge of the earth was the corner of your street?
When we hated the street lights because they signified that it was time to go inside?
When Sundays seemed to last a life-time and we despised the rain because it meant we couldn’t go outside to play?
How something as simple as a cardboard box could entertain for hours?
It wasn’t just utilitarian, it was […]
i thought. . .
i hoped. . .
i wished. . .
you broke. . .
you crushed. . .
you hurt. . .
i didn’t. . .
i wanted. . .
i really. . .
you didn’t. . .
you hated. . .
you thought. . .
even without saying anything people can find out the truth. we all have that one secret that will break someone’s heart. I had many secrets but didn’t want people to find out. there was only one way out of all this. suicide. but I didn’t have the courage to kill myself. so I found another way out. self harm. I never knew that one cut would lead to so many. I had problems at home the only way out was self harm. people hated me at school they would call me all sorts of names and all their words got to my head and would […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
On Thursday night after you didn’t reply I felt alone
On Thursday night it was the first time in a few months that I sobbed myself to sleep
On Thursday night I felt so suicidal
On Thursday night I felt the lowest of low
On Thursday night it was going to be the second time I cut
On Thursday night I was so frustrated with myself I threw my scissors across the room
On Thursday night I was so so so so so close to the edge
On Thursday night I felt very very very worthless
On Thursday night I felt very very very useless
i dont know.. maybe its cliche but I cant stop thinking of a way to end today
not even today only.. but maybe all the days?
I started self harming when I was in 4th grade. I would choke myself, buy one day my mom read my diary and flipped.
I STOPPED. YOU HEAR THAT? I STOPPED AND WASNT EVEN STRONG ENOUGH TO NOT GO BACK.
7Th grade rolled around and I cut. I cut because I was in a new school, and everyone hated me
8th grade came, and I cut. I cut because I just couldnt be happy with my new popular friends.
sophomore here, and I’m ready. I’m […]
What do you do when you are hated? Is it right to cut myself? Am I right for having suicidal thoughts or is that just another fuck up?
It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel and insane the world can be.
People will just build you up and then blow you up for their own enjoyment. So many people have hated me my entire life. I have noting left to look forward to in life. this is driving me insane! I just wish I could be a different person and experience what’s it’s like to have a family, friends, and a girlfriend. I never will get to experience any of those things Why keep this suffering going?
Today I told my mom pretty much that I hated her. We got into this big arguement about nothing. Then we got into another one and it was about my best friend/sisster. She told me I was hanging out with her too much and asked me if we were gay. I said ” You know what I’m getting tired of being accused of being gay. But I’m not and neither is she. Maybe she’s not old enough to be my mother but at least she’d treat me like a mother is supposed to because obviously you don’t give a shit about me. And if you […]
Why me? Why is it always me… I’m the one getting bullied, I’m the one getting hated. I have one question, Why?
Why do you hate me for no reason? Why do you bully me? Why don’t you just leave me be!
I feel i’m on lock down at home, no computer, no phone, no nothing.
I still read, write, and find a way to get my stuff back.
Does my mum know? Does my dad know?
Of course not, that would make it worse, though they hate me enough…
My dad calls me goth freak, vampire, emo *****, things like that…
My mum does nothing about it…
All I […]
Don’t lie to me telling me I’m pretty, don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay. The only thing stopping me from it is how I’m gonna do it. But don’t mind me. I know you don’t care. Because every time I tried to reach out and talk you shut me down and told me to stop talking about this shit. I apologize. Soon you won’t have to worry about this. 15 years, I made it 15 years, alone, abandoned and rejected. Nothing but a disappointment. I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know what it’s like to be wanted. […]
I attempted suicide last night again.. but as you can tell i didnt succede. I took a handful of prenatal vitaims but just ended up heaving my guts out along with some blood. My dad and i got in a huge fight, cause i hung up on him in the morning while running for the bus.
It got worse when he planned TWO doctor appointments in the middle of my end of course test. I was pissed so i sent him a angry text in all caps. Then when i got home i went to a friends to install a game onto my computer and we […]
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