Yesterday I went for a walk, somehow I felt a little better. I saw some horses and watched them for awhile. Walked in the rain, but it felt good, at least it made me feel. But last night I looked on the internet and there is so much – so much of the opposite of what I’ve always thought was beautiful. Gentleness, tenderness, sweetness, paintings that move you deep inside, someone that would help a neighbor, little children being allowed to be innocent, dreams, words that carry weight, words that mean something. I start to think I wish something had happened to me awhile ago, […]
I’ll be prepped for surgery at 6 am.
I’ve been praying all week that God will take my life on the operating table.
I really hope He is real, or He can hear me.
I pray I will bleed to death,
Or maybe my heart will stop, and they won’t be able to find the defibrillator.
Or hopefully someone will accidentally drop a mobile chainsaw on me.
Or maybe the Death Star will crash in the OR, and they will take me with them.
I would be fine with that too.
I am new here. I attempted suicide about 3 weeks ago, twice in less than 24 hours. The first time I was found by my siblings who got into my house and the second time, I was found by the police. I ended up in the hospital unconscious for two days and spent a further day in a ward with old people, who were bed ridden. I was under constant observation, not even able to go to the toilet unattended. As a psychology student, it was one of the most degrading and humiliating experiences of my life. I felt so ashamed facing my family after […]
I’m bad at being a person, I’m bad at being alive. I’m bad at being worth it, heck, I can’t even survive.
I’m good at being a fuck up, i’m good at being sad, i’m good at having no luck, i’m good at being bad.
there are voices, and they yell, all the choices, and stroies they tell. there are demons, In my soul, and they eat me, they eat me whole. there are tears, streaming down, filling an ocean, i hope I drown. There is blood, spilling out, I really pray that, I’m not found.
I’m bad at giving love, I’m bad at giving hope, i’m bad […]
Your heart is hard
You think your legs hurt
You smell of aching sweet success
Your head’s a supernova, and you would like
Anything to stop the pain
From your fingers
Screaming
Up-turned razor
The air is thick with karma
A sutra of the way down
Well listen boy it’s a long way down
Down through heaven’s gate
To heaven’s gate the step’s the step
The tower of pride
The devil lied
This is my story about how i had my heart broken a couple of times. it soon spawned a fear of abandonment in me and made me think i was never good enough. if you wish to hear how i survived my hardship then please read this.
I was born different from other kids. i chose not to give in to the social flow and i  lived how i felt. i had friends, a pretty good amount. i fell in love many times and had a few relationships. I grew up being who i felt was me. Sometime around the summer of 2012 about early June, […]
It’s the pain I feel of every minute of every day. The not knowing. I don’t want to feel the ache in my heart anymore it’s killing me. I cry all the time and I breakdown and there is no one to talk to. It’s like living in purgatory. I know killing myself is the cowardly thing to do but I just don’t know how to kill this pain I have. I just want the darkness to take me, take me where there is no more pain. I feel like I’m dying a slow death but I wish it would just hurry up and take […]
you left your life
like a giant “;”
you left me
your last words being
“just remember-
when someone breaks your
heart
it’s because they don’t want
you to break theirs
you’re beautiful and..”
that was how you left it
and the next day
you were dead
you left your life
like a giant “;”
i think that’s how you’d want it
-e.m.
How do I even begin to explain the way that I am feeling?
It’s a sense of emptiness;
A sense that you would care not to have.
I have no drive or motivation to do anything.
I’m sick of living the life that I have.
Sick of living in this body of mine.
I can’t seem to get out of this rut.
I can only wish that I were someone else.
Wish that I was happy, but doing that gets me nowhere.
I have no destination.
My future is unknown.
I just want to disappear.
I want to eliminate my life, but I’m scared of the unknown.
I just wish I had the desire to live and the […]
Do you ever think about if you were to kill yourself who all would blame themselves for your death? Like if your bestfriend blamed themselves because they didn’t take you serious enough or your ex would blame themselves because they broke your heart and weren’t there when you needed them the most to because you were taken advantage of in your sleep? Or the girl/boy you like would blame themselves for saying hurtful things to you? Or your mom/dad would blame themselves because they make you feel guilty for everything you do?
my heart is a trinket, with a broken St. Christopher and a used subway ticket
I just read a post here by the user JerzyBoy. It broke my heart to read that such a beautiful soul hurts so much. Dear JerzyBoy, I love you too. I must not know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope if God doesn’t even seem to help. I can’t possibly imagine your pain and your broken spirit and mind. I hope you continue to live and something miraculous happens to make your life worth while for you. To imagine you dying is breaking my mind, to be honest. To imagine you taking your own life churns my stomach and I […]
My dog is the ultimate homie. I often wonder if anyone enjoys my company as much as him. Anyday, anytime he’s pumped to see me except for a few times when i got pissed as all hell at him for running away. I can’t blame him though I feel the same most of the time. Thinking of running away is often the only thing that gets my blood bumping. The farther I imagine myself from here the harder my heart beats. I feel alive. I just want to fade away, never to return. I’d like to head down to patagonia and surf one of the […]
Hello everyone ! I’m doing this project i call ‘Tell me your story’. I did a facebook page & a blogspot. But I need YOUR help to make this work.I want to provide a way for everyone to interact with each other. This is how it works. You tell me your story, I tell everyone else. You could be known or stay on anon. It’s all up to you. What matters is that your story will be heard. People will know that you exist. You will leave a trace that you once existed. You will help other not do the same mistakes you did or […]
I am not a wall
I am not a door,
Why is it okay for me to always be ignored?
Lack of importance, lack of self-respect
Suicide conquers alot of people,
please let me be the next.
Day by day,Night by niight
No more battling
I can’t win this fight.
Scars are there to remind me, how I used to feel,
but I take a step back to look,
nothing seems to be real.
I go through the motions,
every fucking day,
but when you ask me what’s wrong,
I don’t know what to say.
Darkness is around me,
everywhere I turn,
Happiness is what […]
I just dont feel like being anywhere. It seems as though i dont share the same values as those who inhabit this patch of earth alongside me. I feel like im in a constant state of purgatory, neither here nor there. The only reason im on this site is i can express myself to those who might possibly relate, although im not so sure about that either. Im a blessed individual with a loving family and a lot of opportunities laid before me. Im mentally and physically blessed and i feel selfish for cursing my existence but i havent met anyone who gets me. Everyone […]
I was doing better. I didn’t want to die for a couple of days. You know, I had a documentary about depression to start on, I scheduled classes for senior year of college, I spent time with friends that I love. Then I see a stupid Easter status that mentions the dickhead who broke my heart, and I’m snapped back to reality. I’m a nobody. The one person in my life who has ever claimed to truly love me never did. He said it himself that it was all fake. Why was I so stupid? I actually thought for a bit that maybe I was […]
I suffer from PTSD, OCD, and bipolar II. I’m also a FtM transgender person. My father died in 2009; I was only 20 and was his next of kin and had to to everything relate to the burial.
It took a toll on me. I didn’t even tell my doctor until 2010, when he put me on antidepressants.
The medication works, for the most part. But sometimes, my depression creeps back up again. It did that two years ago. I had pills stashed, I was ready to do it…
But then an anonymous person commented on a blog post of mine. It was just the first public post […]
Today me and my boyfriend got in an argument. When mean things come out of his mouth it hurts me the most. Like I’m getting stabbed in the heart, and my throat starts to get a knot. He basically sad our relationship is shit, that he’s not happy and I’ve left him traumatized.
I know I’m not the best girlfriend but I don’t deserve to be told those things. I’m so upset he makes me feel so low, my life is already fucked up with other problems that I have. But I just want to leave this world. I hate myself. I hate everything I’m a horrible […]
I am 14. A freshman. On the crew team. Go to a well known school. Get good grades. I do what I need to do to get through highschool. But, everything I do is not good enough for my parents. It all started when I was born. Adopted. Great huh? Although, I grew up thinking I was born to these parents, biologically. Soon to figure out I wasn’t. Heartbreaking. I fought through all the pain of feeling not loved. Until 2009, when my “mothers,” father died. He was my one and only.He kept me sane. I told him everything. He told me everything. It was […]