I wanna be strong enough.
to fight.
I wanna be tough enough.
to survive.
but even fighters gotta give.
and even weaklings gotta live.
i want to breathe, but it’s too hard.
I want to feel, but i got no heart.
I sold it,
a long long time ago,
sold it to the devil,
along with my soul.
And God won’t help.
He hasn’t for a while.
but i still pray,
But I guess it’s not His style.
He doesn’t care for me,
he does’nt care at all,
I guess I’ve asked too much of Him,
Cause he won’t answer when I call.
So I’ll […]
This is what i need desperately to tell my mother, but i cant because she committed suicide 6 month ago.
She was sick, desperate and when she told me she was going to kill herself, i couldn´t believe her. I didn´t do anything because it just simply CANNOT be true.
I regret a lot of things but the worse, what I cant stand, is that she had to kill herself to die. I wish, even though she wanted to die, she could have the chance to do it pacefully in a bed instead of what she did. It really breaks my heart to imagine how much she […]
For a while now (for as long as I can remember; 2-4 weeks.), I’ve been okay with the fact of dying. Being in the hospital a couple weeks back, I was on blood thinners and I started to bleed. Badly. Like “oh my god, I need a doctor in here!†and they needed to clean my sheets immediately. I bet they always clean sheets immediately, but I’m still saying. And most of the time I felt the liquid drip down onto my chest (my arm was on my chest when it started to bleed), I didn’t moan to my mom to get a nurse. […]
If this is what it takes
to show that I’m hurting
then let me die.
If this is what it takes
to show that I want you,
love you,
care for you,
then let me down.
It wouldn’t be the first time you let me down.
When I held the bottle of death,
you yelled, never wept.
Took your sweet time and left.
Gave excuses and never took the blame.
Never accepted being wrong, still it’s the same.
When I needed you,
you never came.
It’s always going to be the same.
So I’ll light another cigarette,
so the smoke will take the scream.
I’ll take the weed if it promises to take the pain,
the regret,
the memories.
Just forget,
they tried to say “You’ll get over […]
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago, and I feel like crap.
Everyday I see him around, he’s flirting with another girl.  It hurts so much
to know he has already moved on and I still haven’t. I feel like my heart
has been ripped in half. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, that he’s not
worth it. But every piece of advice they give me I start missing him even more.
I stopped eating like I used to. I eat at least one meal a day sometimes I don’t
eat at all. I can’t […]
i can’t fucking believe you! i pour my heart out to you and all you take from it is some imaginary threat? are you paranoid or something? why is it all about you?wow i am stunned. i leave your office sobbing-again. aren’t you supposed to be keeping me from killing myself? instead of throwing fuel on the fire? how can you be so tone deaf? first it was ” am i on the list” ? like i even know you or something. then you are offended by my surprise that you called me at the hut. then you are offended again that i was surprised […]
What is life? What is death?
Such words countlessly repeated.
What is after? What was before?
A bird in a cage has no use for such answers.
Brocken wings, muted songs,
For life will exhaust them before long.
What is this wonderful world you speak of?
I look, I search,
I desperatly yearn for a revelation.
But I see grey, I see ugliness,
I see the bars in hoplessness.
When all smiles could faked and all cheers could be fabricated,
Even love will be twisted.
What is remaining? What should I be searching?
Only the self satifaction of daydreaming.
Let me sleep, let me dream, let me wander away from my cage.
I don’t want this heart anymore
Ever since I was 12 I wanted a wife, kids, and to be a doctor.  It was the perfect life to me, to have all that happiness as soon as possible.  I’m with the girl of my dreams, the girl who can be the one.  She even use to say she wants all of that…with me.  Starting two months ago though she seems to be ignoring me and not talking to me like she use to.  The anniversary rituals seemed to have stopped.  I went to the hospital today and she was worried and was talking to me more than she has been.  It made […]
I can’t believe it.
She’s gonna die. She hasn’t died yet, but she’s on the brink.
My BEST FRIEND who has cancer is going to be gone forever. I just don’t know what to do! I can’t help her because I’m not magical, but I can’t help feeling that I’m supposed to do something. Seriously, I’m just lost.
She has an overall positive attitude about it, on the outside. But if you have a best friend, you can tell when they are actually fine and when they are scared shitless. She is scared shitless, and who can blame her?
She has less than a year to live. What am […]
Twinkle Twinkle little scars.
How did all this ever start.
Took a razor blade apart.
Slit my wrist and left a mark.
No one cares and why should they.
I’m as messed up as can be.
Twinkle Twinkle little scars.
What will it take to stop my heart.
I am not sure of how ,people speaking about a form on how to kill one’s self. Is anyone listening to this shit. If you want to kill your self then pickup the weapon of choice and use it. That’s if you have the mine set. Just do it. Death is the end to us all, anyway. What different does it make on when your going to die some day. We all know this right , yet we all face that last road block ,you know who I am talking about yeah him. The MAN and his book ,it has been pounded […]
i wish i could just run off the edge. just fly like a butterfly. I want to die. I want to die. but for real this time, i’m serious…so I have a knife, a rope, and a tall building…I’m not kidding. I’m dying, tired of living. the one person i care for is leaving, and they’re leaving me greiving. i’m done. so I’ll tie the noose, I’ll slip my head in, I’ll step up on the ledge, I’ll take the knife, I’ll stab my heart for the thousandth time, and I’ll fall, if the noose breaks i’ll fall…whatever happens…I’m sure i’ll die. I’m going to […]
Doctors tend to ask if you are suicidal. I’m not. I accepted a while ago that I could not bring myself to do anything that intentionally hurt the people I love. Since I first wrote this sentence down, a close friend of mine took his own life. Before this, I had begun to feel increasingly like my desire not to be here anymore was beginning to outweigh my desire not to break my family’s hearts. Because, much as I don’t see the appeal, I have to admit that it would. I struggled, in the wake of my friend’s suicide, to understand how I felt about […]