“What’s up?”
“… Nothing.”
I had to steady myself before replying. Thankfully my voice comes out normal and calm. I don’t want anyone to know about it.
I calmly walk to my room, collapse on the floor, lean against the door and just cry.
I’m selfish. Stupid. Arrogant. A waste of money. A waste of time. A waste of energy. Fat. Lazy. Ugly.
Sink down, lying on floor.
Gay. Retard. ******. Dirty. Liar.
Even if I did leave, there would still be those at school who would just laugh at me.
Lol. She’s such an emo.
I’ve been crying to the point that it hurts […]
Tag:
Heart
I miss you.
I miss you like hell.
Why did you have to change.
We fit so well together.
We were soulmates.
But you had to change.
I probably sound crazy but I’m so emotionally broken deep down in my heart I don’t know what to do.
Self harm is so relieving.
It’s how I tolerate the pain.
I thought this kind of stuff would never happen to me.
I can’t reach out for help. It seems unnecessary. I don’t want to disturb everyones little happy bubble. So I need to hide it. Hide all of my emotions so no one can see how broken I am. No one needs to know no one cares. […]
hi i dont really know where to start but i guess i can start by saying im suicidal. ive been depressed for a long time and im still not sure why. i really wish i could have the courage to tell someone but i dont . im too scared they’ll make fun of me or will worry too much and i dont want that. i really know i need help but im just not sure why im so scared to tell. my dad is so understanding that he could help and my mom could help too i just dont know… i also dont know why […]
Hi everyone..this is a poem I created about last year..when depression hit it’s worst..well here it goes,
Trapped like a bird I sit in this cage
Never once to show a bit of rage
Empty, like a book without it’s page
All I know is now..I bleed
The one that watches me has no creed
All the thoughts..on MY mind
Never are they..ever kind
My eyes become dark..I think I am blind
My mind wishes to just rewind
To forget everything I had once done
But, my heart challenged my mind…and won
So know..I still am forced to know what I have done
I am no […]
I wanted to, I think, sometimes.
But in my heart, I knew I couldn’t.
Some people are just not meant for this world.
Not meant to be here.
Mistake.
Defective.
I don’t want to, I know, now.
In my heart, I know I can’t.
I am one of those people who is just not meant for this world.
I am not meant be here.
A mistake.
A defective.
Finally free.
On July 26, 2013, I will be sad, depressed, and all kinds of crap will be going on in my mind. Why? That day will mark the 3rd year that I lost my father to suicide.
My father was the most kindest mad you would have ever met. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger. He use to tell me and my siblings and friends that “there is nothing wrong with being yourself.”
How can a man with such a big heart want to end all of that? And where was I when it happened?
I was about to take my last exam of […]
I used to be so happy especially at school I don’t really get bullied and this year im in year 6 and I really found my true friends I was happiest at school and going to school. I’ve liked loads of guys nothing big just like fake crushes but then I really like this guy called Christian and then there was this little rumour that he like this girl in his class coz he is a year younger but the classes are really close and from what he’s said he doesn’t. but still doesn’t stop my heart from hurting and at home for the last […]
I am alive and well for now
I wonder how the end will come for me
I hear silence ringing in my ears
I see a barrier between sociality
I want to fly high above the clouds
I am waiting in anger….
I pretend life is fair
I feel sorrow and corruption in my heart
I touch the edges of many hardships
I worry about the other hemisphere
I cry when I am permanently abandoned
I am an unstable being….
I understand it’s hard to leave someone behind
I say “I can move on†but truly can’t
I dream of a world no longer full of suffering
I try not to be a burden to others
I hope for a place […]
It’s a cut to the wrist with the bite of my kiss
I don’t mean it baby when I go crazy
There’s really no such thing as control when I lost my hold
Just remember I don’t mean it baby when my heart grows cold
I’m sorry
For what I’ve done and I can’t ever change
Just a girl who steps on glass and walks on you all day
I’m not trying to bleed but I don’t try not to
I’m not trying to hurt you but I can’t help you
Welcome to pain, it’s my second face
Can you feel the bruises I’ve inflicted […]
It’s my forgiveness from my dear friend.
I sent a message to an unknown in facebook. She shared her story and one guy was really troubling her and making her life hell. I felt she is pure and she was tough and caring. I tried to give confident in her and she called me soul mate. As she was already in depression and she tried to commit suicide once, I never went n meet her just was doing the same and asked her to go to doctor with a friend.  I tried to write for her, some were natural and hoped she may be smiled for […]
My mom came to visit today. Untill she came I was doing all right, but then she started to cry and my heart broke again. How much more pain will his death bring???
When I read your posts here, you are all in such pain…. When you commite suicide all your pain becomes the pain of us, who are still here…
It sucks!
You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I’ll say I can’t tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don’t question I’m not alone
Somehow I’ll find my way home
My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you’re asking me when
I’ll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you’ll find you are there.
Your friend is close by […]
Again? Were things ever really better..?have they ever been okay? Or were all those moments just a distraction..
I’m scared. And I’m alone. And I’m so tired.. and those words taste so bitter.. because I thought I was strong enough to beat this.. I thought it was something you could beat. In my years I’ve always shrugged away help or people. Because every time I let my guard down.. I learn a new lesson. A new, sad lesson that makes me tnink even more that its just time to give up this fight. And Ive been fighting all my life.. before I even knew what depression […]
For whatever reason, nights are always the hardest for me. It doesn’t matter what happens during the day, whether I was elated or devastated about one thing or the other, I would still end up here, lying in the dark, thinking about the same thing each night. I don’t really want to kill myself. It would hurt everyone around me, I don’t have the heart to, I actually have a few hopes or goals to live for, etc. I think about myself, really. I go through a lot during the day. So much so that it would take too long to write, or at least […]
I can feel my heart slowly beating the same slow pulse,
But my mind is breaking apart and starting to convulse,
As I try to not think about the destruction before my eyes,
Another day gone down the drain in the life that I despise,
A quiet bum bum, bum bum, goes on inside my chest,
I still have a heartbeat but it’s very faint,
Meager at the very best,
Back to my brain,
It is turning off,
Shutting down from all my pain,
The drugs, the cuts, the suicide,
My eternal cloud of rain,
I’ve been counseled and hospitalized to no avail,
Every treatment sought has failed,
Hope is scarce and failure is often,
I wish they would just put me […]
Go softly into the night,
Be calm in her cold embrace.
Time has passed you by little one,
Tis time to turn your face
Wander down the sloping road,
Fear not the shadows creeping.
Your peace will be upon you soon:
Little one grown tired of weeping.
Go bravely into the dark,
Heed not the hateful words.
You have chosen well,
Leave this bickering to birds.
Chin up, deep breaths little one,
Step by determined step, you take.
Your footsteps now will lead,
You’re en-route to a wondrous fate
Go calmly into deaths’ reaching hands
Rest weary and beleaguered head.
Your life is bleak, your heart worn through
It’s […]
he called me his earth angel. we where going to be married we was engaged. he passed away and I feel like my past and my future are gone with him. I feel like my heart is going to rip out of my chest. I don’t want to live anymore I don’t want to keep thinking that I will never see him again. I used to believe in god and an afterlife. now I don’t know. he was my whole world, he was the only reason I stopped cutting myself. he made my life worth living. he showed me that people could love me over […]
My story is kind of a weird one. But here it goes. My main reason for attempting suicide, was a girl. But this girl, is incredible. Beautiful,
Funny, sweet. Id say more things about how great she is, but that would take a while. Anyway, heres the story. This girl, who i pretty much fell in love with, is like my world at this time. I cant get her out of my mind, i cant sleep because of her. It sounds like thats coming right out of a movie. But its true. I actually love this person. Which didnt work out to well for […]
I can’t even explain my feelings every night
I feel my heart aching as I turn out the light
Can’t shut my eyes, swollen from each tear
I never expect my thoughts to get this severe
Knife, scissors, pills all cover my desk.
All which can leave me very statuesque.
Thoughts erupt my mind about all I hate
I don’t know really if I want death to wait.
Each night I spend lying completely alone
When will it get better? it remains unknown.
Searching deep down to find me a reason
Why I keep living through this suicidal season.
Exploding with depression as I lie in my bed
This pain is too much, makes me wish I was dead.
These thoughts […]
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]