My family are all two-faced bitches! If only i had known sooner, i would have never had anything to do with them, although they caused me loads of problems from 2008-2010 so i don’t know why the hell i didn’t come to terms sooner, i’m most likely retarded… All i know is i hate them!
I get so fucking tired of the “it will get better” and the “Don’t give up! That’s just when things are going to change!” or my favorite “There is a light at the end of the tunnel!” Fuck you. That light? It’s a god damn oncoming train.
Oh and those fuckin pro life bullshit assholes.. why Yes! YES!! YES I DO wish that my mother had aborted me asswipe. I dont know why she didn’t.
When I was 3 months old I had spinal menigitis. 3 weeks in the hospital. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped. No one held me. No one wanted to. […]
what will you do,if your family found out that your cutting??
when they did i felt so uncovered like an open book infront of them,at least i said maybe this is where my life will take a turnover to good,but no all it did go worse than ever,my mom is keeping a close eye on me,always screaming at me,she took me to do a drug test to see if i take any kind of drugs.
my dad always asking for the reason why i did so!!
and every fucking day my mom run a check up to see if i had any new cuts
i […]
I locked myself in the bathroom and gathered everything I could end my life with, once and for all, the ipod dock for electrocution, matches for fire and razors for bleeding till death.
All I do though is sit there and cry, I can’t do it, I dont have the strength but I have no reason to be here,
I am a horrible person. Help me.
Days like today makes me feel like I’m a fucking piece of shit waiting to rot away, or a waste of skin maybe. Fucking tire of people feeling ofended with the things I say or do… and people pushing me to care about them when it’s fucking clear they don’t give a shit about me, or else they would call me or text me or look for me…
What a wonderful fucking world !
I’m stuck here at my dads fiances house for the day to have a Christmas party. It’s just kinda awkward and I have been coming down from smoking earlier this morning. I just want/ need something to do, someone to talk to so I don’t have to sit here awkwardly all day. Really just want to go smoke and come back and eat them go the hell home to watch tv and sleep.
he doesn’t want me anymore.. no one wants me.. I’m not kidding if I can’t have him no one will want me. he was the only one willing to accept my flaws in life.. to accept my physical flaws. in fact he loved them! he fucking loved them.. he loved me but I fucked him over. I didn’t even want to. and now because of that I chose to leave the only one who would accept me for who I was and actually find me attractive. I fucked myself so I guess I can’t complain. I couldn’t even get anyone else.. plus he was my […]
How do you really tell someone you’re in pain without it bothering them? Without making them feel useless for not being to help you? Normal activities will only take you so far. Should I return to pointlessly opening my flesh? How many OD’s til I get it right? When will this spit stay in my mouth? When will my body stop aborting itself? I don’t want to kick and thrash anymore. I don’t want to freeze in one state for minutes on end. I want my old life back. When I was a humorous person to be around, when I would laugh at myself even. […]
I don’t know why but it just feels like the entire worlds against me. I’m so sick of it I’ve been depressed for so long and every day I contemplate suicide. I always feel like a psycho and I don’t care what happens to me hell my friends the few I have even call me psycho! I want to end it all so bad but every time I’m about to I think of my mom and family and how much it would hurt them. I need help someone anyone fucking help me….
They were siting on my friend audry and me and im the one in the black jacked with stripes shes the one crying xD
I went out of my house for a change, to hang out with some of my old friends. I rarely do this now since i tend to lock myself in my room, when im not inclined to go to school.
I hung out with 15 of my friends and we watched “end of the world movies” since that was the theme of the party. I was cuddling with my gay friend […]
You pull me out of your hat
Whenever your down
But when I need you
There’s only darkness around
Wish you’d wave the wand
Every now and then
Maybe just respond
Cuz I could use a friend
But you keep me caged in
Until you have a bad day
Then you cry to me again
“Everything will be okay”
That’s all you wanna hear right?
That your ”cuts” will heal over night
But they’re just scrapes alright
Cuz I ain’t even ate tonight
Cuz you won’t feed me
But I don’t need three
Meals a day, just to say
“Hey, I’m gonna cut the bone today”
And I’m not competing
But your […]
i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
It has been two years today since I lost my best friend and love of my life Zach to suicide. I was the last to talk to him but I was so busy I couldn’t really talk. His mom texted me the next day telling me his little sister found him and it was my fault since I was the last to talk to him and I would burn in hell with him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. There is not much left for me anymore. I do not know what to do. I do not think I can […]
Seeing You, I cannot lie… it kills me
IÂ get even more depressed when I see You.
Your beautiful eyes.. dirty blonde hair that always flips to one side..
I think You’re beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..
But that’s what You think about.. Her..
Not me.
Seeing You smile, brightens up my day
yet still the room darkens, since Your smile isn’t towards me.
I hate seeing You, and not being able to talk to You
Hold You
Touch You
Kiss You
and mostly..
Love You.
I can love You from afar.. but it is not the same as when I was loving You upclose..
Seeing You is like a little knife being stabbed in my heart
and several blows to the stomache.
Seeing You […]
Okay so lately i have been a real dumbass getting myself a lot of stupid things & i might do ecstasy pills this week &; i might also do weed brownies:/ i have never ever done drugs but i feel my old depressed &; suicidal self is coming back & i dont want to cut anymore but it seems like im turning myself to drugs :c i dont know what the hell to do cause i truly dont have no one who truly understands what im going through. I feel like if i done drugs i will be happy again & i wont have to […]
You know, I’m married to a wonderful man.
But all good people have a limit too. They will shut down also if they are constantly bombarded with negativity, bad bosses, bad coworkers, shitty clients, shitty company policy, problems in the home, depressed & suicidal wife….
I think him and my kids are the only reason I haven’t done anything. That and how outsiders will view them if I did anything to bring them down. They can not experience what I have in my past. Not them. Please not them.
But when I’m alone, I want it all to end.
I’m tired of being sick. Physically and mentally tired of being sick. Some […]
There was a time years ago when I was so depressed, I cried myself to sleep every night but everyday, I smiled. I was a clown who couldn’t wash off her make-up. I didnt really know myself, a girl I was “in love” with broke my heart, lied to me and led me on. And yes, it sent me further into depression. I did some drugs, pills. I drank some, vodka. But really, what depressed me the most is everyone thought I was fine and looking back now, I know thats what really bothered me. My family thought I was fine, hell, everyone thought I was fine. […]
I got in a fight last night with my parents again. I’m a brat.. im a ***** the worst daughter in the world. I had a migrane cause my dad keeps FAILING to give me my meds on schedule and since theirs 22 of them starting and stopping them has major side affects. I fell asleep on the couch. After waking up at 11pm i stood up to fix the pillows. And my my mom snapped saying i needed to clean them and what not.
I told her i just got up to do that and […]
41 one more days tell i am done. the plan is set in stone i have the gun i have the note. i just need time to move faster. 41 more days in hell, 41 more days of pain. i am looking forward to my final rest.
I tell myself that if I cut its not worthit. Â All it causes is questions I don’t want to answer. Yet I still get the razor and cut just enough to feel the pain of what’s eating me inside. See the blood fall on my bare skin showing that I’m still in this cruel world called : Hell