I got in a fight last night with my parents again. I’m a brat.. im a ***** the worst daughter in the world. I had a migrane cause my dad keeps FAILING to give me my meds on schedule and since theirs 22 of them starting and stopping them has major side affects. I fell asleep on the couch. After waking up at 11pm i stood up to fix the pillows. And my my mom snapped saying i needed to clean them and what not.
I told her i just got up to do that and that i was cleaning them now. She said i should have just cleaned it up to begin with itstead of waiting. ( althought i had been asleep the whole time.. )I told her i had just woken up and i was going to do it now. She just kept yelling and said she wish grace ( my sister) still lived here. That she was more responsible then me. And i said this is why i can never share my opinouns in this house hold. Her response was i dont have any opinouns in this house hold that im not the adult.
I hate going home its like a nother vitural hell for me. Schools not much better. The only real escape i have is my drawing,reading, writing, and my anime. But that only last for so long. I’m losing it. Im not wanted at home or at school. I have no real friends where i lived, and what friends i did have left when my x-bf dumped me. Its so pointless i jsut wanna go back ot washington. I at least had some friends their. But last night my friend KT called (girl) and told me her x barged into her house and she snapped. And after an hour of talking about what happened she said she wanted to go to bad. Saying i was the best friend ever and wondering how i always kept so calm. She knows my past but i dont think she knows of the pain i felt last night.
I stole this medicine from the nurses office to stop bleeding instantly, more bandaids, tape, and gauze. I was so close to cutting with my scapel ive never used it before. I keep telling myself one more day. But i have a feeling that theirs gonna be a day very soon when i cant say “one more day” its been a week 1/2 now. I glad i made it this far. But the pain it takes to make it this long is building.
The maggots are crawling under my skin again.. begging to get out. I scratch at my wrist constantly. But theirs no relieve.
I wonder whats keeping me going. Its not like i have anyone else to please anymore.
Not my friends, not my faimaly, not my x. No one.
21 comments
I’m so very sorry to hear what you have to go through. Your living conditions are horrible. Your in a tough sitiuation and there’s nothing I can do to help other than be here to listen. Try to stay strong even though I know it’s hard .
I have an understanding of how you feel….. it`s funny because my mom yells the same thing at mee everyday about the stupidest things in the world. I hope you can survuve, the pressure is building up on me too, and pretty soon i think it will colapse one way or another, whether it collapses the good way or the bad way. I hope yours is the good way 🙂
when i was your age i got yelled a lot by my dad..a lot. he would yell at me in public places and humiliate me tremendously. i would feel so embarressed and ashamed. looking back, i wish i would have stood up to him . i really do. i would have suffered the consequences, but maybe it would have helped me in the long run. maybe someone would see and do something about it. just maybe.
Brooklyn, you emailed me your number, but i dont know what i did with it, can you email it again to me so i can text you?
BrooklynBoxx ,
this is the pretty young girl on here the other day all the guys went *** *** for? would you please stop all this thinking about cutting,you got alot going for you a things will get better! so………….be good!
rocketman, ive heard her story, its not good. even though i dont recommend or condone the cutting i can totally understand her pain. shes had is pretty bad. until shes old enough to go out on her own shes in a very disfunctiional situation.
why! why! why! So…………………. sorry
first things first my number 2539054270
black hole: i wish i could stand up but everytime i do anything out of place the first think my parents do is send me to my pycatrist and have me be pu on new meds. Im on 22 like i said earlier and its a living hell. I dont even feel alive anymore. Just caught in some dimensional hell.
Lostandalonegirl: i hope the same for you, im trying to release the pressure thats why i joined SP. Hoping it would help since my counslar isnt much of one.
Rocketman: i know i have thinks going for me, but the pain has been outweight the benifets for a long time now. And one day the scales gonna break.
Everyone thank you for your comments and concerns
Also im seeing my counslur today at 4 its 12: 15pm right now
I’m thinking bout showing her my poem “my voice” … should i ???
YES! It might speak louder than your voice.
You sound very intelligent for a girl your age. Are You sure your not an old midget or something?
This probably sounds weirdish but if your parents fight with you and send you to psych they do still care about you. And being compared with your siblings is awful. But I think they do care about you because parents who dont are different. They just dont understand you and they dont know what to do. So maybe they know your sister and they think she’s the same when you are not. Because weare all individuals.
Is there hope that you could go to Washington? Or to hang in there until you can leave Washington pr any place?
You keep on going because you want to. There’s a book about suicidal people. Or its called Steppenwolf.
And its good that you took some bandaids and stuff. Infections are bad
Rocketman!!
blackhole,
well she does!
Midget?
No! very intelligent for a girl her age. I’M I GOING TO SURVIVE THIS ONE! or am i toast?
No im a 14 year old girl rocketman.. i may only be 4’11 but i am not legally a midget till im 18.. and thank you saph
Also my dad canceled my counsler appointment he didnt say why.. so i never got to show her the poemm..
LMAO
i dont really have the enegry to read all the above. but i hope ur alll doing well. havent heard from anyone on here. but keep ur heads up
thank you