I was sure I loved him. It was something I’d never felt before. I lied to him as a defense mechanism and came clean not 24 hours later (not an excuse) and he broke up with me. This process took over 3 days for me to come forward, and his processing. I spent 3 days crying my eyes out and now I feel nothing. I’m not sad. I’m not crying. Nothing…I don’t feel loss. I feel….kinda happy. Can anyone give me a peice of logic or reality to hold onto? Is my brain/body just confused? I’m more distressed at my lack of emotion than I […]
Tag:
hold
In the holdup, can you feel-it’ shake-it
What can I ignite about all from a dead-past
All the way to the
I’m so far-away, I’m so far-away
From the deepest-vines of the fronts
Here to destroy the iron in gold
But I’m so far-away, all-the-way to the burial
In the holdup, can you feel-it’ shake-it
I’m trying to get a hold of, him
Here from where I stand, justifying every-grain, in light
I’m asking, I’m here, for the wisdom, power, and heart
Am I at war, can I be your comrade against-it
So far, away
On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found
I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
You open your eyes
But you can’t remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can’t […]
I read the posts here and I feel so sad. So many people, so much sadness. I wish I could give each and every person a hug.
Let me say this… YOU are the most important person in your life. Please provide yourself with loving words, loving actions and hold on.
Take great care of you.
My mother is literally a few paces away. If I went and told her right now that I am planning to kill myself, she will take me to a mental hospital. I could tell her.
But I won’t.
I have letters to write and grades to make. It’s not time yet. I’ll hold on a little bit longer. I have to follow my plan.
The weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.. im not okay and its not alright.. the lonlyniss is haunting me.
It comes in waves, I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me.
I’m not okay and it’s not all right; ¿Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?
i think the saddest thing in this world is the mere fact, that things come and go…. I hate endings, i really do and i wish we could hold on to each other much longer. Is there such a world where we can understand each other and love each other with out cease? Take me there because i don’t like this dead world.
The absolute gall of my family members is atrocious. They berate me for everything I do (of which I do very little since I try to mind my on bloody business).
I went through absolute mental hell this year for my final year at uni, for some effed up reason, I managed to pass (seriously have no idea how), so imagine my utter disbelief when I get my uni assessment marks in the post and find out I passed everything, I was on the verge of disbelief, sorrow, joy and all other kinds of bewilderment but overall was generally approving of the situation. My ass hat family […]
This time when I cut, I regressed to cutting my left shoulder, as I was wont to do years ago. I slit superficial lines between the iron cross, making the black ink of the tattoo glisten prettily. I wish I had taken that razor and slit my goddamn throat. But I am a gutless *****, too afraid of what could happen to me if I do it. So there are 14 lines, some longer than others, some deeper than others. All easily hidden by my shirt sleeve.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED??!! The fall wasn’t my fault. “You’ve got to hold on […]
Oh the magic of proxy browsers to get to all those websites your pesky boss has blocked. Fuck this. I’m so tired. I don’t really wanna fight anymore or hold on. I’m pretty sure I will because there’s nothing else to do but I won’t enjoy it.
I guess I’m writing this more for myself than anybody else…it just breaks my heart sometimes knowing that the one place you thought where you will be understood and not judged can also be infiltrated by people who cannot do the former and do the latter. I mean this place, our SP community, is a place to share our stories not just about having done it, attempted it and survived it but also having contemplated and/or contemplating it. Contemplating it meaning thinking about it…wondering why do we feel the need to end it? What is going on in our lives? Why must we hold on […]
Things haven’t been going well at all…
I just float through life, trying to hold on to something.. seemingly anything there is to try and hold on to. I don’t want to be alone..alone in my life, in how I feel, in how I think and in how I see things from my perspective. I’m not done with this life yet, I don’t want to die like this..
From my wife leaving me, and never even sending so much as a hello via….? Nothing! ..to the sudden realization of mental illness….to constantly losing my job..never being good enough..to being right out used and brutally attacked…and the permanent […]
After 9 years of thinking about suicide every day (first time I ever thought about it I was about 9, I’m now 22) I finally decided to let everyone know. In October I texted my mother & husband about it. My husband’s response was an atypical caring one, “just hold on” “you’re strong” “you can make it.” “we’ll survive together” etc. You know the garbage anyone spews at someone who comes forward professing their suicidal thoughts. My mother however took the atypical rude approach, “so many people have it so much worse” “you have no idea what it’s really like to struggle” “you’re life has […]
We need to get a hold of Jim Carrey. Hit me up for this. Pilgrimage.
I’m still feeling lonely, like a failure, and hopeless. I have a big project tomorrow and I have to present for over 5mins and my social anxiety is making me stressed. I tried hanging myself today and I did for about under a minute and I was fighting to breathe, unfortunately I was able to hold up on to a tree with my legs and lift myself up. Before I was to much of *****, but everyday I push myself a bit more.
I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.
However, my life is a failure.
I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.
Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.
i still live with my parents.
There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.
Should I end it. Or should […]
Wandering alone at night..
..If this is where you are supposed to be
The crying..
.. the pain
Is this all worth it..
.. Having to hold & cry yourself to sleep
Where is the light..
.. in this dark and lonely planet
You can see me down in that place where I try so hard to wave..my arms burdened by gravity holding them to my face.. so heavy and so hot..believe me or not it’s my fate. The next step I take means too much to take and so I’ve stood still waiting for my will again.
Repair these broken hands.. what is there left to grip? Repair this broken man for the sake of broken lips. Come apart to let you in and hold me down to fix.
Put me back the way I was and I’ll just fall apart again. Reconstruct this broken heart […]