i need something to dream about..
something to do in the future
my family needs me to get out home one day…
oh god! i dont have where to go!
i dont have dreams or anything!!
there is someone that have a dream?
i just need something…
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So where do I even begin? Well, I signed up for this website so I guess I should explain why. Currently, I am not thinking about suicide, but I have in the past and fairly recently thought about how I would do it, why I would do it, who I would hurt and so forth, and then I realized that if anything happened to me, no one would know why, so here I am. Telling all of you what I can’t tell anyone in person.
I’m 15, I turn 16 in three weeks. I have a job that’s pretty mediocre, get good grades, I’m what you […]
She sat alone,
alone and at home,
where her screams were silent,
but her mind was violent.
Her insecurities hid deep inside,
and they indeed eat her alive,
a tear rolled down her face,
as her heart begin to race.
She took her blade and tore her skin,
where her depression lies deep within,
this went on my days, months, years,
and untill she cried her very last tears,
she decided she had enough,
the world around her was much to tough.
She took a gun to her head,
congradalations society,
she is dead.
this is a video of the trains that come though my home town. Notice the very low bumper on this coal train? It would be very easy to fling me off instead of decapitating me like I wanted to happen. Plus these trains don’t travel very fast, like a bullet fired from a shotgun would. I watched a number of these videos. Coal trains like this one have that bumper to sweep shit off the tracks, like a person. http://youtu.be/EEZ0JkOcO1Q
Yesterday wasn’t the best day, and neither was today. I might have lost 3 friends over my mistake that I made.
I was supposed to go to an amusement park with my friend today but I refused to go out of fear. I feared being left out again. She ignored me at dinner last night to talk to my sisters (or at least it felt that way). I just boiled over and got angry, ran upstairs and cried. I didn’t say anything to her when she came up to get me. Just put a smile on my face and continued on.
When today came around I told […]
I was born with bad health and I’ve gone to doctors all my life, but they refuse to help me for long. All of the health conditions I have conflict with each other too much. My main are Interstitial Cystitis, Shy Bladder Syndrome, Type 1 Diabetes, Gastrointestinal, Heart condition (my main blood artery was blocked so I didn’t get the proper blood flow)… I’m in excruciating pain and it’s gotten worse in the last 3 years. I finally managed to get pain killers, but on March of this year this clinic has been fighting me. 3 times I was forced to go cold turkey and […]
i drove up to okc because my step mother and dad are getting married and brittany’s (step mom) dad offered to give her 2 grand for a dress. we found a dress after playing cat and mice with her dad for the money. we couldnt pay for the dress becase her father lied about giving her money he offered. brittany works hard for everything she has never asked her father for shit and always looked after him. we stoped at 7-eleven and her father pulled up drinking and driving gonna get a DUI. my step sister is making a scene about it almost fighting him. […]
So I have been clean from self harming and drug use for a whole 2 months, that was until yesterday when I did both. Yesterday was the Last teen therapy group I went to and everyone went to an amusement park together. Now I get attached very easily, so I knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye, so I took 4 pain pills. I had asked the director of the group if Ms. D (someone I got really close to) could take me home like she normally does. She told me no and I got really upset and we started arguing. When […]
Sorry I haven’t been on here, A few days ago I tried to commit suicide by slitting my wrist and I did it vertically and my mother found me at home. And rushed me to the hospital. Ive been there and to a therapy for a couple days now :/
There are days i just can’t forget the pain.
I get angry during the day when I’m around others. Mostly about being forced to live this life i never asked for or wanted.
Others just see me as a cranky mean *****. If only they knew.
Then i go home and cry until there are no more tears. It lasts for hours, I’m exhausted and fall asleep.
Today was the last day of my teen group. All the kids for all the groups went to ZDT’S. It was fun, hanged out with my squad. Did this support group help me with my self harming and drug problem? HELL NO. We never talked about anything like that, I basically wasted every Thursday since June making friends. I became really close with the transport driver, she thinks I am a great singer and a very pretty young lady. She understands my problems and talks to me. I’m really gonna miss her.
Since today is the last day I’ll see the transport lady, we both wanted […]
Okay, normally I don’t like talking to anyone especially my family but this time I was kinda forced. So me and my sister started to talk and then she mentions taking antidepressants and I just start having this major panic attack and just ran away from home for a couple of hours. I don’t understand why I panicked so much.
Sometimes it scares me how much I think about going out for a walk and never coming home, How willing I am to leave everything I have and everyone I know.
Hey everyone.
I’m a 22 year old guy with a boy and girl of 8months old *twins* and a wife my age. We have both full time jobs *i work in the morning, she in the evening, other week rotation.*
I love my wife very much, she’s from another country as mine, last few weeks it went downhill for us, we argue alot, fights, and I became in some kind of depression, I wanted to make her happy, instead of us. I did everything to do that, only making my life miserable.
I have alot anger in myself, in the years I dont say what I want to, […]
I still haven’t moved on from that fight between me and a bunch of fake friends.
The pain in my head just makes everything worse.
Half-heartedly, I tried my best to look strong. But to no success.
Under the rain, I would be weeping as I kept thinking about it.
Rather than having a fun young life, I refused to do so. I am always at home.
The atmosphere between me and those backstabbers will be awkward on school days.
Sadly, I can’t avoid it as we are in the same class.
Now what do I feel? Put all the initials of every paragraph together.
IT HURTS
I’m home alone. My parents are gone for the weekend. The urge to kill myself while they’re gone is as strong as its ever been and I fear I might do it tonight. I’m breathing heavily and my heart is pacing. I’m scared…
I look back over my life, such as one does, and can now understand the difficulties that I’ve had. Notwithstanding that I grew up in semi-severe isolation (refer other posts) I know now that I have a mental illness of some sort. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but these, I believe, are side issues to a greater matter not yet diagnosed. I wonder if I am on the autistic spectrum? Maybe something else? I know that I do not have schizophrenia for example (no offense to those who have it) …. I just know that there is something more.
I live […]
Well it started in primary I was 4 when I started getting bullied I begged my parents to let me move school and they kept shouting at me and telling me no but when I told them they just shouted at me even more and told me they didn’t believe me, that was them on good days…
As I grew up it got worse in year 6 I started getting abused by people at school but I didn’t understand depression then, it came summer holidays I left primary and then it was high school
I thought I’d have a fresh start with new people from different schools, […]
Today was my birthday, drove to beach with a friend and imbibed a lot of liqor at the beach, shared momemories and laughed. Got back home and slid back to my depression and existential crisis. Holding pills in cupped hands and crying. I want the pain to stop. Can’t go on like this.
It seems like everyone has a good reason to commit suicide. Cyberbullying, bullying, leaked photos, bad home life, no friends, and the list goes on and on. I have none of those. I’m just a normal teenager, with a nack for getting into trouble, a soft spot for people in need, and a family that I could never just abandon. Yet I desperately want to. But I cant. Do you know how much a little oblong shaped solution to my problem costs? Way more than a 15 year old who babysits can afford.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. My reason is simple. I wasn’t made for […]