I use to picture what it would be like if I had if I didnt have most of my problems. Would I be different? Yes. Would I feel better? Yes. Will it ever happen? No. I use to think it will get better one day. That was the first year when everything started. Now I have up wishing. I started getting bullied in 5th grade. It was just little things at first. “You’re ugly” “you’re fat” but as the years went by it started getting worse. Almost everyone in my grade was bullying me. The people who didn’t knew but they didn’t stop them. Everyone […]
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I used to come on here all the time.
I’ve been, “fine” for a year now. Occasionally cutting & testing how many tablets I can take until I throw up. I lie to my CAMHs worker (councillor) about being okay.
I am fat & ugly. After years of abuse I don’t know how I lasted this long. A-levels are too difficult due to how depressed I am.
Now, I have taken a handful of sleeping tablets. I will take more.
Now, I’m going to take my own life.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe to distract myself from how I feel, depressed, light headed, paranoid, & my eyes […]
I don’t know, I’m bored. I slept all day. I have nothing to do. So I guess I’ll tell you my story. I’ve been cutting for 4 years now, it started out as something small. Just one cut, then two cuts, and then before I knew it I was cutting all the way up my arm and on my legs and thighs and my stomach. It’s now an addiction. Wether I’m feeling shitty or not. I need to cut. I want to cut. But I’ve tried suicide multiple times, I’ve chickened out a couple times, I’ve failed a couple times. But I woke up one […]
Today was the first time I’ve been home alone with you sense January 4. I can’t believe what happened that day… It’s hard for me to forget.
At home and alone lone is the only time i let my really feelings show. All sadness, pain and hurt. I try to tell people i really do but i just don’t want the looks that you get after. Not only of worry and pity but also the looks of disbelieving from all the people who believe there is nothing wrong. That it’s all for attention. When really your hurting inside.
Hey. I’m back again, and so soon. I don’t know…I’m just getting worse. She doesn’t even care about me anymore…I want to tell her that I want to kill myself, but I’m not sure she will care. I’m laying in bed right now. I didn’t go to school today because of a neck injury. It’s common sense that I’m not going to tell anyone this in real life, but the injury is because I tried to strangle myself. I figured it wouldn’t work, but I suppose it was just trying to relieve some of my frustration. But the injury kept me home from school today, […]
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
I’ve gotten to be very good at hiding what’s inside. Whenever somethings wrong or bothering me, I can usually hide it really well. I have several different masks though..
Home/Family Mask- When I’m home and just around my parents i usually just chill in my room and act tired (which i usually am when im upset). I curl up in my sweat pants and wrap up in blankets so they can’t see if I have hurt myself in anyway. But I havnt done that in a while. This mask is usually just hiding out and being tired.
Dance Mask- When i’m at dance, i just try to act goofy […]
I have this sort of major issue I realized with my exit plan. What should I do with my dog, cat, pony, and horse? I have no idea how much time could pass before someone finds me after I go. I don’t want to leave a note with anyone I know regarding them bc I don’t want to single anyone out to deal with the immediate aftermath of my death. I also don’t want it to somehow sabotage my plan.
I’m almost thinking I should bring the horses to my neighbor’s pasture while she’s a work. And drop my […]
I thought that, finally, we were starting to be a normal family, a happy family. I thought that two days ago. I was being really naive. My dad seemed to be more happy, more like he was when I was a child. But no. He usually leaves the house for days, but I thought those days were ended. Just because he seemed really happy. He left the house on thursday. First he go out and come back, then he leave saying something like “Be back at 3 am , but I didn’t understand what he said. Thanks, daddy.
It’s my fault too. He’s loveless, and my attitude to him doesn’t help. I […]
I’ve done it.I think I finaly got rid of the only two “friends” that still talked to me.I kept rejecting their proposal to hang out.It’s been about 2 weeks that I haven’t seen them.
No more stupid talk
No more going along those stupid talk
No more people trying to change me at all cost
No more fake smile
I am 100% alone now.
Man it just feels so stupid to write this for everyone to see.I wish I could burn my mask but I’m too much of a coward to do so.I’ve goten so affraid of being rejected by people that I’ll surely use it forever on…My mother started noticing […]
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