I’m back in my hometown for the summer. It’s between the semesters for college, and I’ve been suffering the entire time. Is it odd that the moment I stop on the pavement I got a stomach ache? I couldn’t get a job and I’ve chosen to drop one summer class. Just from those two things, my parents think it’s reason enough to beat me. To scream at me. To call me ‘retarded’. They didn’t even pay for my classes. My grandmother left me money for college; from things like this… but they think that because I spent it on a class that I dropped, I’m […]
Tag:
Hometown
I’m gonna put a hole in my T.V. set
I don’t wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
I don’t wanna grow up
I’d rather stay here in my room
Nothin’ out there but sad and gloom
I don’t wanna live in a big old tomb on grand street
When I see the 5 o’clock news
I don’t wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don’t wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don’t wanna put no money down
I don’t wanna get a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
Life is too precious too consider throwing away. theres so many beautiful people in this world and mysteries and suprises you’d never expect and to cut your life short is throwing away any chance of having that. My mom always said it’s funny how things work, and she’s right. Having god come in my life in 10th grade couldn’t have been just a coincidence. i didn’t know the hardships and battles i would face later in life. God guided me all the way through there though, it was a miracle. i’ve made alot of mistakes along the way and my drug and alchohol abuse, while […]
I’m new so I’m sorry if I am not doing this right… Can I complain here? I’ve only read a little.
I had a hideous upbringing, a hideous adolescence… I joined the US military to escape home…
My very best friend in the whole world was someone I met online, actually. For years he was my confidant. Long story short, we met, fell in love. Much as I fled my home state, I up and fled my home country and moved to the other side of the world. Got into an excellent school, an excellent programme, doing all right. It was a struggle doing it, but everyone […]
Even though I’ve been on anti depressants for almost a year now, and I have had my dosage upped twice, the depression persists. It figures because it’s chronic. But where I used to feel that at least something better was around the bend, now I feel like each passing year worsens me as both a person and a functional human being.
I can’t bring myself to meet goals or requirements. I’m always tired and I rarely feel good. I’m lonely, but I can’t make strong connections with anyone. I try to reach out but it’s never the kind of fulfillment I need socially. I haven’t had […]
I was going to kill myself. I was going to just jump off a cliff in my home town. I had the gut to do it too. But my mom cancelled my fucking flight to my hometown.
I was so happy that I was going to see my family before I died. I didn’t want to see my adoptive mom before I killed myself, but she had to mess everything up. I hoped for a miracle that would stop me from killing myself, but not THIS. I wanted something happy to make me feel good and second guess my plans. But she cancelled my flight.
I really hate […]
I just dont feel like being anywhere. It seems as though i dont share the same values as those who inhabit this patch of earth alongside me. I feel like im in a constant state of purgatory, neither here nor there. The only reason im on this site is i can express myself to those who might possibly relate, although im not so sure about that either. Im a blessed individual with a loving family and a lot of opportunities laid before me. Im mentally and physically blessed and i feel selfish for cursing my existence but i havent met anyone who gets me. Everyone […]
I was born on December 16th 1998 into a loving supportive family, I don’t know how I ended up like this.
My mother was a tattoo artist, and my father a truck driver. They were too busy when I was a child to take care of me, so I had to go to daycare. The first time I was called a bad name was in that daycare. Ever since that day I’ve never forgotten everything I’ve ever been called. And that was also when the nightmares started. I don’t know if they were interconnected, or whether I just made it all up to get over it, […]
i am a woman,but i feel like a child sometimes. im married with a child, i dont know want to have these thought because i love my family but i feel like shit. i dont know if im smiling or im just waiting for the end of the day i stay at home ive only had 1 job n been out off work for a while He works and goes to trade school…somedays i try i look online for work i clean but i just give up its like forever is a day and it comes everyday we’ve moved far away from my […]
Again, this is going to be about Shekiera. I don’t know why, but I feel like I have to record things about her before I forget. not that I would. but I want to remember these memories and dreams before I can’t recall them anymore.
Dream #1:
I can’t really remember this dream, because it was a year ago that I had it. but, I’m going to try and tell you here today. Okay. so, in real life I got my Driver’s license Last year in June, a month after she passed. I didn’t have the dream until four months after that. In that dream I […]
Isolation
Anxiety
Guilty
Yet Quiet
Pushing myself Slowly
………
Distractions
Still worried
Caring but
Really
Challenging
Missing
Emptiness
Lost
Frustrated
Sad
Reality I really do have too
Can’t go…
Near…
Supposed to move forward plus…
Others are happy.
Its like…
I never existed ever…
I always understood the fact where everyone always moves forward,
Abandoning others
I try so hard not to abandon other people though…
Even if i am mad,
Pissed off after we make up we still say hi and have a conversation but this time…
It will never happen.
That guilt and regret feeling.
It conqures more and more…
Each and every day again.
but at least I am starting to forget.
Starting to be self again.
Isolated
Alone
Quiet
Calm
I’m a hobbiest now.
Try something new
I will never be a princess
I shall not fall as quickly
I was a hopeless romantic
Just […]
My mom told me when I lived in my hometown and was not even one yet that when people had a bad day, theyd ask for me because just my presense cheered them up. People always tell me how noce I am. And how happy i am. And how much I fucking make their life so much better. Ive had people tell me i’d be a good therapist, and thats what I should do in life. Im known for helping people out.. But when it comes to me, I get no help. I have tO go through this shit alone. No one stops to ask […]
This is my first time posting. But I am feeling kinda suicidal right now. I was on medication for like 7 years, I dunno I guess I was just naturally depressed since a very young age, but now it’s been 6 months that I’m off it. I honestly feel like killing myself now, cuz I can’t feel shit in my heart.. I have a girl and there’s lots of people and friends that really care about me.. But nonetheless I don’t feel much.. My daily schedule is like a bit fucked, try to keep busy but not much going on.. Just waiting to go off […]
Today was actually ok, my dad didnt yell that much my mom was nice and everything went pretty smoothly…only probelm is tommorows monday amd get to see all the bitchy cheerlearders and other annoying assholes…i wish my friends understood, whemever i start to tell them they get this wierd arkward lookso i always end up making it into a joke and pretend it was nothing. Im tired if trying to conform into to someome im not..i dont even know who i anymore. From basicaly kindergarden i was the “wierd kid” the one who was always too mature, my mom used to call me an […]
So…I’m 20 year old girl who is feeling like a loser for her whole life.
I fail at college which my parents and I pay a lot of money for. I just don’t feel like studying. Even when I find the will to do that, it disappears quickly and rarely returns. Â I find studying boring and unefficient. I fail at being a college student.
This is just what was been worrying me recently. My whole life is some kind of a sick joke someone got me into and I have the feeling that everyone around me laugh at me behind my back. I’m just miserable.
So I think […]
My mother left my father when I was 2 years old. He was an alcoholic and used to be a little violent against my mother.
I’m turning 24 this year.
My father has changed. He doesn’t have a problem with the alcohol now, he drinks, but not every day. He is well now.
He always send me gifts. Birthdays and christmas. This christmas he called me. He’s done it before. We talk, and I love it. Everytime he calls, after we hung up I cry for hours. I so badly want to have a relationship with him, but I’m a coward. I live in another town, so […]
For all of you suffering a bit of heartache …we all lose sometimes ….anyway, hope you like …from my hometown ~ Melbourne ~(Goyte) is the artist.
I am a 59 year old male who just wants to go to sleep for a very very very long time….forever would be nice. I just want to die in my sleep, without experiencing any pain.
If I were to die right now, I could honestly say I have lived my life to the fullest given certain constraints. You see, I was born with very bad asthma back in 1949. Back in the 50s, doctors didn’t know what to do with us children with asthma. So they made us stay in our beds, put a big piece of plastic over the bed, and pump in oxygen. […]