Hey everyone! I’m 16 years old, and have struggled with clinical depression, anxiety, and self harm for quite a while. I turned to drugs and started heavily using in order to cover up the pain in my life. I was stuck in an abusive relationship that I kept trying to make work, but never succeeded. My life got so bad, that every day and every night would be spent crying and self harming. It relieved that pain for just a little while, but of course it didn’t last for long. A little over a month ago, I couldn’t take the pain of my life anymore […]
Tag:
hope
It took me a while to figure out how useless cutting was and how much easier it is go suicide.To get teased and called offensivr names every day, why do I have to life through this? I thought of so many ways to die. I didn’t want my parents to see their daughter outside their backyard or in their room and I didnt want to be on the front cover of a newspaper. I kept staring at bottles. Was it worth it? I lost all the courage that got me here and realized, maybe not today or tomorrow. Its temporary. Please everybody, temporary pain will […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
Every day I wake up from a previously horrible day, and I try to stay positive. Â But then…comes this force that drains my energy, and all the hope I ever had. Â I fall deeper and deeper every day, every time I try harder and harder to stay up. Â As for my academics, I work hard (orgo. chem in high school), but then sometimes lose it all in the middle of my classes or when I am doing homework.
I look at other students who are always truly smiling (unlike my fake smile), and they seem to enjoy every second of their lives. And I…I just sit […]
YOU’RE a QUEER, a SISSY, GAY, a FAGOT; little words that do enormous damage to any person, but especially children, may be long forgotten by those who say them, but never erased from the memory of those who endure.
Unless he was in front of an audience, Jimbeau Hinson, Jimbeauhinson.com writer of Setting Fancy Free (The Oak Ridge Boys) Tonight I’m Looking for a Party Crowd, (David Lee Murphy) and other hits, was always a shy, quiet child.
“I always felt different from everyone else at the time, but I’ve come to realize I was […]
It’s strange…
When you have never met, or even spoken to a person…yet you feel like on some level you already know them.
It may be you feel that way because of things that someone tells you about them,
or it may be because in a way you know what they are going through.
You know them through someone else’s correspondence with them,
because you try to reassure the person that loves this stranger you feel you know.
You feel helpless…because you wish you could tell that person how much they are loved by someone, yet you can’t.
You feel useless because with all the […]
Its been a year since I last posted on this announcing my final day on this god forsaken earth. But as you can see it didn’t go quiet as to plan. I took a large dosage of mixed pills, slit my wrists in a cold bath and awaiting my end, only to wake up a few days later in hospital.
That was a year and 2 days ago now. Surely I should have overcome all of it, but the same problems have snuck up to me and more. When I wrote on this first I was nothing but a teenage wreck, living in the bit of […]
I love her because she’s perfect. Contrary to popular belief she is absolutely perfect. From the way her hair looks in the morning to the way her feet are always warm, she is perfect. I love her for being that person who looks into my eyes – who reaches into my soul to bring out the hope and happiness. I love her for the way seeing her smile, can bring tears into my eyes. I love her for her heart and how it’s big, compassionate and kind. I love her for her soul, which everyday shines brighter and brighter through her eyes. I love her […]
I’ve been suicidal for many years and, to an extent, most of my life. Not a manic obvious case of suicide but a quite, calm and patient case. It was supposed to all happen tomorrow, Friday, July 26th 2013 but won’t.
I realized recently that my plan all this time was not the right way to go about things. The plan was to take my friend’s handgun and walk from his place to the nearby hospital. There I would warn the staff about the events that were going to take place, to prepare surgery for my organ donation, and to clear out the area so that […]
I can feel my heart slowly beating the same slow pulse,
But my mind is breaking apart and starting to convulse,
As I try to not think about the destruction before my eyes,
Another day gone down the drain in the life that I despise,
A quiet bum bum, bum bum, goes on inside my chest,
I still have a heartbeat but it’s very faint,
Meager at the very best,
Back to my brain,
It is turning off,
Shutting down from all my pain,
The drugs, the cuts, the suicide,
My eternal cloud of rain,
I’ve been counseled and hospitalized to no avail,
Every treatment sought has failed,
Hope is scarce and failure is often,
I wish they would just put me […]
Hello, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here posting my feelings and troubles. I’m back because I have some new stories to tell. I am now currently 14, finally, turning 15 in 6 months. My last post was about my ex-boyfriend and his cousin, gladly that issue is resolved with (on my hand) some people will call “tell dad about it”. My father is a good man even though I have not had him in my life until last year. Well it is now 2013 and I am finally in high school getting great grades 3.0 GPA. I have my life mapped out […]
Ever since i was young i was bullied for anything they could pick out. Bullies have called me millions of names, too many to write. I felt worthless, nothing, a nobody. It got to the point where i’d had enough. I wanted to tell people but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to do it. I self-harmed to help me through it, but my mum found out meaning i went to a psychiatrist. Then school got involved. Big problem. Teachers always checking my arms asking if i was okay. I just wanted to be left alone. Their was this boy who always picked on […]
“Ooooh…”
So i was sitting outside a while ago, enjoying a smoke at dawn, during a rather precipitous rain storm…
A faded flash behind the veil, an echoed crack of thunder in the distance…
Crossed paths with some memories, thought about where i’d left some things…
There’s a certain person who is always close inside, no matter how far removed from my physical life, who i just can’t help but think of, when it rains.
Or when it’s just cloudy.
Or when it’s sunny.
Or when it’s just a normal windy day.
I recalled a recurring theme i used to employ, as part of my previously favorable attitude and outlook that this person […]
I finally have had enough with the emotional and physical abuse with everyone in my life. It is not like I have a best friend to tell all my problems to and receive advice from so I have decided to take a step forward and see a therapist.
I am partially excited about this decision because I can finally allow myself to open up without worrying about my secrets getting out but I am also afraid to tell about my feelings and emotions because what if he/she thinks I am a freak? A nothing.
This is my first step towards freedom from the dreadful memories that bind […]
Sometimes, when I wake up, my heart beat seems slow and soothing, and I know that day is going to suck. Nothing will go right and I will reach for my blade, again. I hate it. I hate the people who make me feel worthless because they are right. I deserve to be bullied. All the vulgar thoughts that run through my head at any given time.. I’ve thought of killing my mom. Messed up, I know.
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]
The strangest and weirdest thing about recovery is comparing who you are now to who you were before. It is also one of the most amazing and yet bitter-sweet and almost heartbreaking things.
About a year ago, the suicidal thoughts fully took hold of me, they’d been there for a year or maybe more, but I’d been preoccupied with various other things and hadn’t really given the idea of taking my own life very much thought. But for whatever reason, last March I became completely filled with a desire to fall off the face of this earth. To begin with, it was a case of wanting […]
(sorry for my english, I’m Chilean)
“Throughout my childhood I longed only to be loved. Every day I thought about how to take my life, but, at heart, she was already dead. Only pride saved me. ” – Coco Chanel
since i have my fresh memory i loved and still loving fashion but that’s isn’t the point.. everybody says that being perseverant made genious or people like that… well you understand me
sometime for me is difficult think i may become a perosn like them.. for me that times are past and maybe there’s no more people like them..
i think i can’t be like them…
Everyone needs someone at some point or the other. Who will make sure they are okay. That they are not falling apart. Someone who can hear all the heart has to say. Not to give solutions, but only to hear, to feel what’s going on inside you.
I have waited for long. And so many times I heard voices. Shadows looming up. Hope starts knocking. Yet I have accepted being empty handed. Empty then, empty now.
Sometimes, work absorbs me. Or else, I try to forget myself in others’ lives. Anything, but to feed that hope. It is a mirage. I know. But I too have […]
Well people it’s a cliché that we born to die, but is true we have moments but always the end is dead, so what is the problem with smoke? What is the problem with uncontrolled sex? What is the problem?
We spend all our life trying to find a way to live more years or to be healthy… Life is more than that and maybe that’s why we are here in this site screaming and begging to someone’s support and a shoulder to cry, we are a symbol of self harm because we choose it unconsient.
I know how hard is but please take my […]