I just want help or maybe to stop living or run away from everything. I’m at university and I have friends but I’ve lied and cheated to everyone and haven’t lived up to my parents reputations or expectations. I want to be alone away from everything. I think about killing myself but more than anything I want my guilt and sadness to stop. I feel awful and horrible for the way I’ve acted but I can’t go back on my actions. Apologizing to people 4-6 months after the fact doesn’t solve anything. I feel horrible. I just want to be done with everything. I can’t […]
Tag:
horrible
the only memories I have of my childhood are of my father, telling me how worthless I am, calling me horrible names when I was so young. I was 16 when I was finally allowed to make the choice to never see him again, up until then court orders had me there. I was mentally and even physically abused for what should have been my childhood. When someone tells you something so often for so long you really start to believe them “maybe I will never mean anything to anyone, not even my own father loves me” I tried so hard for so long to […]
So I stumbled on this site tonight while researching methods to use when my time comes. I’m a little nervous about saying this out loud (or even in anonymous type), but yes, I do intend to end my life. Not now, or even in the near future, but when the time is right. There’s only one reason I’m still alive right now really, and that’s my dad. Not only is he a great guy and my untimely demise would shatter him, but he’s also paid a great deal of money our for my new doctor to stabilize my mental health. To her credit, btw, I’m […]
My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.
i hope no one would judge me here .
i am just a teen ., 15-16 ..but i have done horrible things . i had round about 6-7 ex boyfriends & more reltns in which i stayed with just 2-3 days but all these relationships were on fb or phn , no physical contact , i was a kid and i was immature and i hate myslf for wt i had done , i regret it evry single day , i feel so sad that i can’t face myslf . i was immature , but my reputation now is totally ruined , beside my exs […]
I feel like I’m constantly lying to prevent anyone knowing how I really feel. I feel like a failure and don’t know how to start again. I wish I used my past opportunities better, but this horrible depression feels so debilitating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. No one knows I want to kill myself. Suicide, Â it’s always in the back of my mind like a comfort, that if things get worse I can always get out of this life. My life has become that trivial to me now, that the thought of dying is a comfort.
I told my girlfriend that im feeling very suicidal but she’s manic and hallucinating and keeps yelling at someone who she says is in her house. JUst the fucking situations I get myself into are horrible and it is like I set myself up for disaster. I don’t know what I am doing with my life anymore.
is my mothers birthday and the anniversary of my fathers death. I haven’t said happy birthday to my mother in 7 years. It is not a joyous day, so I don’t think there is any point in saying it. It makes me feel horrible but I literally can’t find it in me to say it. And Mother’s Day is not too far behind. Worst daughter of the year.
As I sit here crying, in pain. My chest hurts and I feel like absolute shit. You lay there sleeping with not a care in the world for everything taking a toll on me. You say I push you. It’s always me. Always me pushing you. And maybe I do. Maybe I’m the reason for everything horrible that you blame me for. But as I sit here, I think about how much I want to tell you that you’re pushing me. I’m so near to giving up. I never felt so alone. I can’t go to you because you’ll judge me. You’ll tell me I’m […]
I’m just so fucking confused. Where do I fit in life. I’m a 15 year old girl. I have no more friends my grades are horrible and I have developed bad socail anxiety. I feel like I can’t be myself around people. I’m just trapped in what people expect me to be. I’m so tired of being a dissapointment just because I want to be me. Now I just turn into a different person around people to please them and I’m tierd of it. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and after highschool my grades aren’t good enough to go […]
Im sure my brain is “wired” incorrectly
Unable to sleep propperly since a child
Earliest memory is standing above a large drop (for my age/height at the time) wating to throw myself down it
So I have been wishing death since 4/5 years old
Im almost 30 now and it cant continue
In the past I have tried a mix of different drugs, as one does in younger years
I found almost all of them to produce strange effects ine that no one else got
Mdma made me feel like my body was stuck in slow motion. Anti depressants are based on this kind of chemical structure and in turn cause similar […]
There is peace all over this earth, but never will I find peace. I don’t belong anywhere, and everywhere I go, all I see is disapointment and isolation. I love this planet, and I love humanity. Thing is, humans with no respect are destroying it and I can’t stand it. It hurts me to see all these animals being mistreated and chopped into food, it hurts to see all this oil and trash in our beautiful seas, all these people starving, these nuclear stations, this poison in our food, the polluted air, wars, fluoride in the water…. I’m just a witness of all this desolation […]
But I wish my life would be done already. It’s something I just want to get over with. Â Like getting a root canal or something.
I love both my kids very much. Â They mean more to me than anything.
I have 2 kids one age 22, & one 15. Â The 22 year old is miserable all the time & blames me for everything bad in his life. Â He’s suffered from mental illness for many years, & I’ve done my best to get him help. He is extremely mean to me & his sister, but I still try to be patient with him. Â I only want him to […]
The famous poem goes
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
But I can’t say I agree. I refuse to “whimper” out. Never have and never will. I haven’t always won my battles (Christ knows I haven’t), I haven’t always fought bravely against my enemies. But I’ve NEVER rolled over and taken it.
And Life is my greatest enemy. I will not roll over and take it, like so many […]
It’s so horrible that I feel like I want to die every day! Like, why me? Why do I deserve to feel this way?! It all started when I was 13, started cutting, burning myself and suicide attempts… But when I was 15 it got so much worse! I had to deal with my 21 years old boyfriend at the time (we were together 10 months) Raping me, hitting me, making me do things that I didn’t want to do, stopping me talking to my friends and begging me to cut myself because he liked the look of it.. Because of him I tried to […]
shall I do it soon or later? will you miss me when I’m gone or will you be pleased? tell me before its too late, I don’t get it no more will you build me up just to break me again like the old times? Am I a play thing to you because I’m your daughter I’m not like the others I’m different then her just because I grew up idolising her doesn’t mean i am her, it doesn’t mean I will be her it just means I looked up to her courage. I’m my own person now I’ve grew up a lot I’m not […]
I had friends who I loved with all my heart. I moved in with 2 of them and my boyfriend. We were our own little family. And now. My boyfriend and one of my friends moved away. I try to keep in touch with my friend who still lives in the same town as me but she never gets back to me. Saying she’s working and then I see snapchats of her with other people.
Am I really horrible that this girl that I considered my family for so long would flake out on me?
I have no friends in my home town and I can’t moved […]
I’m 19 years of age and in need of  a way out of this world. I just can’t deal with the stress and hurt any longer. Sure it goes away for a few days maybe even weeks but this horrible feeling come back with vengeance all the time. Even more powerful and even longer than before. It’s always on and off and all I wanna do when I feel that way is sleep because I can escape. I’m failing college and loosin all my friends one by one. I am truly alone. My parents would flip if they knew I was failing, and more than likely […]
i havent been on this website for months. 9 to be exact. i remembereed my login, and read through all my old posts and realise i am feeling absolutely no different than i did before.
i may even feel worse.
this is so horrible and there is no one around me to listen to me . they are all getting on with their happy lives and i feel like my feet are glued stuck.
there is no one for me to go and there is no way of expressing myself that is satisfying. not even cutting can make me feel better anymore.
I tried hanging myself, did an overdose of prescriptions. Tried everything and I am still alive. Is it because I am too scared to go far or is it because I don’t really want to die. I wonder why life is so horrible. I am really religious. I used to think that God planned out our futures. I used to that God controlled everything. I used to think that God had the ability to make you happy but he doesn’t. If he really does have that power, why doesn’t he end my life right now. That would make me happy. If God meant for life […]