Well, this is my story. My first attempt to suicide when i was 16+. My true suffering when i started my IGCSE studies at the age of 15. According to my seniors, it was a year that supposedly has no room for fun and games. So i studied and really put in a lot of effort to work smart. Unfortunately, i was disadvantaged due to the fact of not having friends to support you when you need them the most and having a family that ask’s too much of results from you not knowing that they hurt you psychologically and physically. Meaning physically by the […]
Tag:
hurting
Last nite I was so upset, i was more than ready to kill myself. Instead of hurting myself, I decided to just wait another day. I went to sleep.
when I woke up, I was still upset, but I had calmed down. I just wanted to stay in bed all day but I couldnt, I had to go to work. I’m suicidal most days, but when it comes to work, Im too fucking responsible.
Right now I’m just as upset as yesterday, but I’m just going to sleep hoping that tomorrow is less annoying
People don’t care until you’re dead. I think we all know that now. I wish it wasn’t true. i wish there was some sort of way to show people how much they’re hurting me. I wanna hurt them back by leaving. By doing this act of killing myself. To show them how much shit they made me go through. I hope they cry. It must be very morbid for me to say all this but that’s how I feel. How can I help it?
I now it may sound arrogant and selfish and i do apologise in advance, but i just wanted to see whether I am the one and only who feels like that. Basically, I often read the posts here and i come across really sad stories, some people go through really tough times in their life and i do fully empathise with them. Â In my case, I Â cant say that I have major problems in my life meaning, i have a partner, ok job, few friends etc. So nothing really major to report.
However, I constantly feel like ending my life as i do not see any […]
i really hope he gets a wakeup call one of these days. fuck you! i fucking changed. i don’t give a fuck if thats how i was in my past. how fucking dare you insult me like that. this is how i feel now and thats part of growing up and making mistakes. i don’t want to fuck around anymore. i have fucking feelings. i am also in fucking love and i fucking am not going to be degraded by you. fuck you. i don’t care what you say. i mean this. you just fucking keep hurting me. fuck you for tearing someone down this […]
.. but nothing more than an artificial light.
I can’t seem to be able to express myself properly much anymore. Nor can I express this pain that is so deeply imbedded in my heart and my soul, from there on it has hurt my body badly, and this goes on, and on, in a perpetual cycle. The sun has gone for so long. My spirit has gone for so long. I am debilitated by the relentless pain I continue to carry. It has been 6 months, and in these 6 months I have only learned of more and more that has hurt me so much until […]
I don’t want anyone’s pity, that’s not why I post on this site, this is just the only place where I can put down anything
So basically, typical depressed male teenager story, plus a few details
Anyway, I just…I’m lost, I spend most of my time alone, even though I fear isolation, though I’m welcoming it more and more. I was crying during lunch today at school because somebody came up to me and wanted to know what was wrong, and how they could help. But they can’t. I know this is vague, I’ve never been one for details, I don’t talk to people much. Honestly the […]
you’ve completely pushed me over the edge. i don’t care if the messages stopped. you said just enough, enough times, and left it how you did, knowing how cruel you are. how could you beat a person down that badly that many times? how could you just keep hurting me that badly? what’s wrong with you? do you actually believe all of the horrible things you kept saying to me?! do you think you’re sane?! you can’t be! you have so many issues that are far beyond me. how could you hurt me this badly? how can you be so cruel. i don’t care what […]
I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]
but I am hurting, I’m hurting so bad that I do whatever it takes to shut everything off. I want to die so bad, and everyday some part of me tries to talk me out of it. I know I get it I truly honestly do you have to live for yourself make yourself happy do things you want. But I don’t care about myself I don’t love myself so its hard for me it really is. I self destruct, I give up, I have never truly done anything solely because I wanted to. I have done nothing but hurt myself, I have so much […]
Since when did life become working 5 or 6 days a week. Sitting in traffic an hour each way mind you. Despite living less than 15 minutes away from work, it takes a miracle to get home in under an hour most days. All that just to barely make a descent income, to support myself, pay bills, and whatever is left that the government doesn’t take from me I save some and spend the rest on gas and groceries. It’s like an endless cycle. There’s no denying I’m depressed and in need of serious help. And I’m not talking about the help that comes in […]
“This might be the heartache that don’t stop hurting, it just keeps working on me, it just keeps pickin’ on me.”
I’ve tried almost everything to make it go away. Smoking, drinking, sex, and shredding my wrists.. The most helpful thing has been cutting. Seeing the blood drip and roll down my body. It’s almost like I’m draining my body of the hurt. If I just bleed enough it’ll eventually go away forever.. at least that’s what I’m hoping. I’m at a dead end and I don’t know what else to do.. tell somebody? or keep shredding my body until I’m all gone? I’m running out […]
If I only could
If I could fill your hurting soul with love and happiness,
I would.
If I could fix your broken smile and light your eyes with life,
I would.
Believe me, If I only could, I would.
I’m not good at this, I wanted to give it a try. xd
I wish I could make everyone smile, just for a second.
am i the only one who felt worse once someone told me i had severe depression?
am i the only one who stays up late thinking because sleeping will mean its closer in waking up?
i know a lot of people are feeling how i am, or worse, i just cant stop crying or feeling the way i do. i wont to change, i want to be reborn so i can take away these scares that i’ve been told im weak over. i want to start over, new body, new everything. i want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
I’m tired of people lying
I’m tired of people hurting me
I’m tired of getting caught in this mess
I’m tired of crying
I’m tired of being broken
I’m tired of people breaking me
I’m tired of people saying hurtful things
I’m tired of living
I can’t move on.
I can’t let go.
I can’t stop it.
I can’t stop me.
I can’t go on.
I can’t stop hurting.
I can’t stop pain.
I can’t stop breaking.
I can’t stop crying.
I can’t stop hoping.
The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I don’t want to hurt anyone but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me.
Today I started to cut. It feels like the right thing to do. I was going to do it on my arms but I decided to do it on my hip instead. The pain is bad but the cuts are good, though I feel like a mess. I keep shaking every time it think about self harm, it’s like the shakes you have when you’re cold, they’re hard to stop. My hip is badly hurting now. I’ve had racial comments made at me today. Some by my “friends’” boyfriend, but her and all her friends that were supposed to me my friends are sticking up […]
I’m not asking as a way to judge you, Â I completely understand wanting to cope with depression. But why cutting specifically? I’ve used several methods myself; Hallucinogenics, Drugs, Alcohol, things like that.
I’m asking because I’ve tried doing it and I just don’t feel the pleasure, and I’ve attempted suicide several times, so I know a thing or two about “hurting myself”. So why do you guys like it?
im shivering
im cold
im crying
im broken
im alone
im terrified
im shivering
doors close
radio on
darkness within
no light
pain hurts
hurting now
doors close
feeling lonely
feeling useless
feeling worthless
feeling terrible
feeling hurt
feeling suicidal
feeling lonely
i scream
i yell
i talk
i whisper
i hear
i listen
i scream
within me
within darkness
within pain
within hurt
within loneliness
within brokenness
within me