I spent a long time writing that shit. Fuck it.
Tag:
I guess
This is a brief story of the past few years of my life nothing to something I guess. I’ve always just put one foot in front of the other I’ve tried a few times and was saved on all occasions I put my family and self through hell then I ran away from home I left everything behind and moved in with my best mate,things were good for awhile but I got into weed which agian not so bad but my best mate sister and her boyfriend did ice on a regular basis so I started that aswell,things went to shit fairly quickly I broke […]
So I guess I’m wondering if there is any difference in being dead in LA or NY. Not that I’m partial to either, but if I just go ahead and off myself in LA I would save a couple hundred for the plane ticket to New York. I guess I feel more comfortable in nyc, I know the area well and it would be nice to be there, something about the city I guess. It was the first place I really felt free. That would take a little bit more planning and less money to reimburse other people. Either way a hotel is pretty easy […]
Dear Who the fuck ever,
I am so sick of trying for something that feels so futile. I have known from a very young age that I will die by my own hand. And you can call that selfish, but the only reason I am still breathing today is because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I do not want to stick A****** with the stigma of a dead, suicidal sister. I love that little girl more than I have ever loved myself. I love you A****, but A****** comes first. If she were not here I would have been dead by my own hand years […]
Yet another day that I woke up alone. No missed texts or calls from anyone. No one to talk to except my personal demons telling me your not worthy of experiencing this day. Just the same mundane routine that plagues me every day. Wake up exhausted because I cant sleep well anymore. Its 6 am. I hit snooze hoping an extra 5 minutes will make me feel a little better yet I never seem to be able to take that extra 5 minutes. Its like a tease.
Stand in the shower looking at the cuts on my arm and crying wishing I could smell her cooking breakfast again and […]
Is anyone out there in the same boat as me?
26 years old
I’m unemployed now for about 1.5 years
I can’t afford the repayments on my unit
I’m fat
I’m ugly
I’ve not a cent to my name
Oh, yes, and I don’t have a drivers licence
I’d just like to know if there is anyone going through the same thing. I guess it feels good to know you are not alone. I don’t know.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, Lucy, you’re not actually going to try to end it again, are you?!” Well, the answer, my dear friends… is no. I’m not going to try to kill myself again. Not for a little while, anyway. I mean, I doubt I’m going to live to see 2015, but that’s still a ways off, so I’m still here.
Basically, I just wanted to make this post just to tell everyone one last time how I’m doing. I know it’s been a while since I made an update, so a lot’s happened, but… here goes.
Shortly after I made my post “My […]
Im feeling good.
Even though there’s a downpour outside,
My mind seems to find a happy place.
A space that doesnt exist on this plane
but which I create and can change
according to my will
in accordance to the pills that I ingested
in mass quantities
Yes it bothers that im living in another persons body as my soul continues rotting My own mind continues plotting
Against me
When I resist me
Multiple personalities
Collide inside me
Im dying
Im dead
I dread the days, curse the night, wish my life would end.
I guess its more of a rap than a poem
I’m new here so I hope I don’t stuff this. I’ve been feeling really down now for about 8 years. I’ve made many soft attempts at suicide, I guess in an attempt to get help. I am becoming more and more depressed to a point where I can’t function in almost any way. I used to have such pride and such a desire to keep trying even if I felt all the demons circling me every day. Now I couldn’t care less about anything and I miss caring even if it was in a small way. I have nothing going on in my life. I’ve […]
It’s been a long sad break from this place. And man, I have no clue where I’ve wandered to. All I know is I’ve been more broken then ever these past two weeks. I want to be free. I hate feeling so chained up. Within my own mind claustrophobia is eating me away. My whole life there is one, only one thing I’ve asked for. And that is a place of belonging. Where I’m not thrown away like some non living object. I’m sick of living in the dump. You know what the dump is filled with? Worthless things that no longer have meaning or […]
Well,I guess we’ll soon find out if I’ll live or die through this…
I just made a suicide pact with myself.I’m going in vacation back to my homecountry of Romania and,if things don’t change for the better until the end of the summer,then that’s it.It will never change for the better.It’s now or never.
I’m not even hoping that things will get better,because I know that every time I put my hopes in something,it turns into a huge and painful disappointment.Sometimes I really want something very bad to happen so I have a ”reason” to kill myself,as if I don’t already have one…
Haha,anyway,if I do commit suicide […]
I’m sick and tired of never being ‘that person’. I’m always the ‘extra’, the girl there, the invisible one, the girl that came with someone, the un-existing. I hate myself for that, but I can’t show me as I am with everybody… I believe I’m too weird. I guess it must be that because everybody says that I’m hard to talk to. That I don’t think like everybody, that I’m weird. An outsider. I want someone to care. I want someone to come over and say hey! let’s talk; instead of: Is she your friend? Can you help me with her? I fucking hate my […]
I don’t want to kill myself. I do want to die. Two sentences that I have said in my head and out loud for years. It’s not that I don’t have people who care and/or love me only, that’s the reason I don’t know if I could actually do it myself. I have recently been fully diagnosed with Bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms.
Still something I have a hard time even thinking without some sort of unchecked rage or hysteria. It’s simple why I want to die though, really. There is no hope. I’m rotting from the brain out. All that will happen is I […]
Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]
Well my name is Christopher, I’ve been dealing with depression roughly around 10 years and im a 25 year old. Let me say my journey has not been glamorous. I constantly have suicidal thoughts and have self inflict harm to myself. i do not only deal with depression. I deal with Anxiety, Depression, Agoraphobia, PTSD, and im impulsive. So I sometimes act without thinking clearly. I have my own psychiatric and therapist but im not sure if they help to much and I take prescription medicine aswell not much help either. Im not quite sure why I register to this project. I guess to find […]
So I attempted suicide in 2001? I would have succeeded if a certain someone didn’t stick his nose where it didn’t belong. Here I am 13 years later and find myself feeling exhausted and tired again. Life truly is cruel and full of evil and corruption.
Somewhere online today I read to wait 3 days before acting on my feelings; why wait? Then I found myself here and don’t understand why I’m even typing this. All my letters are written, all important papers are out and on the kitchen table…… unless someone hands me the winning lottery ticket or changes whom I’ve become; my life will […]
Hey everyone. I’m 24 years old, currently in grad school. I lead a relatively comfortable life except for a few cases of domestic violence (from family and partners) and a sexual harassment experience. I work, and I volunteer, and I have a few hobbies I enjoy.
But something I’ve been feeling lately leaves me hopeless, stuck, and miserable.
I’m working at an internship I hate. I thought I’d like it but I hate being in front of a computer for eight hours a day. The thought of working hard through college and grad school to just sit at a desk for the rest of my life sounds […]
Why do I not have the energy or the excitement needed to enjoy myself during the day? What is it about me that drives people away, like I’m some sort of weirdo? I can smile, I can play the part, but it’s all fake and I know it. I’m not going to pretend I’m your best friend, but I don’t dislike your company either, you know? Yet I’m excluded even though I’m not exactly bullied. Summer is my break from that, but it also seems to be a break from my true friends too so far, for the most part. I guess they’re turned off […]
I don’t know how many times I’ve started to type. “H-E-“, No! Stop! People have their own problems and worries. Why should they stop to help me? Would I stop to help me? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard my inner voice scream with the intensity of a million suns. Many people read this post and think, “Oh, it’s just another chick asking for attention.” I honestly wish that were the case.
The darkness is getting darker, and the sun has faded away. I no longer see light, just softer grey’s. My hope has flown away with birds. I’ve cut communication. I can no […]
You never came back, you said you would but you didn’t, and I guess it’s more fool me for ever thinking that after all that’s happened you would. But they said have faith, in time you’ll see, he’ll come back. But time was of the essence, so I took it upon myself to come find you and even tho I thought I never would have I did. You were happy and I saw that which only made it worst. Cause I was miserable. Couldn’t you see what you’d done to me? You made me want you so much that noone else would do. So […]