I really can’t take much more of this what’s the point we all end up in the same place anyways one way or the other not everyone’s story is happy think iv known for a wile my story don’t end well I guess it’s only a matter of time really
I don’t know if I’ll come out of it this time. I dip pretty low, but somehow I find my way out of the mire enough to catch a breath. But this time is different. I don’t have anything to motivate me…well, except my debt. Seriously, debt is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. I guess if I decide not to kill myself, I’m afraid I’ll have ruined my life too much if I don’t pay my bills. Everything I do anymore is motivated by fear–not love or passion or even just a simple desire to do that thing. […]
Yes, this…
Plus wildly varying degrees of insomnia followed by just the opposite: days and nights where I can sleep for 12-14 hours at a time. Then more insomnia.
Clearly my brain flips a coin about this every night, (which might explain some of the migraines.)
Brain on Monday: “Oooh, tails! That means we stay awake staring at the ceiling all night!”
Brain on Tuesday: “Hey, look, heads! Now we get to sleep for 13 hours!”
Brain on Wednesday: “Wow, the coin landed on its side. I […]
I’ve been trying to find myself for a long time that I completely lost me. I don’t even know what’s my purpose here. I don’t even know if i’m worth living every single shitty day. I’ve been so tired of life, I have given up to my own self. I guess life wasn’t really meant for me. And now i feel so sorry for everyone who would like to trade my life with theirs bc not everyone were safe from death. I am really trying my best to live, even if my mind stops thinking, even if my heart almost stops beating, even if…i had […]
It’s 4.15 am. Had horrible nightmares and awake since then. It’s been hours and it’s been years. I can’t sleep properly.
I won’t say all 365 days are like this. I guess, I have okayiesh days also, I won’t say good or wonderful because 2015 was the wrost year of my life.
I was a failure in 2015 at many tasks, two of them were, giving lot of happiness to my soul mate and ending this miseryful life. But I guess these two tasks can’t be completed at once. I failed lots of times at killing myself. In 2015 I was too close to finish the task […]
This will be my 3rd post since discovering this website yesterday… I feel so alone and hopeless In life and I do want to face the pain anymore. After losing the only love of my life to someone else is Undescribable. I have been researching different methods on how to end my life peacefully. Yesterday I research the helium hood for around 12 hours. I have now opted for the ******** method… How long it will take for me to execute I have no idea until I summon the courage to do it I guess.. This is the only option I have as obtaining a […]
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
Hey guys,
Even though this comes late, I hope all of you enjoyed a great and nice Christmas feast.
And more importantly, I wish everyone here an awesome new year in 2016.
Well, another year passes by again. For me and I guess for most you too, sadly just another year of grief, loneliness and failure. So, let’s hope it’ll be better in 2016 than in this year.
May all of you be on the bright side of life then, with the warm and comforting sunlight on the path your walking.
May all of you be safe and sound and have nothing left to fear.
So, um, how do I start this? I’m clinically depressed and have been suicidal for a while too. I guess I just want to have someone to talk to. My story doesn’t really matter. We’re all fucked up here and that’s the reason to why we’re here.
Anyways, if anyone wants to talk about, well anything, let me know. Whoever decides to contact me should know that I don’t want ‘help’.
I guess most of us here are alive but feel dead. Some of us are waiting for our physical bodies to catch up with out mental state whilst others are trying to fix themselves. We’re all broken. Some just […]
So I haven’t been on in a while because of school testing. But I’m glad that is over now and I think I did horrible on my physics but pretty good in my Psychology and English courses. So a lot of stress had lifted off my shoulders but now that I’m on holiday break I have to be around my family for about two weeks. I do not look forward to… I haven’t really been talking to people much either the past week and I’m okay with that. Makes me less tense I think and I haven’t cried in a few days either so I […]
You hope I’m okay? Yeah, I hope you are too. I’m not sure of much these days I’ll say that is for sure. You know? I guess sitting here in front of the river it’s like you’re way over there, on the other side. I see you, you see me and we both see this chasm between us. I definitely feel it. It feels like a closed chapter if I had to articulate it. I woke up from a nightmare that lasted for months. I woke up to my normal nightmare, that is. But you have no idea how waking up to you across this […]
Hey guys, there is a person called “monster” here in this forum and she asked me to contact her. So how do I pm a member again ?
If you read this I am here I guess
Thanks for your replies.
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Why?
Why does no one care?
Why does no one see that I’m hurting?
Why does no one understand that to me, presence is more important than presents?
Why am I still alive if I don’t want to be?
Why does life feel like a stream pulling me down? Why do I feel like it would be a lot easier to give up than to keep fighting?
Why can I not be happy?
I guess it doesn’t matter. Because, if they don’t understand my silence, the won’t understand my words.
He talks to me like im stupid and a bad mother. Im terrified of him as well…. im so far from home ive got no way to get back there away from him… im trapped here forever I guess…
I just read this article… I guess the jist of it is, this guy, once successful, racially profiled and thrown in jail, didn’t do it, got the crime he didn’t do wiped off his record, gets job offers because he has the experience, but doesn’t get the jobs because he’s homeless. Yeah, once you’re on the bottom rung of society, you can never get out. http://buff.ly/1YWIKZZ
so last night I guess someone smashed in my car windows and stole my wallet. What joy. Just another thing to add to my list of reasons I hate life.
I’m going to nap. I don’t wanna be here.
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I know it isn’t healthy but I self medicate with alcohol to deal with my depression. Everybody thinks it’s a good thing that I drink a lot “Oh there he goes again at the bar! What a cool guy” or “Wish I could drink all the time like he does”. Going to the bar is comforting. I really like to see all the different people hanging out enjoying themselves. I almost always go alone, so the staff there kinda started to talk to me and I’m pretty good friends with them now I guess. But they aren’t really friends per se, just loose acquaintances I […]
I need to write a letter to myself, so I can read whenever I start shaking, sobbing and attacking myself.
I was doing fine. This just makes me feel worst. Oh, dear brain how I wish you were calmer.
All of those rage moments make me bleed, break stuff, beat the shit of my face, and sleep doesn’t solve anything.
I need rest.
And I am sorry for my behaviour.
I am so sorry.
I always get blind from my rage.
I need to grown up.
Feeling twice as guilty, I’ve told my boyfriend I’ve scratched and cut myself, and he told me that he made a […]