ive always felt ugly. i am fat and ugly. i recently lost a lot of weight. i went from weighing 180lbs to weighing 145lbs but now i weigh 160lbs and i am just so ugly and weak. food is my weakness. i love food but i hate it at the same time. this happens all the time. i lose the weight but then i gain a lot of weight, i dont know why. i hate the way i look. it depresses me, it really really depresses me. i cry about it all the time. my body is a big issue of mine. i just cant […]
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so my father told he should never been with my mum and she’s ugly and she was a mistake in his life
idk why he told me that !! and he told me that he hate us and should’ve gone long time ago..
idk how i was counting on him a lot of things even my college and stuff ..
and now i’ve left with nothing.. and i finally knew he doesn’t even care and want me to be failure and sad
I can’t even take a breath without feeling this pain in my heart ..
this life is too long i can’t keep living with […]
okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]
I wanted to talk about something im having a problem with…friendship. I have one friend i’ve known her for most of my life she’s really great. We got into a fight over a rumor passed around school that I was messing around with her boyfriend. She beileved the rumors and said alot of hurtful things like, go cut yourself and no one loves you. She knows i harm myself its a sore spot for me and i instantly started crying. This happened during school so it drawed in a crowd and i felt like my whole world was crumbling around me. As if ive […]
So here I am at 19, on a page for releasing thoughts of suicide or just flat out depression. Manic, major, whatever it is that gets to you.
I have had an awesome life so far, I’ve done so many things, and I have seen so many things. But these past few weeks I’ve just gotten hit hard with depression. The past couple days I have contemplated suicide. So tonight I tried it, I tried hard, but i can’t bring myself to do it. I had a belt pulled around my neck as hard as I could possibly have it, and I’m glad I couldn’t, because […]
You know, i have history of anxiety and depression. The first attack of depression came when i was in my under grad school. It was all boys. Some of the boys were kind to me but majority of them were bullies. I had a huge body structure so not much people tried to pick fight with me but some of them did and when they found out that instead of fighting them back, I instead tried to run away; they found a sport in bullying me.
One day, i was going back home on foot, i saw a tree which was naturally cut towards inside from […]
We all have our business with life, the job, the family, entertainment. When my friend approached me, I was also engaged in one of the toughest time of my life; My family was undergoing a hard time about which i could not do anything but pray; I just started my first job. My friend needed help and I complied, sacrificed as much as I could; I would leave my job early so that I can reach college at time to make my friend learn something so that my friend would not fail and when married, I wanted to see the degree in my friend’s hand. […]
im living on borrowed time here because i cant find the courage inside of me to commit suicide, and its tearing me apart. i want everyone to forget that i exist. i wish i could live in the shadows so that if i died, no one would notice and i wouldnt hurt anyone. i havent attempted anything but im scared that ill fail and ill have to live with everyone knowing my secret. my depression is my secret and ive been living with it for three years. it started when i was fourteen and i felt the depression grow with me. as i got older […]
today was supposed to be my death day i was jittery and scared but i knew that something would happen to push me to where i needed to be to go through with it… and i was right! something happens every day that reminds me why i want to die. So i got my gun from bass pro shop and then i figure out they don’t have the ammo for the gun so i drive to a dicks and they don’t have it either so i go to another dicks and i finally find the right caliper bullets and i get home and i start […]
Im a couple months away from being 30 and i have felt like dying every single day since I was 12 years old. I remember the exact day i realized i didnt want to live. I have friends, i date, i have things im passionate about, a good job. Nothing traumatic happened to me in my youth. I just dont have whatever biological imperative that makes people want to live. My closest friends and mother know about it. My mom is the reason i havent, ive begged her to let me go. I dont want to transfer my pain to her, i want her to […]
Im a sophomore in college. Please excuse the lack of correct punctuation and grammar because I really dont care.
First my parents are having problems. My dad was an alcoholic when i was younger now he quit drinking but is verbally abusive to my mother which may cause them to divorce.
Its hard to focus in classes because im depressed so my grades are reflecting this.
I had a friend that dumped me over me finally putting boundaries down so she couldnt use me anymore, this same girl sees the same therapist i see. She dumped me as a friend when i wouldn’t upgrade her computer to windows […]
…you are in love with a girl and you know that you will never be able to do anything with her because you are the ugly, short idiot that nobody cares about? I am so depressed and desperate all the time because of that and because i know that i will be alone forever. I feel terrible so much that i lock myself in my room and i hate everyone. I don’t want to speak to anyone… i was starting to get used to the fact that i am unattractive and that i will never find the special one but now… now i feel so […]
I have a total failure life…
I dont get along well with anyone…
I was so different from all my family members since i was born…
I feel that no one understands how i feel…
I also have a failure marriage
A failure relationship life…
I lost all my dreams and goals…
I dont know how i can get myself happy and smile again…
I feel like every moment i m living in this world is a suffer…i can hardly breath…
I wish i have no exist in this world at all…
I m just a total failure…thats all…
im not even supposed to be alive right now. i had planned to kill myself almost two weeks ago now and i dont know why i cant pile up the courage to just do it. everyday i wake up and dying is the only thing i can think about but when it comes to it, its like my body wont let me. and then i wake up the next morning feeling even shittier than the last and i really just cant take this anymore. it feels like the universe wont even let me to but my heart is in physical pain. i was going to […]
it’s kind of strange how and when you realize there’s something wrong with you. i haven’t really thought there’s anything wrong with thinking about death – i’ve been thinking about it for, what, the last three years now? it was almost like an unconscious epiphany that hadn’t hit me until, a few months ago, i stopped and just thought about it: what classifies as depression? what classifies as suicidal?
and for the longest time, i did not only believe, but i was convinced that i’m completely alright.
sometimes, i’d be trying to sleep at night, and i would think of how it would feel to hang myself. […]
These past few months have been hell, i moved out from my dads place after having my baby to live with my mom hoping things would be better with her and they were for a year. Until she and i got into a fight, over my boyfriend. She was right, i was a prick but things were never the same after that, we fought a lot. Up until the point where she started demanding rent, got a job but i wasnt able to.keep it because of my anxiety amd depression. My mistake. Fast foward, she called the police on me after my sister (18), and […]
yup title says it all. swallowed 20 aprin i didnt even fucking cry i was shaking though after about 10 minutes i felt fine and went to school. when i got there i was already feeling sick so i laid my head on my friends lap. it hurt to move and talk i had no strength. i told him what i did but he didnt get the hint to go get the nurse.so me myself had to walk around school from my class i was in to the office to my locker back to the class to the office. didnt throw up untill […]
Just wish that people would give me space
Just wish my parents would leave me alone
Just wish I could grow up and leave
Just wish that i was smarter, prettier, more athletic
Just wish that everything would end
Just wish that I wasn’t born
Just wish that I didn’t feel this way
Why do I post my story?
I can and i have time.
To see how people react so works like a mirror reflecting my life.
Simplily a statistic data for researchers on human studies.
So whats the story?
For saving time and to be short. Im aged 27, living in a far east city, and had four of suicide attempts.
I was born in Hong kong 1988. In a normal family of Chinese. My dad has been a U.K. Police Force from his age of 18 till retired. Thats like a life time job for him.
At age of 3 i started to write and read Chinese. at age of 4 started […]
When i’m gone, don’t cry, don’t grieve, don’t write paragraphs about how much you loved me. Because, when i was in my darkest hours, you weren’t the that stayed up all night to make sure i was alright. Don’t say i was such a nice girl and wonder how people could be so cruel. Because in some ways, you were the reason i might have taken my life that night.