The weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.. im not okay and its not alright.. the lonlyniss is haunting me.
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im
everytime i close my eyes, it´s like i dont know.. im drowning in my own thoughts… it´s like im a prisoner in my own mind.. does anyone feel the same here?
so a lot of things have been changing lately for one im kinda homeless you know sleeping on a friends couch but im happy here nd they love me being here its lik when I was younger nd I used to stay with them ime really happy im here for now instead of with my sister which I will eventually be with her cuz that’s where the courts said I had to live but ill figure something out so I can stay happy annyywayy im engaged and I really love this guy im with his names cole nd hes amazing nd he loves me and […]
Im depressed. I told my mom that, and she made me start therapy. but i hate to say this, but its to late. She has no clue i cut, or have suicidal thoughts. I havent cut in about a month. And today is Christmas, so i should be happy right? Wrong. My new sister got more than i did, and im starting to just feel very down again. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if i was just dead. Im always in the way, and i can never be happy. I have no friends. All of them turned on me and i cant […]
we’ll dance through the night with the moon light shining down on us
but in a few months ill text you while im drunk i won’t get a reply
we’ll talk for hours on end in the middle of the night both of us tired as fuck
but in a few months ill try to start a conversation with you and you’ll ignore me
we’ll hug each other when we see each other and talk for a few months
but in a few months when i see you you’ll ignore me like im nothing
we’ll talk about deep things and question life and have a great time
but […]
Last night i was so angry with myself that i broke my glasses with my bare hands. I’ve started cutting again after 2 months of being clean. Of course my girlfriend had to see my wrists and she said i broke a promise to her and she did not want to ever speak to me again… she claims i broke her trust by cutting. She doesn’t seem to understand that cutting isn’t something i can just turn on and off again, and that i don’t cut for attention or to make her mad… she hates that i smoke weed (????) and she hates […]
I want to kill myself and once I’m in the act of doing so, I freeze and I cant? Why can’t I be one of the people that get hit and runned and shot by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why can’t I own a gun and place the cold metal barrel to the side of my head and with a slight movement…end it all; for once and for all. Do I pity my mom and feel sorry that all her children bring her disappointed and frustration is that it and ending myself make it hit rock bottom? Im tired and […]
im tempted to take these tablets maybe theyll help the hurt go. maybe if i buy more, space them out over a couple of days make it look like an accident like i didn’t mean to do it. idk.
Why? Why me? Thats something ive been asking myself for a long time. Now i know im nothing special, theres probably millions of other depressed trans kids wanting to kill themselves. I just personally cant stand this. The waking up every morning and seeing that disgusting wrong body. I am nothing but a pathetic girl who wants to be a boy who cant even wear a feminine shirt without being physically uncomfortable, a fraud who portrays themselves as someone who is fine, who doesnt cry. But i cry almost every fucking night. Im crying right now. Crying over the disgusting body i can only change […]
33 yrs old, lost my baby, parent disowned me just becuz i decided to move out at 31, 3 failed engagements, and just when i thought i found the one that i could trust. i let him in and told him my story, he pushed me to therapy, but yet he said it didnt work, i gave up on it after 4 sessions. and now he just left me. he cant stand me being suicidal. hes so scared he rather not be around me. i should have stayed quite. im alone again
im sitting here and have a blank mind i feel numb spaced out like if my life moves on and im part of nothing around me disconnected completely from the world yet im sitting here at work
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
I need help fml fml oh my god I can’t take life anymore. The girls at school won’t leave me alone, the guys hate me. I try to be nice but always wind up being the mean one because they hurt me. Freshman year sucks I only get 3 hours of sleep a day and every night I chug down 6-7 sleeping pills hoping I’ll die but sAdly wake up the next day. everyone thinks im a whore though I’ve nevr done anything sexual in my life. Im basically my little sister second mom. no purpose here. If I left nobody would really care. Maybe […]
I feel there no purpose to life. I wake up everyday to live n repeat the same things over and over. No matter how hard i try i am a failure in everyone eyes so why should i live? Everyday for past 2 years i think of different way to end my life i never do it but I finally think its time it doesnt seem stupid anymore it seem like the best choice. No one has to deal with me anymore. I dont have to keep fucking up other peoples lifes. I see no future i hate myself everyone hates me. I ask myself […]
i write this to you as the only means of getting in touch with you. i would like you to know that i saw your posts, and that your words, caring and concern for a depressed, lonley, old man, touched me deeply. yes, it was my plan, and i was determined to carry it out. as is usually the case, the universe stepped in with a bunch of annoying distractions that prevented the follow through. i did end up in the cold for about two hours. i went to our towns christmas parade with my ex-wife. it was difficult because of my social anxiety,but pushed […]
Why cant i go a day without thinking of killing myself? Its like a constant struggle to continue to live in this world. Everything is just so meaningless to me now. Is there even a real point to continue living and moving forward or are we just fooling oursleves when we say “it will get better”.
When i use to try and ask for help to stop these thoughts people only made it worse by telling me there is something wrong with me and i should go to a therapist but all they would do is put me on pills. I dont wanna go on […]
I can never do anything right in this world. Everything i touch i destroy. Everything i do isnt good enough for anybody. Why cant they see im trying my best to succeed in this world. Mom and brothers think i wont go to college and become someone. I just cant anymore im so stressed and fustrated with myself that i cant do anything right to make anybody proud of me…. im such a screw up sometimes i wish i wasnt born……
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
Over a year ago i lost you…
I loved you more than anything and you left me. You killed yourself and you wrote on this site before you did it so now i am.
I cant take being without you anymore. Ive missed you for so long. I thought maybe with time itd get better but its been so long. I just want to be with you. I am so lonely without you. Your family still blames me. It makes me feel so horrible inside. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe i did something. Even though you said it wasnt anyones fault it was a pproblem with […]
its probably really fucking nasty of me, but i cant handle it, fuck it, my friend, one of my best actually, refuses to get help, and i understand that its scary but he cant use me as that person i cant help him anymore, its making me more suicidal than i would be if he just got help. he needs it but instead lays all that weight, that pressure on me when i know i cant help him like he needs.
i cant help him when or how he needs it and it makes me feel worse, i just want to end it so i dont […]