Why is every comment i post is under moderation. Im not sure why? I commented to some really sad people a few times with my email. I kept using the same song on a lot of my posts. Outside of these 2 things I’m not sure what I did.
I’m tired of depression. It is all i know. I have no connection to anything. I want to die. Im tired of wanting to die but constantly living. Im tired of my brain. I’m tired of my loneliness. Im tired of inexplicably having everything i do here moderated. Im tired of having no identity or ability identify with anyone. I’m tired of being ugly. I’m tired of being fat. Im tired of whining. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of breathing. Im tired of annoying you all.
Theres a young couple with is the is my husband first cousin and my third . my husband related from our cousin mother Im from his father . the girl he married to is threating to go home cuss shes here and sooo unhappy .the boy by nature is an ass he just cursed her mother while her mom was on the phone.
She is the only one that asked when I left my husband if i was ok and my side of the story and understood .
There fighting and told her ro stop talking to her mom they were staying with me before all this […]
I feel like shit. I went out on a date with a man 13 years older than me and all he wanted to do was touch me and kiss me. I didnt let him, as a matter of fact I walked away from him and went home. He treated me like an object. Anyway, I come home and my sister tells me “please dont get upset but our sister in law was flirting with your ex fiance”. I didnt say much i just brushed it off. but my ex fiance was my first love, and i have always loved him till this day and its […]
List of things im bad at
Talking about my problems
Eating
Being a good daughter
Being a good sister
Being a good girlfriend
Being social
Living
Standing up for myself
Its not just me who thinks these things. Who knows for a fact that I was just a fuck up from the day I was born. My parents, my dear good at heart parents pawned me off on someone else. My siblings who I know loves me, I hurt. I affect them with my depression that seems to be the vain of my existence. I really suck at being a good girlfriend. I mean Im to insecure and fucked up to be a good […]
Tired. Depressed. And planning. Im done. Even my body feels like a thousand pounds. Feels like i cant even lift my arms. WTH Why does this world even exist? What is the point? Maybe this is hell and being here is my punishment for something. I just want to sleep now Goodnight
So I havent really been around here as much as perhaps I should be. For those who dont know me im an old timer upon this sight, put im my time at the bottom of every bottle and put my time in at the worst spirals of depression. but through the help i got here I got out of the worst of it and now im here to help out. unfortunately right now stuff in my life limit the time i can spend here and alot of people needing help may go unanswered, as ive seen by a recent post. while i cant be an […]
Told my family im on the west coast. they did what I thought they would freak out threatened me again threaten to break my marriage again .
Im tired If im being played for a fool let me be played mom and dad . I am a worthless fool . let me die in life mentally emotionally, physically. Im tired of fighting my father siad hell see me in two weeks . I might end it then he gave me my time slot the 9th still stands I guess.
Not everyone understands what its like to not matter. To have never fitted in. Even amongst the mentally ill. To be ugly. Not to feel ugly but to actually be so repulsive that the best you can hope for is for another arrogant thot who doesn’t care about you at all except to pity to boost their own ego all to try to convince you that someone else will as a consellation. Otherwise you have rejection because of your ugliness and anxiety. Not everyone gets what its like to to be in complete mental misery for 3 decades going back to childhood so you have […]
i swear no sleep in the world could cure this tiredness apart from that ever lasting sleep everyone hopes for here
im tired of fighting im physically and mentally drained I ain’t got much fight left in me I don’t even have enough strength to try again right now so I have to stay suffering and get destroyed by my demons (my thoughts )
its funny how you can be your own worst enemy it’s a battle to fight myself everyday how can u win the war against your self with out killing yourself it’s tough
Im san fran but im still so sad so nervous so not ok I still feel lost .
a girl that has been staying with my in -laws says she has made no money in tahoe and she is in depression from the town and is fearfull her marriage will end becuse she is so unhappy .
she said she understood Why I went home and why I left and why Never wanted to go. Wich made me feel better she made me feel less crazy. But I felt horrbile she was going the my hell she took my backlash. I was so sorry, Im scared now […]
Im so tired of all of this. Im blessed that i have a roof over my head. Im just tired of struggling in every capacity of my life. I dont have a method or else id be dead. I’m doing my best but genuinely what i really want is deaths sweet embrace. The permanent insignificance that ive lived my entire life is so all encompassing. Even here i feel alone. I feel alone everywhere. I dont belong. I felt belonging for such a short time so long ago i dont even know if it happened…. I’d give anything for a time machine or a […]
Living life in the fast watching myself from a distance
can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and my fantasy
Drifting floating sinking drowning
I don’t understand but it’s hard to breathe were im standing
a few cuts can turn a dark world colourful pain release trying to kill the thing inside
I don’t knew the difference between myself and my demons
disconnected from life plug me in like the matrix
red or blue pill il have em both swollow hoping Il choke
Man in the mirror who am I I’m watching my self from a distance have we ever been connected two different people in one body
I should be redesigning my website so i can get an entry level job in the field. I should be redesignimg and adding to the couple of clients’ site I’ve had. Im procrastinating out of fear. Well that and food anxiety im juice fasting today save for the banana i had while writing this post. I dont want to screw it up. Stupid i know logically something is better than nothing. I have a voice that tells me I can’t do it. Sometimes i can ignore that voice other times i can’t. There’s another voice telling me that I should kill myself. Honestly the only […]
I fucking hate myself im so shit at almost everything i try even when i really try i still fail. I never apply myself, im lazy, i lack enthusiasm and drive, i think too much, i dont get the simpler stuff, im fucked in the head in some way or another or multiple i just know it.
Dont bother commenting or do but im going to bed so laters peeps.
Keep me company
just told my huband I want to die he ask why twll me so i can help . i told im worthless he said why you worthless I said because Im am . lol he thinks he can stop it im pray for fod to kill me I want to die .
My patato salad at its best lol
Im done I cant take it no more or just might slit my wrist tonight i will die i cant live in this life no more i cant i wanna die so im going to take my life and if go to hell im a theif and horrible person I take advantage of the stupid and bleed them dryvim go there anyway so I just go quicker
I’m actually happy and in a good mood from listening to a long bunch of good music and talking to good peeps and yet I cant stop thinking about death hmm maybe im just obsessed now…
I’m jobless again. Idk how to feel about that. I have a shit ton of projects that can make me more profitable than another job or the scam that modern school can be. Take out thousands in student loans so you to can maybe make 45000 a year and be a higher class of broke than you are. I’ll pass. Im going to look for jobs mind you. Im just going to focus on the things i want to do as well. I’m actually more obsessed with my weight. I’ve been obese my entire life and i “only” have another 40 to 50 lbs left […]