well lastnight whent… well when i landed it knocked all the wind out of me i gave one hell of a yelp should of kept my trap shut chould of bled out cos of my arm insted mum came out and you can just imagin how much she freeked out i feel so sorry for her thay wiped all the blood of my arm and bandaged it up couldent beare the imbarisment of a suicidel son how whould that efect them and there reputashion “oh my” takes the piss im not upset i didunt die any more im up set cos my mum and dad […]
Tag:
im
Tonight is the night. Im going to be in heaven. People have really showed me they dont care. So here it is no more bull shit. Im done with everyone. My boyfriend doesn’t act as id he cares no more. So here is to him. I loved yiu more than anything and you didn’t realize it. I didn’t want to break up and I no we didn’t but even if you didn’t care you could have acted like it. I no im not much.and every girl has trust issue. Especially when you give them a reason. I have them but I’ve tried my best to […]
i did it… i cut so much i cant see the top of my right arm… yay? do i get a achevment now will it pop up on my screen “you fucked your arm up and your high on blood loss g fucking g”im at the point now were im floting im going to flote down the stears vire the windo now see you guys in a and e or the morg prefably the later though its only a seciond story but its worth a shot
life is an abstract concept to me…
its like a dance that you cant really understand the concept of the movment seems destorted its like when you first read a script back or a story that you’ve just wrote you know it will make sense when youve ironed out the funny littel bits that arnt sapost to be there but its not like that i cant get rid of the littel bits im reading my life and non of it makes any senes it looks like a blood splat on a wall its got no struchure to it its just a mess some one said to me once in basic befor […]
one day ill slip away no one will know were i am
one day ill fly away till my wings melt in the sun
one day ill bleed out in a shower no one will find me.
one day one more fucking day on this earth ill go insaine
im going to screem at the stars till thay fall on my head
ill sware at the sun till it berns me red
ill get in evrye fight till im beten to a pulp
ill cry evrey nigh till i can cry no more
ill cut my arms till you cant see the skin
ill slice my chest with a razor so thin
ill dice my legs up […]
that is tired of getting that same shit in the face by people who just got what do i know have a boyfrend who broke up with them and then they start saying their life sucks and no one knows pain evry day i fucking go with a preesure in my eyes like i am going to cry i have lost so must family got bulied beaten and forced to do stuff i dont want i now i just dont know. im in hell cant get out of hell but i can lay down and give people an step more to get out.
the pasts haunts me, even more than my future haunts me. it hurts to remember how happy hopeful, and loved i felt. before i felt different and faced my depression. the bipolar. my failures my health problems. the judgement of others. it hurts, to know my future. i dont know. im trying to live. but if i cant do this last job, im so outta here. i would be better as a memory than what ive become. i am so upset i dont have an appetite. i wont put a new post here or awhile, unless i get fired from this job. then its one […]
down long rodes we ride
no light insite no end near
scars on my arm like wrighting read only by me
i know evry line ever virse
i know the name of ech of the people who put them there
im a cobweb the strans are cut in to my flesh
i cach no flys just pane and greef
my head is a monster ready to rip my heart out
it sends me screeming in to the nigh
“that girls not really there”
the girl at the end of my bed isunt there
the blood on the floor isunt there
im a child […]
today i smoked the last of my weed in a awsom pipe i found kicking around the house today i met a new guy whos odvs a shrink but hes a yank and “hip and cool as was in us airborn” hes ok to nice though… today…. today i cryed cos im in tret of loseing the girl i lov theres biger problems in the world than my love life tthat i haft to worry about like my frends who is crying cos she was raped on the 5 haveing been were shes at i know how shes feeling it neverchanges all the people cry the […]
I find that throughout my day as Im cringing while thinking of my life and mistakes, I have these uncontrollable outbursts of saying fucked up shit. Like I will randomly just say to myself “kill yourself”, “you should die”, “Im already dead”, ” fucking kill me”. Then I freak out and go ” why did you say that”, or ” dont think that way”. Its really annoying and its like im suicidal automatically, whether im happy or not. I just want to be the real me again. It literally feels like I dont know who Im looking at when I see my own reflection.
so after a rough time with a bunch of nasty guys I decided to just live on my own, not let anyone in. I met a few guys and turned them down, too many awkward silences and dumb conversations. but one night I went on a date with a guy and for once he was a gentleman, he booked a table and he wore jeans that didnt show his bum, we laughed and i nearly cried laughing and there were no moments of scilence and he is clever, so clever and we talked about politics and current affairs and horses( we both have horses)but then after i […]
ok i would first like to say that this site blew me away and i was so impressed that so many people were able to come together and relate through some of the hardest things in their life.
so, whats going on in my life…let me start from the beginning and by saying THANK YOU to anyone who actually reads this whole thing haha. in all seriousness– my father is an alcoholic and is bipolar, i honestly hate labels because i feel like theyre a false representation of a person. yes he is an alcoholic, but when hes sober, hes great. when i was 9 yrs […]
I found this site by looking up “kill your self or deal with your ugly body” I have been so sad and lonely for 5 months now like really bad it wasn’t so bad before that I know I have depression. I see a tharapist… but I dont want to tell her about my feelings in fear of going to a hospital…. I have a husband. He has done some hurtful things to make me not trust him. N thats where my insecurity sky rocketed! All thos girls r skiny and pretty n im none of those things. He tells me I dont have to […]
Welp lets see its all in the name ive started to do…… coke now not weed n pills or k2 anymore I moved up to coke and u no I think its cause I just stopped caring I was doing so good then my friends crashed into my family in the back nothing happened then my gpa got mad told me its always my fault for stuff like this and then my friends made me really happy then my gpa again fucks it up tells me im stupid and crazy well maybe I am I just ugh I give up drugs music thats what helps […]
Ok let be real
our life is suppose to suck
If you think no one wantes you
your wrong
your parents love u
if they dont so
they’re just people
im 100% someone likes you
even if its 1 person
Listen if you lived in peace
Then your life is going to be boring
find something you like
i like singing and playing piano
that help me
you have to find something that makes you happy
watch apple dance that should help if your sad
i seen it work
1 girl was going to take her life and she watch that
and she started laughing
i hope you dont take your life
i hope
…..i hope
-brian
I have brilliant friends who are basically family but i cannot tell them what i am feeling and what i do to myself, they wouldnt reject me or anything im sure they would understand but i do not want them to act differently or take pity on me. im the person they speak to about their problems not the other way around.
i think i have sleep apnea. im excited, cause if i do, i might be able to get my life back! even though im frustrated that i took medicine that i didnt need,and they damaged my body, but that might be reversible. i hope this works. i need it too. its either this or suicide….
I don’t like to complain and when I do I feel horribly guilty. I have had Depression/Anxiety since I was a child. Growing up I was sexually abused twice and grew up in a unstable home. I have a learning disability and life is difficult most times. This year I finally got help ( after a breakdown) and am on lexapro. Most days the medicine works but some days I’m sad and my anxiety is still bad. I feel like a burden to my family and to society. I’m going to college in two weeks, im scared and excited but what if i fail? let […]
i have been on pils for over a year but i only feel more energy the pils were for taking care of my depresion but now i dont know i have a hatetrid so big but will to hold it down but i dont know were to put over 12 years of hate suffer pain so now i walk arond my doctor say im fine now but i feel emty not a box with a big hole more but just emty and burning i try to hold it away by hanging out with frends but it cant help for ever i feel like im in […]
ive become my father (just a rant, not anything serious, feel free to skip) ;)
by paingoaway
written by paingoaway
Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a […]