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in the

I don’t have it nearly as bad as you guys, yet….

by I am out 2/24/2016

written by I am out

…right now I might feel as bad. I’ve been suicidal before, but for some reason I am not right now. Even though I’m not suicidal, I feel just about as bad as I did in the past when I did. Guess this means I’m getting stronger? Hope so. In any case, the feeling still feels bad in any context.

Anyways, what’s a suicide project post without a little sob story? We all got them, but I’ll spare you the details since it’s pretty cut and paste. I met a girl 3 weeks ago that literally met every quality I look for in a girl that also […]

2/24/2016 4 comments

If I die, does my doppleganger die too?

by Cordless 2/24/2016

written by Cordless

only-me-single
.
Stuck at home today while the winter storm rages outside.
I’m passing the time watching old episodes of Star Trek.

I found this picture, which is alarmingly accurate.

So far I’m doing a lousy job of “Live Long And Prosper”, but a great job of “Suicidal And Poverty-Stricken”.
I must live in that alternate universe where everything is the opposite.

My doppleganger in the other universe must obviously be rich, healthy, and excited about the future.
Plus she gets laid CONSTANTLY.

2/24/2016 54 comments

Fight ?

by Drowning 2/24/2016

written by Drowning

Maybe I want to give up fighting because things are broken that can’t be fixed hope can drive a man insane suicide seems sweet wile life is rough a razor across the flesh can relieve so much pressure watching the blood drip into the sink can look like art work maybe iv got used to living in the darkness and dying is more entertaining then living maybe dying early is my destiny

2/24/2016 4 comments

by Drowning 2/24/2016

written by Drowning

iv been depressed and in the darkness for so long living a normal life seems scary not to say I will be normal but what is normal always ? Beging depressed and suicidal its just about making it though another day without slicing you throat or swollowing a bunch of pills that’s a battle on its own now life on the other hand finding/getting a job you don’t hate paying bills so you don’t get kicked out made homeless then you feel like an out cast if you don’t have what’s in fashion phone cloths etc but u no u should compare your self to […]

2/24/2016 4 comments

40gig of shit

by inf1n1 2/23/2016

written by inf1n1

so i didnt pay the internet bill and its way overdue to go off…thing is i downloaded a 1tb worth of movies/series/games/music to keep myself sane..then the un-thinkable happened my fckin hdd went on fire i lost my phone other week also and i fuckin hate tv so ive been sat in the house with no food reading books from the library even put the noose around my neck a few times could not go through with it oh and i trapped my left hand tip of index finger in door and its hangin off ive stuck it back on and its black should go […]

2/23/2016 2 comments

Why am I trying?

by The White Rabbit 2/23/2016

written by The White Rabbit

Well after calling and waiting for a call back and calling and waiting for a call back and so on and so forth since fucking December, I tried calling the admissions office again today and still nobody picked up. Albeit I called around lunch but when else am I supposed to call? I rarely have any fucking time. Of course I tell my father about this and all he has to say is “I don’t think they want to talk to you anymore. You kinda let that ship sail.” when they haven’t TALKED to me ONCE since I got the application, and I haven’t heard […]

2/23/2016 2 comments

It’s Time, Bye Everybody

by FearOfGod 2/23/2016

written by FearOfGod

Everything is prepared, in about 20-30 minutes I will go into my bathroom, sit in the tub, zone out to some good music, and fall asleep. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I wish I could say proper goodbyes to a few people before I go but that would tip them off to what I am about to do.

I wish things could have worked out differently for me but I guess an average life was too much to ask for. Oh well.

2/23/2016 14 comments

An easy life.

by Good Adjective 2/23/2016

written by Good Adjective

Often when i’m stressed, like when there are important exams coming up in the near future (or any particularly significant event for that matter), I have a series of thoughts that run through my head. It’s a mantra that half keeps me sane and half makes me insane.

“You could join the army instead. You could commit a crime instead. You could kill yourself instead.”

Each of these prospects require a varied level of commitment, but over time they become less of a threat and more of an ideology.

Although all three of these options keep bouncing around my head, right now i’m contemplating committing a crime. I […]

2/23/2016 0 comment

We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.

by Luke2015 2/23/2016

written by Luke2015

2/23/2016 2 comments

Life Below Equal …

by Bob40 2/22/2016

written by Bob40

They say mental trauma is an invisible wound. I would have to disagree , I can see it in the mirror everyday and I’m sure that those that used to know me before can see it in my social life.

2/22/2016 7 comments

Inspiration

by Cordless 2/22/2016

written by Cordless

You guys keep posting neat music stuff you’ve done….
It’s made me want to compose something too.

I ordered some composition software for the laptop so I can write stuff during the days/nights when I’m stuck in bed and can hardly move. It will be good therapy for me, because it will remind me that even though my body is falling apart, my mind still (sort of) works.

I ordered the same software I’ve used previously for composing symphony stuff, but for some reason I’m in the mood to write a piano solo now.
Possibly piano plus cello.

Stay tuned.

(Ha! See what I did there? Music? Tuned?)

2/22/2016 34 comments

Dad killed himself, why can’t I?

by headupunderdarkcloud 2/22/2016

written by headupunderdarkcloud

It’s almost 8 years to the day now when I got the call, that mom needed to come over to tell me something, and seated in the worn-out dingy couch on the porch, dark outside, the words spilling from her into me, something that could not be taken back, something final, a new reality shocked into me.
I remember somehow taking it so well, the determination to be strong overcoming any flirtation with falling apart or to pieces about it. It was his decision, and that’s what he did, he is no longer in pain, there’s nothing that can be done about it and we’ll […]

2/22/2016 5 comments

One Day.

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I am sad. So sad. I am so sad to the point where the prettiest things feels the ugliest. Where the most vivid images in life seems the most dark. Where the joy feels like sadness, and the excitement feels like fear. I am sad. Sad to the point where when happiness is present, it is enveloped entirely by a deep sadness.

—-

As mentioned yesterday on a post, I got the opportunity to attend a concert with performers, dancers, and motivational speakers today.

When everyone else enjoyed themselves during the break, I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself.

When everyone found happiness and joy throughout the […]

2/22/2016 2 comments

The hardest part is waking up in the morning and remembering what you had been trying so hard to forget last night

by Luke2015 2/22/2016

written by Luke2015

2/22/2016 1 comment

Far Away.

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

Everything to me, feels out of reach, out of place, too far gone, simply, far away.

I have to be happy; I know I have to be happy. I SHOULD be happy.

But I can’t. And I’m not.

I may be complaining about something minor, something great, so whats the problem?

I get the opportunity to go to a concert tomorrow, a first experience for me. But I’m crying tonight. Anxiety kicks me in the face and leaves my crying and broken. I’m scared. I’m afraid. I am NOT happy.

I am sad, to add on to it. A deep, unending sadness that makes me feel numb with my emotions. I’m not […]

2/22/2016 13 comments

slowly giving up…

by voiceless 2/21/2016

written by voiceless

I just can’t find any reason to live anymore. I try to be grateful for what I have because I know thousands or even millions of people have it way worse than me, but I can’t realize what I have right in front of me. I’m on the verge of failing all of my classes and I’m slowly giving up on school as well as my life. I always think about how my life will be in the future if I don’t get my shit together now, like get my grades up and whatnot. However, I also think about how I could just end it […]

2/21/2016 7 comments

Avoiding College

by JiminyCrispies 2/21/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I have college tomorrow. I can’t go. I need to figure out a way to stay off. My mum will most likely yell and still send me in. Still, I need to try. The hard part is thinking of a way to put his into words. Most of the time I point blank refuse to leave my room without an explanation until 3/4 hours later. I doubt I’ll be able to do that this time round.

The voices and Angels have been bad all day, and the shadow people have been constant. I managed to get through last night with minimal injuries, so I haven’t mentioned […]

2/21/2016 15 comments

The Death of R…

by rich51bruhh 2/21/2016

written by rich51bruhh

“Latterly during the loneliness in which he found himself as he lay facing the back of the sofa, a loneliness in the midst of a populous town and surrounded by numerous acquaintances and relations but that yet could not have been more complete—either at the bottom of the sea or under the earth—during that terrible loneliness Ivan Ilyich had lived only in memories of the past. Pictures of his past rose before him one after another. They always began with what was nearest in time and then went back to what was most remote—to his childhood—and rested there.”

-Leo Tolstoy (The Death of Ivan Ilyich)

This exactly […]

2/21/2016 1 comment

I want it to end

by sonderr 2/21/2016

written by sonderr

Ever since I was 13, I’ve had varying cycles of depression. They used to be pretty mild, nothing to make me want to do anything irrational. But my depression reached an all time high last year when I was 16, and I seriously consider suicide every day for a long time. The only reason I’m still alive is because I was too afraid of the physical pain.

The reason why my depression spiked was because I had found out that my best friend never had any trust in me at all and that she never really cared about me. I also began having confusion with my […]

2/21/2016 1 comment

“Despite our human intelligence…

by Luke2015 2/21/2016

written by Luke2015

we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We’re alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no – it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have.

2/21/2016 1 comment

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