Work has me in a hotel tonight since I’m homeless. Worst one they could have picked. Apparently there’s a Hottest Women in America convention going on because the hotel is packed with all women. Yeah I want a gun to blow my fucking brains out right this second. My ‘friend’ is coming over but I’m sure he’ll find one of these women to fuck and forget about me. I’m so fuckng sick of this shit, being too fucking ugly to ever be loved, being homeless and all alone in the world!!!!
Tag:
in the
I’ve attempted suicide 6 times in the last year. The pills are sitting next to me for tonight.
I became suicidal many years ago. I can’t remember quite when. I never acted until this year though.
I started self harming after my fourth attempt. I’m 57 days clean. The blade sits next to me as well, ready to be used.
My family hates me and I have no friends. There is no point for me living anymore. I don’t see why I hold on.
I recently stopped taking my medication. I just flush it down the toilet every morning. The medication makes me feel numb anyway.
I’m so broken I […]
I broke up with my girlfriend of three years almost two months ago now, and for her it was over a bit longer than that (I left the place we were living together at two months ago). I think I still love her but she already has a new boyfriend. I have been trying to get over her but I think it’s getting worse. I feel so empty and alone. I had a relatively good life before but now I feel like nothing can get better. I’m very insecure about myself.
I kind of know that it was my fault that she lost love for me. We […]
“To know the truth, you must risk everything.”
“Because you have been down
there, Neo. You know that road. You
know exactly where it ends. And I know
that’s not where you want to be.”
I think Neo didn’t make his choice when when he took the red pill over blue; he really made his choice when he chose to stay in the car with Trinity rather than getting down and going back home.
from the depths of despair I wander
but not all who wander are lost
yet I am both
a wandering vagabond in search of answers i’ll never seem to find outside of my rib cage
my animal pen that keeps my true rage locked inside until it’s time to feed
hidden and looked over have I been for far too long
.
.44 magnum for voice box full of ammunition that’s begging to be fired
whoever gets in the way is irrelevant; the bullets are meant to kill
cause I’m killz and I was born in darkness
birthed in hopelessness and death themselves
i have seen […]
Truth is, im a failure in life. I fuck up in school and I cant even complete something in the summer no matter how small I set my goals. Why can other people complete things and I cant? Why cant I truly be happy? I hate myself. My dad left me and I think my mom doesnt like me. Its just hard not having anyone there for you in life you know? I lost the ispiration to live and I just hate myself. Im going to be a senior and I still dont even know what im going to do when I grow up plus […]
this place seems kinda dead, but oh well. i’ve run out of good places to share my real feelings. i wonder if anyone here remembers me at all (prolly not). things are the same as they were before, except i’ve gotten more depressed and it seems like i’m also physically falling apart, although i’m only 18. my body does not work how it should, along with my mind.
last night i had what i can only describe as a panic wave or some kind of anxiety attack. it was just after 12:30 am and i had turned the lights out for bed. all day i […]
It’s strange how someone you would least expect to have suicidal thoughts, actually does. I’m one of those people, I have no reason to be thinking like this.. I’m a good guy (I hope), I’m nice, respectful, have a few good friends…
Unfortunately for me, although no one thinks I have, but I have come to a complete turn around emotionally. I feel like I am worthless, like no one cares.. I feel alone, even with my friends… It sucks, I’m someone who’ll put on a façade and act like everything’s grand, whilst on the inside I’m completely mangled, and because […]
Alright, here’s the deal. I need an address from somebody who lives in the states — preferably california so I can tell the border cops I got a destination. I’m going to tell them I’m going to spend a few months time with you at your place to kick back. All pleasure no business this time. (lie). All business AND pleasure. So! Who wants to help me make it big in the city of angels? I’m going to L.A with a dream in my heart. Driving down in my shitty Cavalier with outdated stickers and an exhaust system that’s seen better days but who gives […]
Just thought I’d make a post for those of you suffering physical pain and discomfort.
Many people are ignorant to the “scientific fact” that the left hemisphere of our brain controls motor function to the skeletal muscles on the right side of our body and vice versa. If you were to accept that movement begins with the eyes (you look in the direction you are traveling or intend to travel) then we must also consider the optic nerve and the way in which nerve impulses are sent from the brain (visual corteX) to the eye muscles.
There are in fact 2 branches of optic nerve […]
Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.
I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.
I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been […]
I propose a new constitutional amendment – “Life Choice Amendment”
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
the official name has not been solidified but my constitutional amendment proposal has. It has 5 main points.
1. Euthanasia should be an absolute right for those who are terminally ill or severely disabled (such as quadriplegics). This rule should also cover children who are dying as well. It must be there choice.
2. Euthanasia for the mentally ill should be an absolute right for people who agree to take a 30-90 day stent in a psychiatric hospital for intense therapy. If the mentally ill patient still wants to end there lives, than there wishes should be granted.
3. Euthanasia for criminals should be a choice for prisoners […]
Okay, I was seeking advice and my brother gave me this B.S :
” People react differently to pain.Its so easy to opt out of life…It takes courage to face life.one is the way of comfort the other is the way of maturity.Those that stand in the way of comfort are miserable right now.Whats the cure?Man was created to entrust himself to His creator…not to live for anything else.As soon as these posts change,man loses the courage to live.We are created to fellowship in the love of God…Grace and Peace to you through our Lord Jesus Christ who LOVED US and shade His blood for all our […]
I really hate how I can tell someone to keep going when I know that I can’t keep going myself.
I hate how I’m there for everyone but when I need someone, all I have is myself.
I hate how I cry myself to sleep at night because I have actual problems and yet, there are kids my age who’s only problem is whether or not they want to actually vacation in Paris this month or not.
I hate how people don’t care about certain things like homelessness and bankruptcy until they have to experience it first hand.
I […]
a lot of the time I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I do…is it my past?
i can just wake up and just feel like I want to die…I don’t want to get out of bed I stay in the dark no tv or anything and turn my phone off….
some days r good tho and I can laugh and smile then it’s back to this dark place….
i don’t like living like this I want to escape it and the only option seems to be suicide….
i don’t see any other way.
My life is complete shit. People love to say they give a fuck but as long as I can remember I’ve had a bad life. I’ve been abused molested bullied then I was finally a cool kid in hs but nobody knew I always was super depressed at home and I would do drugs and drink to cope but my mom never cared what I did. Then I dropped out of school….my mom never protected me from being molested she always turned the other cheek just like my sister even tho it’s her husband who did it. Then my mom said she didn’t want me […]
Its been odd, havent posted in a while since ive been caught up in feelings and thoughts. But now ive hit a wall again and its not even for the usual causes. Normally i would fluctuate between feelings of extreme highs and lows, though lately ive been cruising in the neutral zone.
Ive dropped a lot of expectations and hopes, its made me look at things or losses as unavoidable but necessary. Where it used to cause me grief now i have a sense of understanding why things happened that way. Why people reacted to me and my condition. With that i no longer dwell […]
Most people seem to value life all the way down to the stem cell and beating heart. As long as your brain stem is intact (as in the cases of Terri Shiavo and Bobby Kristina Brown) people seem to think that the “life” has value, even though they are in a persistent vegetative state. they must be keep alive at all cost our CULTrue says. Even when end of life “care” happens, also in the case of Terri Shiavo, instead of just injecting them with something you can give a dog when you put them down, they just leave them starving to death for 10 […]
Epiphany!
I was rambling on in the comments of Tristeza’s post when I finally hit bottom and realized why I’m so unhappy and want to die. The gist of what I was saying is that life is nothing more than a dream and that when we die, our minds are erased from reality permanently. All of the information that our brains are holding onto is erased when it shuts down for good. The person that you think you are (Tom, Dick, Jane etc) is little more than a function of the brain, and so when the brain dies, you die too.
As in a dream, I’ve […]
I’ve been at my real dads since June 24 and I’m leaving August 3.
My mom has been verbally and mentally abusive for all of my life. She threatens to physically abuse me all the time. She led me to believe that my dad never cared about me and that he cheated on her with my stepmom.
That wasn’t the case nor did my dad ever do that. It’s got worse recently which is why I’m up here with my dad. I would call my stepmom everyday crying. My dad found out what she recently has done ( she was making others and friends believe I’m psychotic […]