i cant understand people and i will never do . i cant hurt anyone but myself even though everyone tries to hurt me. i just dont wanna exist anymore. people telling lies all around me . others dont believe in me. im a that normal or they are just too blinded. i have gone insane, im telling them that, nobody gives a shit. I cant even write this post without thinking about diffrent topics in the same time. i just feel that nothing else, no one else matters. still looking for that one reason for me to stay alive , and still havent found it. my […]
A few years ago, I was just entering middle school. It was a strange transition for everyone, I think. I remember looking around the classrooms and seeing how different people were.
For a while, it was just me. I was very shy and quiet, seemingly closed-off. I made a few friends during that year. We weren’t best friends but we were okay. You see, I moved around a bunch so making friends was difficult and made me feel awful because I just kept thinking that I’d move and never see them again.
I used to bring lunch and eat it in the school cafeteria; it was very […]
Part of my ongoing journey includes long periods of insomnia. Since the last prolonged period, a couple of weeks ago, I am finding a bit more rest, or have been able to find a deeper sleep for a few hours at a time.
Mom died in April 2013. For those who don’t know, following all of my heart related trauma and becoming disabled, I had been her companion/caregiver for the last 2.5 years of her life. The two of us lived alone in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, as her dementia worsened.
I miss her so much. I often joke […]
Honestly, I don’t. Just the though of taking my life scares the shit out of me. I just feel like i no longer have anything left worth living for. Everything i have ever known is gone. My new life is so fucking pathetic. The same exact routine day after day. No ambition to even try and do anything different.
Any hope of a “normal” life i may have had in the past is gone. I may have what i need to survive, but is that really living? Is that reason enough to keep pushing through, to keep telling myself i can make it for one […]
It feels like ages ago that I met my boyfriend, only it’s only been a matter of weeks. That time, I was still paying for my own rent with my part time job, and going for a language class.
I was contented with my life that time, because I lived in the same city as my younger sister, who was attending university there. I was new to the city myself, so I had no friends except those I saw in class. It was hard to talk to them more than just “schoolmates” so it was bland for my tastes. I decided to get some folks to […]
Incase you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm. Its not even noon yet and I am already being bitched at by people. being blamed for every single little fucking thing. I seriously cant wait to be at school again . Living alone is much better than dealing with drama and suicidal thoughts this early in the morning. not by much but regardless its better than nothing. I already added some new scars that should calm me down and hold me over for a while emotionally till i need to do it again. I swear I am sometimes too emotional and kindhearted for my own good. Why […]
i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i […]
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]
So I have no idea how I ended up on this site, from the point of browsing to signing up to typing this. But I know that, this’ll do as a distraction even for a little while until I can actually find a way to die.
I suppose people reading this are thinking ‘well, what’s her reason for wanting to die?’ and the thing with me is, is I’m just very very shit at trying to ‘adult’ my way through life. I’m gonna start from the beginning to the point where I either feel like I’ll post this or just delete it because my life might […]
I think its time I plan my demise.
I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have told many people that I am in fact planning to apply to grad school but in actuality I can’t imagine living another year. I think I would like to take my life on the day I told people that I would be applying. It wouldn’t look like I was planning anything but a happy fruitful impossible life and helps me keep up the illusion that I am able to function on a day to day basis as a typical human.
Enough hoping for my demise to come to […]
Haven’t been on in a while, but here’s a thing from forever ago. Memories are bittersweet.
You’re my weapon of choice when I need to be defended. You’re the stronger side of me when I feel like breaking. You’re the tougher one of us when I can’t fight on. You have the sharpest tongue when my words fail to come.
You’re a source of comfort when the world is harsh. A shoulder to cry on when hope seems lost. You’re someone to hold when I feel alone. A sound voice when I’m out of control.
You’re a flower in the snow trying to survive. You keep your head […]
I really hate to burden people with my problems, but I need some serious advice on what to do.
I’ll start with the first of two things I am going to cover in this. A few weeks ago, I went to the school nurse and I got diagnosed with severe anxiety. They said that they were going to get CAMHS involved. However, I seriously think I have depression as well, as I seriously feel as though everyone would be better off without me and that I’m just a burden to everyone.
I also think about killing myself everyday, and think of various ways to do so. However, […]
I am that I am. I am the epitome of potential. I am possibility incarnate. A wildest dream made manifest. I am living breathing destiny. I am a shooting star that has crash landed in this body. I am Smaug’s hidden treasure. The arcenstone has nothing on me. A legend in the making. A diamond with no need to bluff. Nebula’s for eyes that encapsulate a universe of unlimited infinitum. A gift of sardius stone blessed with third eye sight to peer into the great beyond. Angel wings to lift me above my woes and worries. I am the result of an infallible thought. Created […]
Ya all must be sick of me. I have no one in my life to talk to. No one. I’ve since lost the one friend I did talk to because she ultimately didn’t approve of the guy I fell for being so much as alive and breathing. Yeah that pissed me off, of course. But I’m alone. And stuck with being homeless. I’d have to quit my job just to have the time to look for a place, but then I couldn’t pay for it. It’s just never going to happen. I can’t make any sense of this life, working so hard just to be […]
Once there was a girl, a happy girl, full of life and love. She would look on ahead at the future she would experience with joy and excitement. Nothing could touch her.
She went on, loving each day more than the last. Until a darkness touched her. She no longer looked in the mirror to see that smiling young girl looking back at her. Instead she saw death. These days continued, the death growing stronger in her eyes, consuming her will to live. It suffocated her, drowned her in a way that no one could see. She turned away from her friends, thinking all she […]
Suicide Project, that place to be…. or else what? Judges, just the thinking hurts. Ouch. P.T.S.D.
https://youtu.be/LRhNXrzMfew
Yep, leave you a gaggle of people standing by. Feel pretty ducky in this world, in a chicken suit. Tornadoes, Tsunamis, atomic plant melt downs, yep, there is a lot of gaggle-ing going on, you rubberneckers. Most go to these races hoping for a champion and often a wreck.
We need our own city to propel ourselves or the spirit must overcome the body to get day by day in an anxious mind.
Be a solider, 22 a day are hurting themselves irreversibly.
So put that most awful gaggle of people you might […]
Now I want to kill myself for the simple fact that I’m sick to death of every person on earth saying I’m bat shit crazy and fucked up in the head because I want love in my life!!!! Everyone since I was a kid has said that it’s wrong for me to think about love or want love!! Now I get called bat shit crazy and am said to not know what love is or be capable of loving anyone!!! I am going to fucking kill myself this year so everyone can shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
It takes 3 days for this to take effect. Heh, fooled them into thinking I actually ate today.
I’m done with what they’re saying. They never wished they had me? Well good, I never wanted them as pathetic emotionally abusive parents either.
So I’m doing both of us a huge favor.
Funny thing, both of them were attacking me today. They wanted to push me into action so I can finally take the exam? Even if I do pass (with my critically low ‘danger of failing’ score on the exit hesi) and get a job as a nurse, I don’t truly care about people, since why the hell […]
Like 1 and half hour ago I tried to hang myself for the second time. I got home from work and I started feeling that fucking pain again and I felt in that fucking despair where I just see black. I just couldn’t stand beeing alive. So I went to supermarket and bought a botle of wine to relax a litle before doing it. So I tied the rope around my neck and I tried to hang myself from the bedrom’s door. I was listening to Lady Starlight and I was dreaming that soon I would be in the sky, shining like a litle star. […]
Burn It All
Went to a live concert last night. Pretty good show. The frontman really knows how to put on a show. Not bad at all. When I get to that point I’m going to blow people away. See, when I go to shows it’s selfish. I go only so that I can visualize myself on the same stage seeing myself doing the same things better. Seeing what things I like regarding lighting and acoustics and even the performance. I pick up […]