Sadly, I lost a great friend of mine named Andrew. He died on May 11, playing soccer. Andrew had a heart condition, and before he played that evening, he had 2 redbull. He had a really bad heart attack, and it took his life.
Andrew, was a beautiful person. He left behind friends, family and his girlfriend.
I miss him everyday so much.
When I attended his visitation, it really sunk in for me… He was dead. Gone. a little piece of blue sky, and another soul in heaven, another body in the ground.
Life is too short to not say things to people around […]
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I just got out of the mental ward two days ago for downing thirty pills.but no one took that seriously so i was only there four days and one day in the er.today i find out that a guy i liked in high school is in the icu on breathing tubes cause he tried to kill himself and odd as it sounds i wish it could have been me.i wish i could be on breathing tubes dying.no one cared about my flawed attempt cause im a regular at the er if i was dying maybe someone would seriously help me but because i make flimsy […]
Im not being abused or anything terrible like some people are. So why am I so tired and it’s hard to get up out of bed in the morning because it’s hard.. It really is.. Every day looking in the mirror and seeing something I really hate.. Maybe I’ll get prettier in the future… No .. I don’t see any boys busting down the for me.. My sister constantly tells me I’m ugly… And the terrible thing is she’s right… I hope someone comes on this site and reads my post and it makes a difference in their life.. Sometimes I cut my arms legs […]
ob·ses·sion
?b?seSH?n/
noun
the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
“she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession”
an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.
plural noun: obsessions
“he was in the grip of an obsession he was powerless to resist”
So my short story is about obsession, not love. It’s kind of poetic, actually, or so I’ve been told. Read more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qzldTyxHx99uPfQ0Cdt-st5LwKzZ158d21aeP34IC68/edit
At this point I am all alone in my own head. There’s not a single person in the world that knows how I truly feel, and I’m hurting. I have no clue what the source of these inner demons I’m struggling with is, and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever find it.
It has been six years since I started feeling depressed. I am 19 and my feelings started as a freshman in high school. At first I just thought they were normal teen angst. I felt lonely. I felt alienated from those around me. I felt so guilty about everything I did wrong, […]
Hey (goodbye).
I’m kinda messed up right now, I’m feeling pretty bad though I could probably stop feeling this way; I just don’t want to. I’m not sure why but I kind of enjoy feeling sad, I guess in the same way that I like self-harm; maybe it’s the same thing. This probably isn’t healthy but I’m not, so it might be alright. I guess I’m just fucked, I hate myself and I think I might kill myself tomorrow not that it matters.
I’ll go to the student services room at school, sign off there, catch the train home and hang myself.
I’m sure it […]
The music I always loved to hear lost their charm.
The DXM I treated as substitutes for real anti-depressants have lost their appeal.
I no longer linger in anticipation waiting for the next part of the show/comic I follow.
I don’t even feel excited at the prospect of having a family in the future anymore; now it just sickens me knowing that there is a possibility that I may give birth or raise a child that would end up as fucked up as I am. It frightens me that the person I would be with in the future would suffer because of my mental issues.
Besides, if I off […]
One’s problems don’t mean jack-s**t in the world.
Unless someone can make money off of it, or benefit in some way, it will remain useless and repelled.
Even a mother doesn’t care what her son’s been through.
Or maybe that’s just mine.
Yeah, probably just mine.
My Sadness makes no sense,
So, to you:
It’s unacceptable.
It’s selfish,
It’s not okay.
My Sadness comes from failure:
Failure to satisfy you,
The world,
Myself.
I fear failure and so I fall.
My Sadness hides in shadows
Behind smiles,
Behind bravado,
Behind happiness –
I’m not allowed this Sadness.
My Sadness crushes my windpipe.
I’m drowning,
Sinking,
Dying slowly
Smiling all the while.
My Sadness is forbidden
So I sneak it
In the dark,
Round the corner,
On my own.
My Sadness isn’t a weapon
To use against you,
I hate the Sadness.
Just like you
I’m sorry
Well, I just learned a person I loved for a long time has taken their own life. We were together for a few years in the mid 90’s. I found out about the drug use, the selling of drugs, the lies and cheating. I ended the relationship. Today I got an email. Yet another year of arrests for selling drugs, more time in jail. That’s where it ended…..by hanging.
I never stopped loving and caring what happened. But I could not deal with all of it. I had Mom to care for as she was lost to dementia. I had my own body to care for […]
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control […]
He is the only thing keeping me going these days. He tells me I’m special and how much he cares for me, what I’m worth, he puts a real smile on my face (the only person who can)… Without out him I wouldn’t be writing this I wouldn’t be here right now. If it wasn’t for his daily words of encouragement I would have taken my life or my mother would have locked me in the insane asylum a long time ago… But thanks to the one person who took the time to understand the time to pay attention and listen. Thanks to him I […]
I went to doctors yesterday and have gota mild eating disorder because I have a fear of gaining weight 🙁 it’s kinda hard cause I also have depression and get a lot of thoughts and everyday is hard. Social worker contacted me yesterday saying if I was safe and I feel the doctor has told them stuff I told them all my levels of trust have gone 🙁 I feel major down and I’m in pain a lot with my back and have cluster headaches a lot too I am also anemic so I bruise easily and I’m quite pale. I have about two friends […]
It’s funny how I ask to be normal. I wanna do normal shxt.
Like I wanna have a normal day. Get out of bed, shower, eat, go to work, come home and go to sleep. I can’t even do this.
My day is more like wake up crying [cause I wish I were dead] cry in the shower and don’t wanna eat. Call in because I’m too sad to work or go to work and cry. Then have insomnia all night.
Ppl take for granted the ability to have a simple day.
life is still as sucky as ever. i’ve become an automaton, just moving through the motions of everyday life without any joy. my parents still drinking. tonight they’re so drunk they’ve already fought. my mom is so drunk she doesn’t know what she is talking about. my dad was in the room, and i heard her say “what if we had another little baby?” she is 51 years old, smokes, drinks, has cancer, and is in no health to have a baby (besides the fact that she can’t because she’s in menopause). my dad is so drunk he responded with something accusing her of wanting […]
Its something I’ve been thinking about for a while, while depression is not a recent phenomenon it is something that has seen a staggering rise in recent years, among all age groups. Perhaps it is a natural product of our evolution. In previous centuries humanity was heavily orientated around physical labor, be it farming, construction or whatever. In those times i believe physical illnesses were higher, naturally i believe the heavy basses of the hole physicality of the time bread those physical issues. I think humanity has reached its point in the evolutionary chain where our physical self has evolved to close to its end […]
Hello everybody.
In my other posts, I do not think I made myself as clear as I wanted to. To me it’s a miracle I’m still here. Still breathing. Still fighting. A couple of weeks ago, I lost my best friend. She said I was too sad for her well-being. How selfish can one be? How inconsiderate?
I’m not surprised I feel like this. I feel like I’m at the breaking point. I feel hopeless not only about my social life but also because of my skin condition. I haven’t mentioned this in the other posts. I have acne. Acne that I can cover up with makeup, […]
Someone once told me that since I am the oldest child in my family that pressure and stress comes with the job… He also said “it’s you that has to take the bullet for them” I feel as if I’ve taken the whole clip of a machine gun for them, but as I lay here surrounded by my suicidal thoughts… I cant help but hope that one day someone will step up and take the bullet for me… But by the looks of things that’s not in the near future anytime soon…..
I don’t know how to feel about mine and Mrs. K’s relationship. She has been very nice to me and has been helping me with my drug problem and self harming. Last Wednesday when I stayed at her house I was having a really tough time, so she laid with me on the couch and stayed there, I was expecting her to get up and leave when I was asleep, but she didn’t.
At school she kind of was distant. I would try talking to her, just about school stuff, and she would not look me in the eye.
This weekend I went with her to her […]
So me and my momma aren’t talking. Well I’m not talking to her. My depression really affects her the worse. She’s seen me at my worst and in rehab. I’ve fought her. We argue like crazy and I’m not very respectful. I mostly take all my anger out on her because of some childhood shxt that I won’t get into. Point is we aren’t talking because she said I don’t respect her. Which is 100% true.
I’m gonna break this down. Imma horrible fckn person. I cut myself. I’ve tried to kill myself. I don’t bellieve in myself. I don’t love myself. So how […]