Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]
We are all on here for different reasons and have been driven to consider taking our own lives due to a wide range of experiences. We are a diverse company of sufferers. And that is as it should be.
I haven’t posted here with any regularity in many months. I’ve been in Puerto Vallarta since August 1st and will return to the states on Jan 26th, as planned.
Its been a time of great introspection, highs and lows and just plain old acceptance of who and what I am, and what is possible for me. I […]
It’s funny how we all live in this huge world to be known by some but feel forgotten by everyone. I walk in the streets and they may see my smile but they’ll never know my stories.. They’ll never know the truth behind this face. All the lies of happiness and all the stories of fake laughter. When will be the day that people can see beyond the “joyful” eyes and see what’s really beneath it all <\3
You wake up in the morning – happy as can be. You strive in life to put a smile on anothers’ face, but struggle to put one on your own. The evening comes and the thoughts wander in – What if…wouldn’t it be great…how would others react it…
Ive been through this website a few times as I struggled to keep myself from making a second attempt. I read about how others feel, the struggles they go through, the stories that match mine.
Having a constant loss of happiness is the worst pain. The moments spent creating little notes and looking up various ways of attempting. The […]
I find this page this One day when I was in the point of suicide. I was wondering and I just get into the Internet to find a a swear like if someone else feel like I did and yes. So I need to tell someone everything I feel before I blow up and my story to know if someone feels like I do or have the same I do.
My name Nobody really cares but I’m a teenager and have had depression for almost five years, recently I discover i am bipolar I got bipolar disorder II plus eszquizo/affectivity depression. My family form my dad […]
A little time ago I tried to kill myself.
I was taking these meds for depression and anxiety and also some kind of sleeping pills, ’cause I was feeling really bad. I have abandoned school and I’ve spent my days sleeping, crying, talking with my therapist, doing to myself all kind of self harm, drinking all night and things like these.
I was afraid of the night, ’cause even if my mother was trying to take care of me ’cause she knew everything, at night I was somehow always alone. When everyone slept I was always still there, facing my demons in the dark, trying not to […]
when i think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird….i think of dying
lay me down in a field of flame and heather,
render up my body into the burning heart of god
in the belly of a black winged bird- Adam duritz
in the beginingwas the myth. God, in his search for self expression, invested the souls of
hindus, greeks, and germans with poetic shapes and continues to invest each childs soul with poetry every day.-hesse, Peter camenzind
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t […]
I have been depressed and suicidal for many years. My desire to accomplish some of the goals that I have in life is the only thing that is keeping me alive. Experiencing a peaceful death is one of the goals that I have. It is a privilege that very few people that are suicidal get to experience.
I don’t believe that a suicidal person should have to experience negative emotions like fear, anger, and sadness during their final moments. I believe that a bullet to the head is always the best way to go. The death will always be quick and painless if the gun is […]
I fall, fallen pidgeon
Does it continuum, after the eternal
I keep seeking, nobody half-way
The grey and the long in the beast
I keep searching for a path, at the end
I did it all like they did it all
Abyss, keep
Winged-creature, iron-power
Are you, golden-heart
Weezing, uncontrolled, self-destruct
Golem, take it to the maximum
The Grimer, the Slowpoke, the Paras
Alex, Dragonyte, Lord
The Black Ash
I would pick Bulbasaur, the green buffer
Because my essence is leaf, of the Muk
Nidorino the mighty, Parasect for alchemy
Grow a Caterpie but not the Weedle
One more for whoever, poor Dewgong
To always save the world […]
I’m not sure of what else to write, so I’ll go with my favorite topic: Alex. I’m way more obsessed and in love with him than I should be. I only knew him exactly a week. I was in the hospital, he got there to wait for a bed in another place. It was pure dumb luck that we met.
Basically what happened between us it this: (sorry it’s long) he was introduced, I loved his southern accent, and I liked him a lot. I tried to keep him off my mind to work on treatment, but it just got harder and harder. On his […]
‘to live is the rarest thing in the world, most of us just exist’ – the fabulous oscar wilde
litterally on the edge right now. cant stand anymore. i need a way out. i dont want to just exist anymore…
I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. […]
take me to the blue moon motel
carry me over the threshold
treat me like i am your young bride
together on our wedding night
fuck me in the motel shower
make my makeup run like a porn star
carry me naked to the bed
fawn my hair out when it’s still wet
from the motel window, the signs twinkle and the stars go
i see all the places you’ve taken me and all the places we’ll go together
hold me spoon me and i’ll pretend
in your arms that i am pregnant
with your baby, yeah your baby
your two babies softly sleeping
you’re […]
Sometimes this helps. Just a little bit, when my feelings are tumultuous, anxiety is creeping through me and my stress levels are rising. I am overwhelmed by everything or nothing at all and It feels like I am at melting point, but I just want to stop feeling. To evaporate into thin air and just simply cease to be. Away from everything and everyone.
I Stop and I breath. Close your eyes if that helps, but breath in and out slowly. Concentrate on the air, going in and out, feel your chest rising gently and feel a wave of relaxation roll through your body, slowly washing over every […]
It sounds stupid, but I have many, many problems. I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety. All three of these things are bad, but when they are together at the same time, they are difficult to live with. My depression has been getting out of hand lately. I have a serious crush on a girl, ever since I was in high school. Her best friends are also my best friends, so I had the guts to tell them that I had strong feelings for this girl. Unfortunately, this girl only thinks of me as a friend. A best friend. She talks to me about her crush. […]
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own, save me from the ones that haunt me in the night I can’t live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
That’s basically all I am. I am a joke of Fate, a fly trapped in the web she never stops weaving, a plaything that she uses to occasionally humor herself. And it really sucks.
It’s ironic, actually, because I always tell others to be who they are, an individual, and never give up hope. But I guess I let that last chance out of Pandora’s jar a long time ago, because I don’t think I’ll ever amount to anything.
i recently took in a stray cat…..he’s all old and crochety and sweet and has one eye missing….it took awhile to gain his trust, but now he’s purring at my feet…it’s very rewarding and theraputic……i came upon this site like a week ago, i was doing a bunch of research on suicide methods……i have 3 really awesome people in my life, and i’m daft as fuck but i realize it’s 3 more than some…….but i have some health problems, it hurts to move sometimes….so i do alot of drugs, socially acceptable in my case of course, which somehow makes it worse……i’ve also had some things, […]
Bereavement is never a happy thing, unless you really hate the person, even then though I won’t be happy. But one tends to accept bereavement if the person concerned is an aged or maybe an ailing one, probably not too close, just as a part of life. But if the person concerned is someone you just loved to be with and always looked up to in so many ways, somebody who had always given you bundles of joy and happiness, even while suffering himself, somebody who have touched the deepest core of your heart, then all the world just breaks apart!
It is not that I’ve […]
Oh goodness I am so tired of people telling me I have a drug problem. I do not. My Mentor told me, “If anyone takes a substance to not feel, then that’s a problem.” I’m sorry I feel so sad all the time and am worried about other things, that I take pain pills to deal with it, and I cut myself to deal with it. I don’t know what else to do when I am so down in the dumps. I don’t know what to do. If I do have a problem, so what? No one is going to ‘help’ this poor 16 year […]