The only two friends that i have in college do not speak to me anymore.
I really liked them as my friends and i build a great friendly relationship with them but I’ve been noticing some strange behavior from them.
My two friends are guys and i’m a girl.
Anyways, we are all in the same class and I’ve been noticing that when i have a conversation with one of them- the other walks away.
And For example- we wrote a script individually for the class we are in and i asked both of them to be in it and one of them ask me […]
Tag:
jealous
He did it this past Christmas. I found out about it about a month later. I reacted by being intensely jealous. It was his first attempt and he succeeded. I’ve made three attempts already and am still here.
Right now, I’m fine with that. I’m not particularly suicidal at this moment. But I believe that I’ll ultimately take my own life, whether it’s this year, next year or twenty years from now. I’m just so tired and life (my life, anyway) is meaningless. It makes me so sad that I have people who care about me who I will totally fuck up when I finally do […]
Fucking hypocrites, everyone of them.
Everyone who judges me and tells me I’m on the wrong path; then I look a little deeper and realize what fucked-up lives THEY lead.
Their own abusive relatives, partners who ignore them, bad marriages, addictions, self-loathing… they need to look at their own fucking problems before they pass sentence on me.
I’m not going to listen to them anymore. I am reaching higher. I am going within and learning to follow my instincts; to listen to my gut, my head, my heart. I am going to hone that skill. All my instincts have been telling me to Be Love. To reach out to those I want […]
I don’t understand why I should live and I wish I was never born so that I don’t have to go through anything. You may call me a coward but to be very honest I really am jealous of miscarried children. I wish I were them rn. And I don’t care anymore about other people and how they feel nor do I care about what possible future I can bring. If I’m dead then they wouldn’t matter much to me. So if you do know the purpose of life then do tell me because I just don’t know anymore.
Is it possible to have nostalgia for things you’ve never had or experienced? It’s like, maybe watching television and reading books isn’t such a great idea, because I see their lives, and I want them. Not all the drama, but the freedom, I guess. The friendships. The honesty. I wish I had those things growing up. And I look back on my life so far, and I feel like I’m missing my younger years. Then I remember what shit my younger years were, and I realize I’m missing what I missed. I’m missing the things that other people have. Maybe that’s more like envy, but […]
Yes, it’s true.
I’m Jealous. Very jealous.
I’ve never been more jealous in my life.
And it hurts. And it’s dark.
It’s darker than black hole. Darker than satan’s soul.
I am jealous of the ones who get to die.
The ones who get to leave this place. This awful pace.
The ones who get to sleep soundly forever, unbothered by this evil called life.
I want to die. But I can’t die.
I wish I had no one to disappoint.
No one to hurt.
But there’s too many.
I want to end my pain not pass it on.
So I sit here waiting.
Hoping to […]
I’m a 22 and a senior in college. I have nothing to look forward to in the future. All of my friends have their planes ahead of them, me not so much. I have aspergers. (form of autism) and I don’t think my friends realize that. For example I literally feel like I’m a failure and I will be for the rest of my life. These past two months have been hard. Just recently my friend actually best friend had a confrontation. I hate confrontations because its just usually bashing me and everything I have done. Like they are graduating and I’m not and from […]
Just a few moments ago, I had a dream. In this dream I was in a canyon walking aimlessly, the weather conditions were rain and lightning. I saw another person, I did not know who this individual was. Anyways he was around 100 feet from where I was and he jumped, I did not bother to save him as I was paralyzed by the sight of him jumping off the cliff. When I got to his exact location blood was everywhere, I looked into his wallet I found nothing but a suicide note in the dollar compartment……… I got extremely pissed off to the point […]
My life is going on a different track…not how i expected…! My bestie tried to ruin my life…i just can’t imagine someone doing that to anyone…friends are to support you and give you their shoulder to shed your tears on…friends are to walk with you in your difficult times and everyone knows that no one can understand us better than our friends…but what if that friend betrays you and stabs behind your back…??? i don’t think anyone deserves a friend like mine…she betrayed me just because of jealousy…its so sad to hear that your own friends are jealous of you and not happy to see […]
Hello, whoever uses this site.
A few years ago, I used to post here. Sometimes quite regularly. I’m sat by myself in an empty room, and something possessed me to re-read all my old posts and I thought, why not update my life a little. I’m sure all the people who used this site when I did are gone, maybe even dead. But I do hope that there are still people here.
It’s been almost 2 years and one of the main changes in myself, is that I am appalling at explaining my feelings and emotions now. I am slightly jealous of my old selfs […]
I will start with writing about my life and will start with sharing information about a period slighty before that I came to exist in this world. In this period of life my my father-to-be and mother-to-be were going through a rough period of their relationship and which was not stable and while most people with common sense would work on the relationship or choose to go seperateways I had a mother who had a very different plan and apparantly wanted to keep my father with her for reasons unknown to me and in order to achieve this she made a hole in the condom […]
I keep spinning back to the darkness. I have one good day and then cycle down to the lowest low. I KNOW I should be seeing a therapist but there is no money for such luxury. I am intensely jealous of all the people in my life who do not work – have not worked for years – and they have shrinks. They see doctors. They have every medication under the sun to even them out. What’s my med? I get to fake it. That’s my med. I get to wake up every day and go to work and be nice and friendly and productive. […]
I don’t know my family very well. I’m not very close to anyone, no cousins no friends.
My whole life I wished for that closeness to someone. My dad left my mom when I was very young, she would always choose her boyfriend (at the time) over me.
I ended up in homeless shelters before I was 18. I didn’t know how to love or except anyone. I was so jealous of people with their happy family and close sibling relationships.
I became a raging alcoholic while trying to keep myself financially stable, wishing that death would find me soon.
I ended up at the […]
Just of a bit of let out from all of the emotions that have built up so far. I’m just unscrewing the lid of the bottle and only open slightly as I slightly tilt the bottle full of negativity.
Sure, I’ll play that role of that cheerful friend who is fine with all of your jokes. I’ll be that friend that you can call at 3 am cause I’ll always be awake.
“You’re not sleeping?” She asks.
“Hmmmmm, maybe in a minute, I found this video on the internet.”
I’ll be the one who is always there to stay quiet at the times needed, I won’t ask why you’re […]
I am sick and tired of it all.
The only thing that is sort of positive is that I’ve been organizing and getting rid of junk that has accumulated over my lifetime.
I pulled out the pictures of me, but I got rid of school yearbooks. Some I torched, some I put in the trash. Didn’t even bother recycling them.
I have a bible, still kept it in a box with a bunch of other books, but I don’t really give it much weight anymore. I’ll probably get rid of it in a couple of days as part of the whole process.
There are some things that are still […]
Hi there. This is my first post. I joined a weeks or so ago to try and help others. I’ve tried to help people all my life. Seems to be the only thing that gets me through. I wasn’t really going to make a post, but tonight I feel like I should. Not really sure if it’s a rant, or what it really is. Just need to say some things.
I’ve been depressed a lot of my life. Seems just haven’t always seemed right. I wouldn’t say it was severe, but it’s definitely been there. I was in a 10 year relationship since I was 13 […]
I told myself I wasn’t going to post here until I started my short story, but I found an old journal of mine and felt like I should post anyway. I was flipping through it and I was kind of startled at how much I wanted to die. Not because I’m better, but because I have made absolutely no progress. If anything, I’ve gotten worse. I’m more isolated now. I feel things less. I’ve lost any bit of hope I had before.
Damn, usually when I see these types of things, people always say how much better they are, and I’m jealous. I don’t want to […]
Im so tired, sometimes i feel so tired. I work everyday with some new shit. I deal with collegework piling up, and at work where people belittle me. i feel so alone, never even knowing what it is like to be with someone i love, i offer mine, but it seems meaningless. i get so jealous it hurts, never a light at the end of the tunnel. Then i get paranoid as if everyone is looking at me. so it puts me further into myself.. I cant tell anyone how i feel because i feel like a selfish asshole and my problems are insignificant. I […]
That might seem dramatic. My mind is all sluggish and clogged, probably because it’s 12:30 right now. I don’t anywhere. Maybe I’ll try elsewhere and see if I can be born with the correct body, ya know?
This flesh cage, I can’t live in it. It’s draining to see foreign objects on your chest and nothing between your legs. Why do I have curvy hips. They don’t belong there. They need to go. Maybe I’ll slice those chest tumors off.
There are boys all around with their own sets of problems. I shouldn’t be jealous, but hell, I am jealous. I’m jealous because they’re accepted as boys […]
I’m so tired of being jealous of others happiness. Life is no longer fun. It’s a struggle I have to force myself to go through everyday. I don’t know what to do.
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