Hi there. This is my first post. I joined a weeks or so ago to try and help others. I’ve tried to help people all my life. Seems to be the only thing that gets me through. I wasn’t really going to make a post, but tonight I feel like I should. Not really sure if it’s a rant, or what it really is. Just need to say some things.
I’ve been depressed a lot of my life. Seems just haven’t always seemed right. I wouldn’t say it was severe, but it’s definitely been there. I was in a 10 year relationship since I was 13 years old. I ended it 8 months ago. I couldn’t stand being a dying relationship with her any longer. She was so insecure with us and my love for her. I loved her, and sadly still do. She would always question my love for her. Everyday she ask me if I did love her and how could I love her. It began wearing on me and began to ask myself the same questions. I started doubting it. I would come home from long 12 hour work days (I’m an auto tech by the way. Work 70 hours a week for a 30 hour paycheck usually. It’s tormenting.) and she would get so upset and mad that I didn’t want to be intimate with her. I just wanted to lay beside her after those unbelievably long days. I just wanted someone that could understand how hard it was. But no, she would sulk the rest of the night. Then I began feeling that I was a horrible boyfriend. So after months of this I ended, thinking I was the problem.
Well now she has moved on with someone else. And I’m just here in the hole. I was angry at first and didn’t want anything to do with her after thinking of all the times she was never there for me. All the times she made me feel guilty for just being depressed. She was spiteful, resentful and jealous of other people. She could never be happy if someone else had something she didn’t. She disliked all the friends I made, because she felt I spent too much time around them. But after a while I missed her. I started thinking I was the problem again.
So I made that choice. The choice to leave her. Now I don’t know what I’m doing. She’s moved on and now I’m alone. I tried being her friend, but all she would do it argue with me. She told me his name out of spite knowing I didn’t want to know it. So I erased her number. That was a few weeks ago. I’ve slowly been becoming and introvert and have started having severe breakdowns. I’ve now gotten to the point that I’m questioning my life and don’t have a will to live. I haven’t even had a glimmer of hope in meeting anyone new and its very discouraging. I picked up alcohol after the break up. Never touched it until then. Everyone seems to want to help, but turn as soon as I open up, they turn away. All people say is just give it time. With time it has only become worse though. I really have no one to turn to anymore. I have no love in my life and no one to love me. I’ve only been with one person my whole life.
I guess this was a rant after all. This is just a piece of my life. I’m not sure why I wrote this. I guess I feel like I don’t have much of a choice. Well, guess I’ll call it a night.
15 comments
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Relationship stuff is tough, especially ending after 10 years. I never even had one last that long to know how bad that would feel, most I got was a few years and I know breakups always practically killed me. Then again, most relationships probably don’t have a good chance of lasting forever from the age of 13. It’s always interesting when people do have a success story involving having met that young, but not common. I was an auto tech for a few years before realizing how miserable it made me and quitting. I know exactly what you mean about coming home and having no energy for anything else. And about the pay. If you need someone to talk to, let me know.
Hey thank you for the reply. Yea, being a tech has seemed to drain me of my life. I’m currently trying to move into a different field. Maybe something to kick start my life. Not much people understand the responsibility of being a tech. That’s probably the worse part of it.
I never had a relationship as long as yours, but i’ve only been in long ones (around 3-4 years each), and i did experience the sort of burnout you mention at least in a couple of them. I’d say you did the right thing getting out of that relationship, even if it hurts now, and deep down you must know it too.
Being with someone that limits your life and doesn’t support you that much at the end of the day as you mention, is just a recipe for hate. Even if you still love the person the resentment end up harming both, and that just can’t go on forever (at least that happened in my case).
Also, the fact that she moved on pretty fast should prove you that her love for you wasn’t that much, or that she’s just really immature (i’m guessing she’s still young), because that should have been somewhat of a wake up call for her instead (if she still wanted to be with you).
I know you’ve been told this before but yup… you must give it time. And don’t despair if you don’t see chances to find someone again, those will come eventually. Some people take longer to heal, in my case it took years every single time (i still got chances but rejected them), but that doesn’t mean that the same will happen to you. Keep strong, and good luck.
That exactly is it. I didn’t want to end up resenting her, but she does me. It’s hard dealing with that fact. Thank you for the reply!
i know your feelings all too well. ive only had one serious girlfriend in my life that lasted about 6 years. been single about 13 months now with no end in site. i cant really say things get much easier but eventually you do start to just come to accept the way things are now. i wish i could say something more helpful but all i can really say is maybe like 3 months from now youll feel more comfortable being your own person again in one way or another.
on a side note if you continue to drink drunk texts or calls are definately a no-go someone will just end up sad or angry.
Yea, hoping things will improve. Thank you for the reply
I’m 22 and I’ve never been in a relationship. They say “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to’ve never loved at all”. I think that’s true to an extent. Of course it’s more painful to have feelings so strong only to have them crushed by the unfairness of life, but isn’t that the beauty of it all? Ups and downs, blacks and whites all colliding in perfect harmony to create this seemingly chaotic world of ours? My advice to you is to never give up hope because the future is a mystery, and this experience may turn out to benefit you in ways you can’t even imagine.
Thank you for the reply. I’m hoping that’s how it will end up. A lot of people say that is what will happen. I guess only time will tell.
They say it takes about half the time that a relationship lasted to get over it and heal properly. If yours was 10 years… gee, you’re looking at five years or so. That doesn’t mean you can’t find someone else and be happy in that time, but for now, focus on you and on feeling better. Unlike your codependent ex who immediately moved on with a rebound because she couldn’t stand being alone, you’ve already proven to yourself that you are stronger and more independent than her.
Yes, it will take time – took me at least a year and a half to get over a four year relationship. But in this time you can discover what kind of person you are, away from her influence. You’re in your early 20’s, it’s a great time to reinvent your identity. I’d say that’s why your relationship fell apart – you both developed in different ways and were no longer compatible. That’s common for high school/young adult relationships.
I’m sorry for your pain, but hang in there. Your life isn’t over, this just means it’s time for a new beginning.
I’m trying to get there. Not really sure who I am honestly. Always seen myself with her. Thand you for the reply. I try to improve the situation and see where I takes me.
*thank you
I recognized a lot of myself in your post. If you want to read about my story, click on my name and check out my posts. Maybe something in there will be helpful to you.
Btw, I’m so sick and tired of people insisting that time will somehow make everything better. It’s one of the biggest lies perpetrated on humanity. The truth is that in some cases the passage of time will help improve things. I’m not denying that it happens.
But, this blind belief that time WILL make everything better is plain BS. And the arrogant way people will tell you that. Like they already know the outcome. Just give it some time, they say. You will see, they say. Then give you that look that says “trust me, I know” which just makes me sick.
I can only speak from personal experience. Time has been my biggest enemy. With each passing day, I get worse. Time has done nothing for me except push me closer to the edge. The more time that passes the more pain I feel. The more anguish. The more despair.
And yet, I still have people give me that look. Still tell me about time. If time works for you, then great. I’m really glad for you. But please don’t cram it down my throat. Can you at least do that?
Thank you. I’ll be sure to look at your posts. My sister constantly tells me to give it time and it gets very annoying. I have mixed feelings about the whole time thing. I don’t think it will necessarily heal me on it’s own, but I do think it will take time to maybe discover something new. But I really don’t know right now.
Hey tmg, I’m with you; I can’t stand the advice “just give it time”. Time never healed anything, what heals wounds is when we forget. But for those of use who can’t forget, or worse, those of us who dwell and obsess and reinforce our regrets, time is the enemy.
A breakup after 13 years, man that’s brutal even if we all know it’s for the best (which it really sounds like it is, based on how spiteful and self-centered she is). But I think you’ve got the right idea: it’s time to discover something new. In similar situations, some of these diversions have worked for me: (1) getting obsessive about health & working out – nothing like endorphins to numb the pain; (2) something creative like painting, learning how to play guitar, writing; (3) doing some volunteer charity work, especially since you have a knack for helping others; and (4) which is not highly advisable but it’s better than nothing: find another love interest. Just make sure you both realize it’s probably just a proverbial rebound thing haha.
Oh, and I forgot the easiest thing to do: read & post on SP a lot. It really does work wonders sometimes. Hope you’re hangin in there!
Hey thanks for the reply! I agree time is the enemy to a certain extent. I’ve picked up piano again and lord knows I need some exercise, so that’s definitely on the list lol. I wish I could find another love interest, but I’m not exactly cream of the crop, so that’s not probable haha. Thanks again, I’ll try!