I have only psuedo-interests that center around what other people think I am good at. Everything I think and feel is based on my environment and the people in it. I genuinely don’t think I enjoy anything on an interpersonal level, and the things that do give me joy are evil. My thought patterns are full of hatred, and my perceptions of the people and things around me are filtered through a distorted lense. I feel little social joy. Because of this, I find myself faking everything during communal events. I have to force myself into every social situation, and furthermore, I have to force […]
I don’t understand why sometimes I wake up feeling ok and other times I wake up and I don’t want to get out of bed…I sleep for 10 hours and still feel tired. I no longer get joy out of my appearance. I hide it as much as can because my boyfriend puts up with so much, with my panic attacks and anxiety. We try to rate how much I hate myself daily on a scale of 1-10. I live in fear of when he will leave me, because who could love an empty shell. I don’t understand why he hasn’t left me, I have […]
I do it for the joy
it brings
because i”m a joy
full girl
because the world owes me
nothing
and we owe each other
the world
i do it because it”s the least i
can do
i do it cause i learned it
from you
i do it just because i
want to, because i want to
everything i do
is judged
they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the bathroom mirror has
not budged
and the woman who lives there
can tell
the truth from the stuff they say
she looks me in
the eye
“would u prefer the easy way?
no, well ok then………………………………..dont cry”
i am just a girl
I have no super powers
My veins filled with blood
But as I lay here
Breathing, in tears
By the agony I feel
I become aware
My heart ripped out
Stomped on, destroyed
Did not alter the life
Continuing on in my soul
I am just a girl
Without a heart, no joy
No possible future
Nowhere left to go
I have no super powers
But here I am
Against allodds
I still stand
I am just a girl
Without any hope
Void of will
I AM NO SUPER HERO!
So please tell me why
Against all the odds
why do I stand here still?
I wish the stars would shine the way they did when you and I were one. The world seems lonely now, the nights are filled with silence. There is an emptiness all around me. The skies are darker now, the nights are longer now. In the silence I strain to hear your voice again but all there is, is darkness. The night grows cold, the flames we kindled are no more. You were the light that lit the skies, that filled my heart with joy. You made the stars shine brighter, you gave the night a warmer glow. I wish the nights were ours again, […]
It’s not only a reminder of how fucked up my life is, it’s also a blow in the face having to talk to those family members who will call me asking me how I’ll celebrate and how many friends I’ve invited and how much fun I’m going to have. They know nothing. And the fact that that hasn’t changed in the last years only shows how much I mean to them. Exactly, pretty much close to not a tiny bit. The only thing I wish for my birthday is that I don’t have one. Just leave me fucking alone and stop pretending you care.
i felt hate towards everything. then i got mad at God. now i am just sad. I wont slip into despair this time. i just really wish i could cry. i have not shed a tear in years. i have wept with joy. i remember feeling that happy. i feel the urge, but tears wont come. meh…..
Hi Everyone,
I guess you might say I’ve been ‘trolling’ on here now & then but more so lately. I’m not sure when I signed up but especially this weekend & I posted a few comments. Not very helpful ones, just the “I get it” kind.
Anyway, I guess it’s time I said hello & told my story. I’ll try not to get too detailed.
I am a 46 yr old, married mother of 2 boys 7 & 10. They are all great but I don’t know what I thought motherhood would be. For some reason (possibly the fairy tale we are led to believe in by society?) […]
Hello readers/posters:
I am new to this board. Honestly, I never knew such a place existed (I guess I am less imaginative than I once thought). I found you by doing searched for methodology in suicide, which I will not share here per the guidelines and strictures of this site.
Short story of why:
I lost the joy and love of my life recently. No, not due to death. Worse. She found someone else and walked out. I was caught wholly unaware. The rage and sorrow and loss are too much.
I am not a successful man. I have a low-end job at a local donut shop. Hardly where […]
BIPOLA:
Life comes to standstill
Life is meaningless.
You don’t existed.
You are too tired to try.
Hope is DEAD
Feeling eludes you.
Some say you are good as dead.
You don’t feel you deserve anything.
You lost the sense of belonging
You feel detached
You don’t care.
There is no joy,
No sadness
No frustration.
You are just floating around……
Stop caring about yourself
Grow tired of the people around you
That includes people trying to help you or understand you.
You just want to sleep and sleep
and never wake up.
Waking up kills your dreams.
iam not sure if it was the 5 years of heavy drinking or what..but i no longer feel joy..or happiness..i either feel normal or depressed….this is torture…i dont really want to die..i just want my emotions back..ive been put on anti depressants but my mood is the same….
“i could hear my heart beating. i could hear everyone’s heart. i could hear the human noise we sat there making. none of us moved. not even when the room went dark.”
i don’t know why i’m here. i can’t quite seem to figure out anything anymore. sometimes i get these little fits — my roommate calls them “funks” — in which i am just unhappy. i am upset. i am sad. i am angry, at you, and me, and the trees, at the world. and i don’t know why. i never know why. a girl is supposed to know herself better than anyone else could […]
Do you ever get the urge to spontaneously start dancing because the joy you feel is so overwhelming? There’s a song playing in your head, you’re beautiful, everyone loves you, and your future is sure to be awesome?
Does that ever happen to you?
So I just experienced the worst part of my day. Waking up. It’s 1pm and i just woke up. I was dreaming. My favorite pass time.
I honestly don’t enjoy anything else in life. Dreaming is an escape from life…from the depression. I can’t seem to find joy in anything else. I stopped taking my depression medication. I honestly didn’t see any difference.
whaterver…
Hope all of you are able to have a good day today. I’m going to try to act normal as my mother is already in a bad mood for some reason and I’m in a bad mood and if I show any sign of anger I get chewed out.
anyway, to those of you whose mother’s have passed, rest in peace and I hope you can find some joy in the day.
I know that my life has become pure suffering, all my dreams, all my fears, all the passion and all the devotion are now smashed into shards.However, I started to remember everything with joy and nostalgia … my memories are coming back in flashes : the way I used to sit and stare at a tree; the taste of my favourite ice cream; how funny it was to play with my friends in my childhood…
I’ve lived for so long.17 years.It’s curious to think that there are people who want to live for 100 years, and I’m unhappy enough with 17.It was a life.I’ve […]
I stare up from my casket where they lay me to rest
I watch my family as they place roses on my chest
In a blurred second i experienced all the joy they gave to me
I do regret the rest of their lives that I won’t get to see
Please friends and family, dry all your tears
I will always be with you, so please have no fears
I hear them say how they never saw it comin’
how I was so happy,and they wish they could’ve done somethin’
I still remember all the pain I had inside
all the hopelessness, sadness, and anger […]
I remember when we were children
And we wished so much
To grow up already
And to be a grown up
Or most likely a teenager.
I remember when I was a kid
I had the biggest imagination
And I still do, but it’s not as magical
It was this big thing that I loved
I still love it too, but not as much now
I remember when I wished
I wished to be a teenager already
To not be treated as a child
To put on heels and sophisticated outfits
To do hard and difficult math equations
I remember when my hopes were high
My hopes were […]
there is no heaven.
no hell.
no God.
only Time, and a choice.
I made my choice a long time ago, and now time decides when I carry out that choice
Exaggerations… Using words like, “never”, “always”, “nothing”, “everything”, “nobody”, “everyone”… Those are lies.
There are certainties like heat, and gravity, and the concept of time. Sure. Those are irrelevant.
But apathy and ambivalence are illusions to hide pain and pleasure. Sorrow and joy… These are human.
This is – simply – you.
And it is your right to enjoy your existence.
The reason you demand satisfaction is because “happiness” is the truth.
I know who I am. I feel. I’m alive. And sometimes, just sometimes I don’t want that. I’m real.
I need you to be real with me.
Love,
HeartCore