Very bad day. Holding on but its fucking excruciating.I feel burdensome and taxing to my kids… I can feel every emotional crime iv comitted or been the victim of inside my chest ,and I can see the bloody trail of abandonment ive left in my wake .If only.if only..IF ONLY ……….but theres no one for me anymore,and what right do I have to even imagine I can have another chance. Ive thought that once th kids are both in college,that I could be with someone again-but its delusional of me.Ive used all my chances up..I just want to walk out the door and into the […]
I am 37 and have 2 kids who could easily live without me, a dead end job that barely pays enough to keep the utilities on and gas in the car, no friends, no life outside of work. I spend most of my time staring, reading, or playing whatever game my mouse happens to click on the computer. I am chronically I’ll with an undiagnosed ailment which is most likely going to kill me even if I don’t . I don’t drink or use drugs or terrorize my kids. Growing up and in highschool and the years shortly following, being with someone was at the […]
I feel sad all the time. I cant even watch a kids movie without thinking the fake cartoon I see on the screen is the saddest thing out. I just wanna be normal again and this pain to go away, im sick of feeling this way
Not depressed coz somebody died. He was old, never knew him well, he was my paternal uncle, he barely cared for his own kids let alone me.
I braved my social anxiety to attend the funeral. I had an idea what it would be like, and I’m not sorry I went. I was dreading being asked what I do etc. That didn’t happen.
No, I was a part of something, accepted and my presence unconditionally valued as I am a family member and this branch of my family are very keen on family.
It was a nice short service at the crematorium, and there was no God stuff, […]
I am a gambling addict, I have borrowed money, stolen from my parents, even embezzled from my work to fund my addiction.
I am 32 and a father of two young boys aged 3 & 9, I practically have no relationship with my wife, I guess we are still together only because of the kids…
The current situation is that all the chickens are going to come home to roost. My lenders are lining up outside my door every morning, I don’t think I can hide my embezzlement at work for too long.
I have three options,
1. Stick a gun up my mouth,
2. Run away start a new […]
Long ago there was a little boy (he was six years old at the time)who played all alone by himself everyday.the little boy never had any friends.the reason for this was that his mother kept having to move them from place to place for new jobs.they werent stable.because of this the boy fell behind in school and felt stupider than the rest of the kids in his grade.he also didnt know what the new trends were and what was ”cool” to the other kids.the boy tried so very very hard to fit in.he just couldnt do it.he tried and tried and tried but no luck. […]
I’m new to this so I don’t really know how to start out but I guess I will try my best. All my life I’ve delt with hardships but who hasn’t? My parent were divorced when I was 6, my father was a drunk, my mother was a partier. An when they decided to split it wasn’t peaceful. They didn’t care about us kids they just cared about the money that came with the kids. And this is still going on till this day, I’m almost 22 now. It’s hard going through life knowing money is always more important than your life. And I’ve had […]
So I was at the bar, and long story short, I got some good advice so I figured.. What the heck!! Here’s what I learned..
I met a man who told me about his situation with his ex lady and his son. This guy was around my age, and what he told me really resonated with me.
He told me..
“Man, you are lucky you didn’t have kids with that girl, cuz now you can go do anything! There is nothing holding you down so you are free to make your own decisions and go where ever you want. If you had kids you […]
I have thought about committing suicide quite a few times, but I don’t have the guts to go through with it. I’m a burden on my family. My wife and kids would be so much better off without me. They could have a new “Dad” in their lives who didn’t screw things up and make a mess of everything. They might even get some insurance money to help them pay off the debt we’ve incurred because of me. I know it would hurt them and I know that many will say it’s selfish to commit suicide, but I’m not sure of another way to ensure […]
So I have never blogged before but I figured it might help to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Where to begin???? Well currently I am going through a divorce from the mother of my 2 youngest children and I have no one to blame but myself.
I love her so much but have hurt her over and over again throughout the last 6 years. I have been unfaithful more times than I can count and I deserve for her to leave me. I would have left me a long time ago. She is the most beautiful, patient and forgiving woman ever. She is the […]
A few years ago I was high on life. Had a good job, 2 great kids, a home, 2 cars. Seemed like the perfect life. Then i met this guy. He cheated on me, beat me, raped me. The list goes on and on. When I tried to break up with him he would kick my door in or break a window. I felt i had no choice but to give in. I sent my kids to live with there father (I did it for them but now they hate me). I tried to kill myself. Waking up in shock trauma was not fun. I gave […]
I’m starting to see why people do certain things, I may not fully understand it but I think when we are in a place where we feel pent up by our circumstances, a change is wanted…needed. Right now I’m low on oxygen and I’m hanging by an idea. Will a moment come when we find something that gives us fresh air, makes everything seem lighter, brighter more promising, even scary. Looking back to a sad place its easy to ignore it, and maybe move toward what you want to do. In ways I wish I could see an option like that for me but now […]
I am 36..had a pretty rough life.. Not as bad as some, but still pretty rough.. I was sexually abused from about the age of 4 or 5 until I was about 11 by 2 family members..my grandfather and my uncle.. I started smoking pot at around 8 or 9, started drinking when I was I think 10.. Snuck out of my house and. Partied every weekend and would even sneak my parents liquer to school in sports bottles.. once I realized that I can escape this reality I did whatever I could and did it to the max.. I then started lsd and cocaine […]
it’s one the walls on the laptop. So fucking careless. she bropke up with m~!e. I qouldnt believe it museself. She told ME , q. wll have a future. dvrtything wikk be ok. she told me. well haver kids one day. blahblahb.ah. SHE TOLD ME. everything qill be ok. she told me. all these fucked up LIEA. now imbleeding . dying. I wont make it tonit.e I hope. maybe shel;o see. I fucking hate her. she fucked ,e again. what thte fuc,. oh the fuc,. so much fucking blood. cutting again in a bot five. qill not stop till im dead. fuk everyone ./ I […]
I am just after some validation
Basically I cheated on my 20 week pregnant wife with our second child. I am an asshole. Now she is alone, with a 22 month old, no job, no income…. It’s aweful. I want to give her everything. Im not angry at her. She is at me. She doesnt want me to ever see the kids again and that im not a fit parent. And you know what, she is right! I am an aweful person. Im not a fit father or husband. She says she’ll make it hell for me to see the kids… and she will and I […]
im not young. Im over 40. I am married. I have 3 kids, Yet, I am alone. I am an only child. All of my family is dead. I have always been the place everyone comes to when they want something but I have no one. Hell, even my attorney up and bailed on me with no notice. HA! So, here I am. No value, no worth. I am now in the active phase of making plans to ensure the safety to my kids after I am gone.
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner […]
Honestly, I am just tired. old, done the same job for 25 years, (Stay at home mother) Â lived in a strange city for the last 18 of them. Not one friend in this whole city. I hurt from age and loneliness. I was someone else when I got here but between him and the kids.. Who am I now? Trapped in the house by my own fears of the traffic. So fat I hurt, yet the pain keeps me from exercising.. Catch 22. I won’t die, I would love to, but how can I? How can I put my husband and kids though that? Yet […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
I’m just gonna throw this out there. I am mentally and spiritually broken. I have been laid off twice in the last two years. Married with two kids. Was active in church. Was very close to losing my house. Was unable to pay my bills had power and gas getting turned off almost monthly. I found out real quickly who really cares about you when you hit rock bottom which turned out to be no one. I thought my wife was my best friend in this world but I swear she has cheated on me with a co worker. She went and partied with this […]