I guess I’m just angry about the fact that I feel like no-one cares about me. The people that I feel are my friends make me feel worthless. Even my best friend, who is the nicest person in the world, makes me feel like shit sometimes.
My mum is really strict, so I’m not allowed Facebook, or any kind of social media at all, so I find it hard to keep in contact with my friends. And none of them bother to keep in contact with me.
Before my best friend got Facebook, my other friends would still try and talk to me, to let […]
It feels like nothings really changed. Get hyped over things that peak my interest express nothing towards everything else. It gets easier to talk about my problems or health issues and to have analytical jam sessions with doctors, determining what kind of mental issue ive got. Im so open to the not so pretty and just addressing the existence of things like depression or anger-fueled violence that it deters others from really talking to me….but as the time goes by its bothering me less and less. I care less and less. Its kinda good but at times i worry if that mentality will manifest into […]
Hey Suicide Project!
I’m new to the site and I’m kind of hoping that keeping a blog will be a good outlet for me. I’m Elizabeth and I suffer from a mental disorder known as Dissociative Identity Disorder or (DID). What does this mean? Well formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder or (MPD); DID is a mental disorder on the dissociative spectrum characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person’s behavior. But, what does this mean for me? This means that I “host” several other alternate personalities. I refer to myself as the host because […]
To kill time I binge-watched all 8 seasons of House on netflix. That show basically looks life, death, pain, sickness, grief, mental illness, addiction, lost love, anything else you can think of straight in the face and just puts it out there and really makes you think about how you would deal with that kind of stuff. Wilson was my absolute favorite. His and House’s friendship is the kind that’s excruciatingly hard to find and towards the end of the series House pretty much implied that he is nothing without Wilson. In one of the last episodes he goes on this epic tirade where he […]
Its been a while. Things have been going better than they normally do for me right now, so I’m really wondering why I feel like things are about to just go to hell. This year’s been pretty shit. I’ve been alone and lonely my whole life, and I’ve finally made some friends to keep that depression at bay – I really do love these people, they make me the happiest I’ve ever been. I guess you could call them the rebellious type, but I don’t exactly know what they’re rebelling against – they drink, do drugs, that kind of thing. Its been good for me […]
I’ll try to keep this short and to the point…
I just finished high school. I currently live with my father. I’m unemployed, and don’t know where or how to look into anything related to college. I ended HS barely passing with a 2.1 GPA, so universities and whatever are most likely out of the question (for anyone who does not understand GPAs, just assume that I barely graduated, the minimum par being 2.0).
Lately, I’ve been getting high or drunk every day since June, basically, after I moved out of my mom’s place just after finishig school. For all intents and purposes, moving back in with […]
I messed up really bad. I left my friend out of an activity that I planned. At the time, I didn’t do it because I dislike her but because I forgot. I have always prided myself on being kind. But I keep forgetting to invite her to stuff. I do not know why. I swear it is not intentional. I have apologized but it isn’t enough. I know she hates me now and it is all my fault. She is mean to me sometimes and now I can see why. I do not deserve to be her friend when I am always hurting her. And […]
dear fellow readers
I am trying to find some pills that will help me fall asleep to death. However, I do not know what sleeping pills are strong and how many i should take in order for me not to wake up? Do you have any suggestions what kind of pills I can take. I want to take some pills that i can easily buy from the store without a prescription, however I am willing to buy pills over the counter. Just need to tell me how i can convince my doctor to prescribe them for me.
yours truly,
danylost
So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
Yesterday I went to go talk to a Adult Nurse Practitioner at the mental health clinic I go to, and she asked me all the same questions as the Counselor and the guy who gave me the mental evaluation did. After talking to her for 2 hours. She told me that I had Major Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. She told me the reason I can’t sleep, and do drugs, and cut myself, all stems from the depression. She told me that she wanted me to continue to go to group, talk to the Psychologist they have there, and she wants to give me medication to […]
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The last few years of my life I havent really been able to feel any form of emotion to anything. All I feel is just a numbing kind of sense. I have a loving family, a great group of friends and an amazing girlfriend that I know loves me… But I just can’t seem to feel anything back… Its almost like I’m just watching my life go by with somebody else in control… I want to be able to be loving back to them all but the only thing I ever have on my mind now is death, like I’m just waiting for something to […]
Well, hello everybody.
Although I’m not considering myself a banana tree, as the title would suggest, I feel like I’m losing it. I’ve become obsessed with the idea of killing myself. For about 2 years now not a single day has passed without such thoughts. And I don’t know why – there’s no rational reasoning behind this, not a thing. I’ve never been a bubbling kind of gal but now it’s getting out of hand. Every now and then I experience this ridiculous feeling that could be best described as a combination of infirmity, frustration and identity disruption, causing an actual pain, as if my head was […]
I dont really know what im doing here or how i really found this place, all i know really know is that i am alone. I dont have any family or friends to talk to or suport me, an i wish i did.
I cant shake these feelings much longer. This life has not been kind and im ready to leave this forsaken place. Mid september hints the user name.
I have been suicidal for 5 years now. I have tryed to stop throught the years. The happyist thisng happend to me when i got a new girlfriend. I loved her. I still do. She still tells me she loves me. But im not sure of that anymore. Ok… At the start of our relationship things were going good everything was ok. I was finaly happy. But as the months went on i started to feel like killing myself again… I tryed it… But she stoped me forcing me to through up the pills that i had swollowed. After that she got me seeing two […]
…they had state run suicide facilities? Wouldn’t it be gnarly? A place you could go and just be, “put to sleep”, like an animal at the vet. How many people would go? How many would go during a brief period of irrationality, or some other kind of temporary causal factor? Many people feel suicidal at one point or another, most don’t act upon these feelings. But if it were that easy then maybe
I can barely name these bizarre emotions I get. You could call it numbness mixed with lifted awareness. Like I’m not really here, but somewhere else. It happens to me quite often, these “detachments”. When these occur, my memory tend to get worse. I can’t remember what happened when, and I get confused easily.
I feel like I’m riding this crazy train of thoughts that will eventually take me to hell. Oh I think about many different things, not all are bad, but I get lost in the montage of feelings. I know how to make this stop. Sleeping usually does the trick. But temporary stopping […]
I don’t often post on forums or anywhere online. I’ve always kept everything to myself. I don’t really do any sharing about myself, to anyone. I don’t like drawing attention to myself. I’m not very social, I don’t like to go out. Being out and around others makes me incredibly tense and anxious. Even over the phone, or texts, facebook, email, etc. I just dont like people I guess. I have one person I love and care about. I don’t really have close friends, I’ve been estranged and was banished from my family for about a decade.
I grew up with an adoptive family who appeared […]
I’m not new to this site I’ve been here before on a different account. I left because I thought I got better. But today I just kind of broke down and I don’t know why. My sister is graduating from highschool I’ll be a junior next year. It all hits me pretty hard because I’ve never really had any friends so id always hang out with her. And this year I talked to some of her friends which I’ve even considered to be my friends but I don’t think they feel the same way. Anyway I just want to say I’m a piece of shit […]