I’ve been working for 6 hours . And my feet are killing me. But I feel like work is the only thing that occupies my mind .
I don’t think about anything else when I’m working . But I feel like I work so much, I don’t enjoy life . It’s a one one situation. Either work and hate life and not have any enjoyment, or don’t work and sit at home in my bed and sulk . They both kind of suck. I also feel a lot sympathy for people who work for a shitty ass amount of money and try to live off […]
Tag:
kind
and i don’t even care if that sounds dumb. i can’t lie about how i feel, life was just better when i was a kid. i didn’t have the best childhood, but i wasn’t abused and at least i wasn’t depressed. i still had a capacity for fun and adventure, whereas now it takes a herculean amount of strength to face each day, and i feel ‘blah’ about everything. nothing is fun anymore. the years 2002-2007 stand out for me, i was young enough to still have a rosy view of the world. things went south after 08, 2009-10 was kind of the point of […]
Well, hello everyone..
I haven’t written on a site like this before but tonight I needed to tell someone, anyone before I explode. Just as an over view I’m an 18 year old in the grey as hell country of England on the south coast somewhere..
I have always been treated for one kind of mental health issue or another. My mom had me put through Dragonflies which is a kind of bereavement councillor when I was in year six so around 10 / 11 years old, I think she was hoping I was just sad when my grandad passed. Don’t get me wrong I was but […]
I have been planning to kill myself for a few weeks now.. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I am trying to figure out a way to ensure my mom won’t blame herself.
I don’t know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this. I have tried to tell people, I guess kind of hoping they will talk me out of it.. But nobody seems to understand. I just get the generic ‘things will get better’, ‘this will pass, you’ll grow out of it’. Well I’ve been waiting to grow out of it for years now. When do you decide to stop waiting?
sometimes you know that you are nothing but a big joke for someone who means the world to you , the one that you see the light within his eyes
you are a big JOKE to him … you are a fucking joke to him a fucking nothing meaningless nothing a joke he laughes at then forget
and you are the IDIOT fucking stupid enough to still loving him and caring about him and living just wishig to have a chanse to be something to him
something more than that big JOKE
he gots all he needs in life why would he needs you
friends places to go to mother […]
If I was brave enough, I would say this all to your face, but I’m a little bit cowardly. Instead, I’ll write this here, where you’ll never read it.
Don’t let your anxieties get you down, okay? You’re far too wonderful to be burdened with this much shit. I know you want to help people, but you need to put yourself first sometimes.
I’ve only known you two months, but you’ve made such a huge impact on my life. You’re such a kind person, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I love spending time with you every day, and if I don’t see […]
If you’ve ever watched Rick and Morty there’s an episode about these Meeseeks which are kind of like a genie. they exist long enough to complete their task, and once they have completed it they just POOF! However, in this episode they are faced with a task to hard to complete meaning they are existing longer than normal and its very painful for them. they want to complete it as soon as possible so that they can “poof” and stop existing. Well I feel like a Meeseeks, I have existed too long and just want to vanish. living hurts, I don’t feel like I was […]
Warning Explic… Wait, why the fuck am I warning you people about graphic material? You’re big boys and girls. And if you aren’t I am honestly very sorry you are on this site.
She is beautiful. Oh she is not at her best at this moment, no. She wears no makeup on her face, her hair is simply pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, her nails with polish peeling off, and her outfit a menagerie of the most comfortable items in her wardrobe. Yet this woman is stunning. Her kind smile flashes quickly and easily, her hair still soft and flowing in the wind, her hands […]
I have been researching suicide for many years and you get the usual shoot yourself, jump in front of train or suffocation etc etc etc, however starvation is one that’s new to me and one a can totally get on board with.
I have tried suicide methods before and taken a lot of methods into consideration before shooting them down . For example my ideal method would be to shoot myself but I just don’t know the kind of criminal people that would provide me with such a thing. I’ve taken the train into consideration but my local train station is an end point no trains […]
Okay, I will confess: I’ve only ever written on post of this site from a long time ago and then kind of forgot about this site. But here I am again.
Basically what happened in that time was I got through high school and graduated with pretty good grades and all that, despite the rough patches throughout the years. I got accepted into my dream college and moved across an ocean to get here. These past two months at college have been amazing and I really shouldn’t have any complaints. I have friends, my classes are great and amazing and intriguing (I go to an Arts […]
I met this amazing guy who REALLY !!!! Likes me he’s only 7/8 years older then me but he is honestly so kind hearted and sweet And has the cutest smile and brightest eyes we have a little bit of a language barrier but I’m in contact with him but I live in 1 county and he’s in the other. What do I do I’m not good enough for him but is that my anxiety and lack of self worth I always say I want to aim for more and he’s everything a girl could ask for I always promise myself not settle like my […]
Have u ever looked around and seen people laughing, smiling, talking…. An ever thought why? Now, it’s an everyday occurrence for me. Why are they laughing. What could possibly be so funny that they laugh without a care in the world. Why motivates them to maintain that tiring position of a gin on your face. For me, I wear a mask. I don’t even know why I do. I smirk when I’m suppose to, don’t talk out of place, and listen quietly. Now I’m in my bathroom, tearing up, questioning my will to live and move on. Why are we even here. Why do we have to […]
Today I just watched and wondered why I had to wake up. Why get up? Good god, just another one of these days. I realized the normalcy in my life just kind of went away.
I just feel like hell, trying my best in all my work but I just can’t seem to get the grip or get that motivation back. Everything still just seems to kind of died out. things just seem so gray, I can’t find the color in my life like when I was a kid. I realized one of the sources of my problems though. Its that I’ve associated normal behavior and […]
I have two kids. I had them young. I am in college. I live in a trailer. I don’t have contact with my parents. I have overdosed once in my life, years back. I was sent to the hospital and there was a series of events. I feel low, just as low as before. I feel like a bad mom for being so depressed. I feel overwhelmed, I hate my life, I hate being alive. I love my kids but I feel bad I don’t love them enough to want to stick around. I don’t want to live. I really don’t. I have almost no […]
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
Hey guys, sorry, this is kind of my first post. Just I felt I needed to share some things that were on my mind. Don’t really feel comfortable talking about these things but it’s been weighing on me pretty heavily.
I’ve… well I mean there’s no easy way to say it… But I’ve contemplated suicide before. Never was able to do anything about it, but the thought goes through my head a lot more than I care to admit. I’ve just been having so much stress compiled on me, and so many things going through my head it’s just killing me.
The thing is I’m the last […]
I feel awkard, because I’m drunk. I can’t cope with the love I feel for you. I just can’t. BEcause you’re a good person. The kind of person I’d like to meet. The kind of person I’d like to know. But the kind of person I won’t know. The kind of person I can’t know. And I’m just feeling… I can’t stand it anymore. Loving people that can’t and won’t love me back. Loving people I see so much beautiful things, but who won’t see it too. I just can’t. I know my grammar’s not perfect, sorry dudes, I’m drunk. Tomorrow, I’ll see you and […]
I just want to say thank you to a man who has been an incredibly positive, supportive person for me in the past week or so. You are the reason I woke up this morning and realized that I can be beautiful and intelligent and sexy and loved and wanted. Do you know, love, how long it has been since I felt like this? Wait, I never have heh. So thank you, sir ;), you know who you are, for your love, compliments, kind words and advice. I think I may forever be in your debt- and I’m ok with that 🙂 I hope you […]
There are these layers within me. The first one is an ugly smile. I wear it when I can.
The second is my humour. Its black and depressive but effective.
The third is a wall of nothing. It stands there as a last outer defense against this world and all of its people.
The fourth is tears. Those pathetic single-tear dramatisations which reveals and inspires the shame of my being.
The fifth is weeping. The kind when you try to keep silent so nobody hears you but can all see the hiccups of your chest. It lasts for a lifetime. Its the thickest, but most fragile wall. It makes […]
I’m coming to the end of 18 days off. I don’t want to go back. I hate it so much. It’s a constant reminder of how isolated I am. I feel so anxious while I’m there. I can barely function, and people treat me like I’m stupid as a result. And it doesn’t even pay enough to build any kind of life.
But I can’t think of a real alternative. I just want it to stop. I can’t bear the thought of another year wasted there, miserable.