This depression is SO painful. My mind hurts. My chest hurts. I can barely stop crying. I really need to leave this earth so badly. There are little glimmers of hope, like tiny shimmers of light, but they’re gone just as quickly as they appear. Other than that, I worry for my daughter, how selfish of me it would be to bring her into this rotten world and then abandon her here without even me. I worry for my family, they would most likely never get over the grief of losing me, even tho I’m nothing. A burden. Useless. A failure. Still, that’s the way […]
Tag:
Knives
Whenever I wash the dishes, it’s always the knives that get to me. I’m very careful when washing and drying knives by hand. I am particularly careful with chef or butcher knives, especially at my grandfather’s house.
But today, as well as the previous day, I’ve felt suicidal. There are many reasons why I hate knives, and suicide or self-harm is one (or rather two) of those reasons…
Me washing a big knife, drying it, and then putting it into the drawer (with all the other chef knives)… It makes me feel so numb. There I am, standing there, envisioning myself stabbing diagonally, into my chest, from […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
Is it weird that I cut myself with a guitar pick rather than a knife or razor? A guitar pick isn’t sharp at all but I can still manage to dig it into my skin just enough to make it bleed. The mark that’s left behind heals really quickly and is practically gone within 6 hours or so. I like doing this so I can cut myself at school and the mark will be gone by the time I get home so my parents don’t find out… I miss using knives and razors but I’m getting kind of use to this alternative.
Well… I don’t know… I have three older brothers my first brother is 15 years older than me so I pretty much grew up without him, my second oldest brother is 12 years older hes nice sometimes but it seems like he’s always obsessing over me.. He calls me baby and says he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses most of the time forcefully and smacks my butt and I scream at him to stop and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me… He’s my closest brother.. It was so hard for me when he left for college.. I didn’t know […]
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
i’m a boy and i also cut but this poem is for every girl who cut . . im here to love you
by summer_guy
written by summer_guy
You look into your drawer
to find your thing
which can hide your pain
give you relief
But
i want you to know
before you pick up your razor
i love you
and this love is much easier
I will pick you up
when you feel like falling
i will hold you tight
when your razor is calling
i will kiss your eyes
when you tearing apart
i will give you everything
and all the love you want
I will sit with you
share your pain
i will love you everyday
this love will never end
when you will be alone
with your razor and knives
i ll come and say
baby you don’t need this
come with me
i will show you what i believe in
I will take you on […]
Hi..i’m a 16 year old girl and i really don’t know where to begin..
but I will begin by saying i’m suicidal and under a lot of depression…
the cutting has temporarily stopped, but when I get the urge to do it..nothing can stop me.. I will cut myself with anything and everything…
i used bobby pins, box cutters, scissors, knives, plastic, dried up paint, rocks, needles, safety pins…you name it ; I’ve used it..
I had to undergo therapy for it when my mom finally noticed..but it’s all a bunch of bullshit..
nobody really cares if you’re alive or not. and once you die, […]
I hate every second I spend in this hell hole that’s supposed to be my home. I hate looking at my dad, every time I do I feel this surge of resentment. Im tired of being that bastard’s punching bag, the fuck up to blame when things go wrong, the one who’s talents are ignored. I’ve never cut before but tonight I really want to. Everything that’s important to me is ignored, the only thing that gets me noticed is when I get pissed off and snappy, then they yell at me and I’m left crying, trying hard to explain. No one understands, they can’t […]
I’ve struggled for a very very long time, and since i were young i’ve been depressed..
-Always bullied, abused and threatened..
When i were young up till today I’ve been going trough mental and psychical abuse., At my elementary schools i oftenly got threatened with knives and to be beaten up. A few times they even beat me up, hit me in places people couldn’t see the bruises on, and said If I’d tell anyone they’d cut my throat..
I tried to talk to people about it but always got laughed at and they said I’m just making things up, no one is doing such a thing to […]
I haven’t cut in a few weeks. The urge to start cutting again is eating at me. I can’t stop thinking about those razors and knives. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so many different things, but none of the alternative methods are working. I’m tired of trying, I just want to give in to the urge.
We carry the scars on our bodies everywhere we go. We carry the scars on our hearts. We carry the fear someone will see them, we carry the shame when people do. We carry pins, knives, razors. We carry bandaids & disinfectant. We carry a little kernel of hope that we will get out of this. We carry hearts so heavy they drag on the ground. We carry our bloodstained clothes. Sometimes we carry hospital bills for stiches. Othertimes we carry them for therapists. We are the burdens on our families, we are the misunderstood. We are the ones who people stay away from when […]
I hate this house. I hate Ottawa, I hate the whole damn province. I hate what this place has always stood for. Since I moved to this fucking urban wasteland all I’ve felt was angry, depressed and suicidal.
I hate what this house stands for too. In this house all that’s happened was me getting yelled at, me yelling back, me crying, and me being ignored. I hate the kitchen, this is where all the fights happen, this is where all the knives that I can never use are. I hate the living room, I spent an hour there yesterday being explained exactly how I’m nothing […]
I hate this house. I hate Ottawa, I hate the whole damn province. I hate what this place has always stood for. Since I moved to this fucking urban wasteland all I’ve felt was angry, depressed and suicidal.
I hate what this house stands for too. In this house all that’s happened was me getting yelled at, me yelling back, me crying, and me being ignored. I hate the kitchen, this is where all the fights happen, this is where all the knives that I can never use are. I hate the living room, I spent an hour there yesterday being explained exactly how I’m nothing […]
I am 19 and I’ve been cutting myself since I was 15. I cut on my legs so that no one will see them. I do it to distract myself from the sadness and emptiness and the constant thought of suicide. I feel like I’m not going to amount to anything, not going to do anything great with my life and be a complete failure. I’ve kept it a secret all this time. This is my first year in college and one of my new friends found out what I’ve been doing. She’s been tring to get me to stop but she doesn’t know what see’s doing. She […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i […]
I work in a restaurant.
I am constantly surrounded by knives.
God, it’s so damn tempting.
Music is what stops me from cutting…but I can’t really have my headphones in, and I can’t blast death metal in a family restaurant for some reason.
So what am I supposed to do?
It’s so hard not to pick up a steak knife and cut my wrist up.
The only reason I haven’t is thanks to my boss.
My boss is my neighbour, family friend, and my boyfriends father.
I don’t want him to be ashamed of me, because he’s the reason I have my job.
But it’s hard…sometimes I wonder if the urge to cut […]
The first installment to the Notepad saga…. yep, that’s it.
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To Whom It May Concern,
You may think of me as stupid. Ugly. Dumb for meeting my 2 best friends over the internet. Meeting the love of my life over the internet. Stupid for writing this, but you don’t know how I feel. Let me tell you.
Living every day is a fuckin’ chore. Going to school is a chore. Walking, carrying everything I need, and just being on the computer with my love is a chore. Trying to survive without him actually being here is a chore. Without the people who truly understand me. Is it such a […]
Well my name is tess and im 14, im here just saying my story, when i was young i was diganosed with Adhd (attention dificit. Hyoeractive disorder), Â my mum got divorsed with my dad and got with another man, he was wrong, i got bullied allot from him not just physically but mentally too, Â he would just fuck with my head, i got put through walls, knives held up to my throat and much more, i got bullied by an older man than me….. I fiannly got to the age where i could tell someone about it, i told my mum, she didnt belive me, […]
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