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by way of a lamp post, a light..

by fox
written by fox

.. but nothing more than an artificial light.

I can’t seem to be able to express myself properly much anymore. Nor can I express this pain that is so deeply imbedded in my heart and my soul, from there on it has hurt my body badly, and this goes on, and on, in a perpetual cycle. The sun has gone for so long. My spirit has gone for so long. I am debilitated by the relentless pain I continue to carry. It has been 6 months, and in these 6 months I have only learned of more and more that has hurt me so much until […]

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I’m only human

by TreesOfNeon
written by TreesOfNeon

Why am I so mean? Hm, let’s revisit that topic again, friends; I don’t know. I don’t know why I can be so nice and friendly one second, only to turn around and state things that I hate about you. I don’t know why my natural instincts are to push people away and to be alone.

I’m strong? Well, maybe I am. I don’t get too sensitive about seemingly “hurtful” things anymore. I push through problems and life like I was built to.

Why am I like this? Maybe it’s because I dislike life in general. Not because I’m an “attention-seeking little girl” as I’ve […]

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It’s ok giving up sometimes

by KIRA
written by KIRA

Almost a year, time is passing and I’m stuck here waiting for I-dunno-what to accomplish my plan.
Months , crying, hurting myself, blaming myself, feelin’ sorry for myself, suffering for the choices I’ve made, suffering for the things I’ve done and hating every fuckin’ part of me.
There are things in my life I can’t change, I refuse to deal with that.I’m NOT STRONG ENOUGH, and there’s nothing wrong with that, IT’S OK GIVING UP SOMETIMES!.
It’s ok.
I just gave up, just gave up.
Planned my suicide, everything is settled down, I’ve got what I needed, I’m supposed to kill myself last month, but […]

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Logical conclusion?

by tbd
written by tbd

It’s odd, but in reading about the middle-aged men topping the suicide statistics in the US and UK, I have fewer reservations. In reading about suicide prevention and the loss loved ones experienced, i’m not deterred, although the formula that suicide seems viable when emotional pain exceeds coping mechanisms makes sense, it doesn’t seem to fully cover it.

I know there are times when we’re overwhelmed, but today I feel clearer in my head than most (last night’s old Ambien?), and it just seems like a viable course to pursue. I may be kidding myself, but it seems like logistics are the bigger issue.

For […]

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by Kallian
written by Kallian

i just want to cut so bad, i can even see the exact places i’ll do it. my hands shake when i’m not holding something, my skin crawls, and itch that can’t be satisfied. a thirst that wont be quenched. i need to cut. but i’m afraid to even get up. because i know exactly where something is. and if by some chance it’s not there, i know where a lighter is. a burn would last longer, hurt more. give more of a release. but i can’t. it’s wrong, forbidden

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l hate life

by ladyfry
written by ladyfry

my mother died last year. she had cancer. now l am all alone. l have nobody and no one cares. l don’t live in the present. l have no future. l have no quality of life. l am just existing. l have a bunch of sleeping pills and am ready to take them. l hate my life and wish to be dead.

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Thanks gang!

by tbd
written by tbd

I originally joined this site last fall during a very dark spell. I found myself wanting to encourage others, particularly younger folks, who I feared were discouraged and without hope. Then I lost my “remembered” login password, and when I had it, I couldn’t login because the site was unavailable.

But, here I am again. I know this site can be a good place to vent or bare ones soul, and I hope it is frequently used for that, rather than a last plea for help, because … it’s the f—— Internet, and we can’t give one another a hug, or look into […]

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Supersleeper

by Bipolar American
written by Bipolar American

Had some decent sleep at my girl friend’s spot last night. When we woke up, she went to work, I came home a continued my slumber. I’ve probably racked up around 14 hours of sleep.

I’m waiting to hear back from a job that I really don’t want to start. I also am wrapping up some legal trouble that is coming to a head soon.

On the outside looking in, things are coming together. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m about to engage in an upswing and I’m not wanting to, I’ve had enough of the high/low cycle.

I know my days are […]

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My Life So Far

by iliveinsidemyhead
written by iliveinsidemyhead

Hey,

So this is my story of my Depression and search for help.

I live in London and when I made the transition to year 7 it was very hard for me as I’m not great at changes and my aunt died of cancer recently, so I started seeing the school councillor. So it was all going well and helping with the death of my aunt, but after about two year when I was in year 9 another of my aunts died this time it affected me hugely so my mood dropped, so with this I started self harming. So I kept up with the self harm. […]

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Alone

by benedict1981
written by benedict1981

Alone don’t describe how I feel. Even be married and have kids. Alone inside me is always there. Tears and pain the world don’t see. My hand full of pills for my body to seek. Tired and dizzy May this be the last. Sunshine on a darkest soul. Barely able to get out of bed. My thoughts are my worst enemy. The smile on my face is to hide my troubles. Walk around with no emotions left. Everyday is a brand new breath.

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Depression/Suicide Rant

by morrs084
written by morrs084

Okay so i’ve dealt with depression for most of my life.. but more recently it’s gotten worse and i’ve been fairly suicidal for a month. Anyways.. in the past month or so i’ve been told things, advised things, suggested things… and i keep wanting to scream back at them with frustration. So here is my rant, maybe some of you can relate.

1.) Maybe it’s just a seasonal depression, lots of people get sad during winter. -No.. last time i checked i’ve had this for most of my life and the weather should not make someone suicidal

2.) If you’re ever feeling suicidal or thinking about making […]

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fear of suicide

by ravanys
written by ravanys

It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.

Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.

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Lingering

by Izzy1994
written by Izzy1994

Hey guys, I’ve been kind of a lurker here for sometime now. I just joined because I really wanted to speak to a lot of like minded people in terms of suicide. Suicide is something that has been on my mind for a long time now, but it has recently become a stronger fixation since the beginning of this year.  A couple of weeks ago I started feeling like I could feel that the end was near for me and that I would probably die because of my fixation on suicide.  Even now, it feels like I’m at the last step, but the problem is […]

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Disappointment

by andy54
written by andy54

So I disappointed my folks again

I can’t seem to do anything right

i feel like nothing ever goes right for me

why does the nice guy have to finish last

maybe u should stop trying and end it all

I’m such a failure

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Worst and last day EVER!!!

by will_piece_of_shit1170
written by will_piece_of_shit1170

today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]

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my last night

by msquared
written by msquared

tonight is my last night. i’ve already said goodbye and I’m sorry to my mom. but she refuses to accept it. i told her to make sure my note is read by all the people it concerns. she’s in disbelief. my father doesn’t allow me to be upset.
i can’t live with him. it will only be arguing and fighting forever. nothing will get better. and i can’t live without him.
I’m going to see my grandparents one last time tomorrow.
im in the middle of drafting my note. i want to make sure i say everything i need to say.
I’ve tried everything. there […]

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fatigue

by ongaku
written by ongaku

I’m so tired of this nonsense. I can’t stop this school from wearing me down. I’m not even a full teacher in this place. I have to get out of here.

I’m exhausted. But life is far more difficult than this for so many other people. I can’t stand the simple problems of my life because I am not well.

I am watching avideo about the famine in Malawi in the last decade. The emaciated, the sun-baked, the hopeless…

People let the prices of seed and fertilizer go sky high, and the farmers couldn’t grow anything.

I’d have died as a child there.

Perhaps, that is best. People like me […]

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