I’m Carys, and this is my story. It started back in seventh grade, from January to now. I had recently met a girl, Kristin. We clicked right away and life was good. Until summer. One of my friends from before, Olivia, started acting up a bit. She was quieter, and preferred to stay behind more. I got concerned, but she wouldn’t say anything. Later, I discovered Kristin was a lesbian, and she liked me. I was kind of astonished, and I didn’t know what to think. Eventually, I fell in love with her. At the same time, however, Olivia revealed to me she liked Kristin. […]
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Laugh
I’m listening to a song as I work on my project. I do 3D modelling for personal release even if it isn’t comeplete. I’ve been working on an eye since eyes are another thing I’ve drawn well that hasn’t stopped. Eyes see everything even what they brain doesn’t process. Pain, happniess, sadness, weakness, strength joy, it see the world and what you see is reflected in them when the camera captures you in a freeze.
My eyes see the blurr frm tears that won’t fall. I’m still doing anything to distract myself because I have no real hope anymore. Just a passive motion. I’m […]
lately all i can do is laugh, its all so fucking funny,
its funny how i am such a pathetic person that has pity on himself while nothing bad enough has happened to me, its also funny how everything hurts, its funny that i am writing this and i am only now realising how terrible i am feeling, its funny how i can’t stop hating myself for a second. its funny how i never have any rest, its funny how i keep telling myself i don’t care , its funny how i love pain, how i love being treated like shit by my father, i […]
Have you ever wanted to get out of your life? out of your skin?
Why do i have to suffer?
I just want a different life, i want to be happy
i want this pain to go away
I can’t even feel anything anymore, nothing makes me laugh or even smile. I am just a broken mirror, useless and worthless.
I feel cold, joyless, hopeless, helpless and broken
There is no one to talk to ,I’m all alone in this painful world
I just want one day of happiness, just one day in a different life
I want someone to guide me, to hold my hand and take […]
I honestly don’t know anything anymore, I’m not sure why I am here, what my purpose is, or why I do any of the things I do, but I do them. My suicidal tendencies continue to stay in my mind, and in the last 24 hours they have grown considerably. Now that I think about it, the last time I left the house to do anything social was months ago, sometime around February. That part I don’t fully understand more than most things. I consider myself, and I’ve been told by other they consider me, to be a kind person, quite fun and a good […]
My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.
My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.
Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the […]
I’ve hit rock bottom. Depression has been biting me my whole life, and I let it influence me so much, my grades dropped so much I’m getting kicked out of school. Don’t know if I would cry or laugh about it, cause I’m so pathetic.
Anyways, anyone feel they relate? If only this decision to end this bullshit won’t affect my mom, dad, and sister, I would be easily and freely slipping into non existence right now.
My mother tuts and scolds me when I say things like how I think she and the rest of the family would have been better off without me, but I think I’m right. I’ve been a financial and emotional burden for most of my life, and now I suppose it’s mostly financial, but what does it matter.
My mom’s boyfriend flipped out on me a couple nights ago, what triggered it is still kind of a mystery, but apparently he had a real bone to pick because he screamed abuse at me for the better part of an hour. It wouldn’t bother me if none of […]
this is the angriest poem I’ve ever written. It cones from the deepest footings of my hatred. Enjoy
I split my arms open every night to endure
The pain I am put through each day
All the fakeness all the lies I see through
Has done nothing to save my faith
I want to watch you burn. I want to see you die.
I want to see the light leave your eyes as I kiss you goodbye
And laugh the way you did when I tried to kill myself
You said that you’d be there for me
That’s one cut
You said that you’d stay true
That’s two
May 31, 2012
9:30 p.m
I feel nothing. I feel useless, dull, and dead. I want to die. I’ve thought of dying. I need help. I NEED HELP! I have so much work to do I feel like I’m drowning, I feel empty. I feel like I have no emotions, I feel lifeless, that my life has no meaning. Nobody understands, at least I don’t think so. They all say it will get better or to suck it up. I can’t suck it up; my body and mind are betraying me! I know intellectually that I need to do things but then my mind […]
this is really hard for me to post this.
i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.
it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]
So after keeping everything bottled up inside me I decided I have to share my real feelings.
Hmm…where to start? I guess when everything began.
I had just moved to this town in Texas because my father’s in the military. I was excited about the new experience. I had my heart set on going to this cool elementary school, Cielo Vista, but I couldn’t. So I had to go to Bliss, one of the worst elementary schools in the city. Thank god I was only there for 5th grade. Anyways, I was always a bit on the sad side. But when I got here, everything seemed to […]
It’s like you’re trapped inside yourself, you can’t escape unless you allow yourself to escape- but there’s a cage there preventing your escape and every time you manage to break one of the walls down, another higher wall builds up, separating you from everything and everyone else and making escape all the more impossible. And the more you try, the harder it gets. And you’re trapped inside yourself, so you’re sitting there and everything hurts and you want to curl up and cry for hours, but you continue to just sit there, somehow feeling numb and being in pain at the same time. And you […]
I went on my first date with Jasmine. Although it took nearly forever to get to see her (about 2 hours), I got to see her and whatever deity or unknown force decided to fuck off today.Â
Alex, her brother was there too. He understands the situation now and so does my brother, I love Jasmine and there’s nothing that will change it.Â
Even though I feel sexual thoughts for her, let me tell you that since she’s a girl, and I’m a guy, then that means… I will get sexual feelings for her? Yeah thats right.Â
But I was so nervous it took me till we were […]
Most people would say I have a pretty average life. I have two married parents and a healthy sister. I don’t have or know everything in fashion, but I do dress decently. I have some acne. My hair frizzes out from time to time. And I have plenty of friends.
But what they don’t know is this. My two married parents talk about divorce. They fight all the time. Even my mom is a recovering alcoholic. My sister may be healthy, but she tells me I don’t deserve to live, nobody likes me. My clothes have to cover my back because the […]
I don’t know why but today I felt hopeful and optimistic and confident.
And while the world has thrown some good social interaction at me today, I am bombarded with this crippling discouragement. In any other way, she would react like everyone else today, accepting! But no matter how many people laugh with me, or are nice to me today, she is mentally pushing me aside.
Why? Why can’t my good feelings be rewarded? I don’t want to be depressed again, and yet, whenever I am happy I become attacked.
I need help! I feel I’m in the inbetween, and I don’t want to drown again! Please don’t […]
My life is so miserable because my parents are separated and my mom and dad doesn’t care about me anymore…. and I am so ugly that my classmates always laugh at my face and nobody wants to befriend with me because im ugly.I dont have friends and i am very poor and everybody hates me because im too shy to befriend with them and they always tease me and embarass me infront of my classmates.When i look at the mirror i always cry because im so ugly that nobody wants to be with me even my parents laugh at may face, im an outcast.I always […]
Hello, everyone.
Not so sure what to say. This is my first time ever posting anything on a website for, like, 3 years. So please bear with me 🙂
Basically, I literally feel entirely worthless.  When I was growing up, my mom was an emotionally distant alcoholic, and my dad was emotionally and physically abusive. They were both also extremely over-protective and critical of me. My dad is probably the most negative person I’ve ever met. I don’t think I have ever heard him say one positive thing about me and really meant it. When I was younger I tried to over-achieve and impress him, but the […]
I have been so sad, so hurt, i felt mad, i felt so bad. But its gone now, i don’t feel anymore, I dont care, And it feels so great.
I sat here for a while and listened and tried to help  your problems, while no one really did the same for me, but how can they? How can you help someone with a problem if you are that problem?. You can’t, so i didn’t expect much, But anyways, fuck it. Its finally over, no longer do i care, no longer will i sit here and try to help you with your life, I got my […]
I love the taste of your lips and how it feels. I love how you make everything feel completely un-real.
I love how you REALLY make me laugh and smile. I love how this has lasted for a while.
I love how no matter what they say you still look me in the eyes. I love how when I’m with you for once I don’t want to die.
I love how you give me hugs. I love how you actually are attracted to my ugly mug.
I love your eyes. I love how they stare back into mine.
I love how this feels so real. I love that our relationship is such […]