What I plan on listening to while leaving our beautiful planet
Tag:
leaving
I lost someone who I thought loved me. I took on this new way of thinking & living & he left. No more sexual pleasures for God wants me to wait on my husband is what I told him. I guess that sex is all he cared about. I don’t know how to feel. Part of me thinks that him leaving was the best thing for me but most of me is sad & hurt. Should I just give it to him or should I be obedient? Why is this even a question. Putting a man before God. What is wrong with me?
I feel terrible for pushing him away; for the way I push and shove and keep him at a distance.
I’ve done this dozens of times. He won’t let me do it to him, he says. I laugh because they all say that.
I self-destruct. I don’t know what to do with my pain, and so I turn it back on myself. I make them leave, then I tell myself I deserved it, that it was bound to happen.
It’s been three months. Three months of calling me beautiful, inside and out. From stopping my wounds from bleeding out with his bare hands. Telling me he can handle […]
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I […]
Gettn super high tonight leaving the drinking for tomorrow. So yeah ima be up allnight. Its sad that the only way i can get some sleep is by being drunk.
hey.
so, I’ve been married a year and a half. Everything seemed fine. These past couple months my husband has been telling me that I’m fucking useless, I dont care about his house, he married me because i was desperate, I need to lose some weight, I should only use only room in the house, we shouldn’t have gotten married, he jokes about leaving and cheating on me. He’s called me stupid multiple times. I’m tired of walking on egg shells because I don’t know what will set him off. I’m tired of going to sleep crying every night because of the worthlessness I feel.
if this […]
Hey SP,
It’s currently 3:00am on the 1st of January 2016 as I write this, and I don’t know how to feel.
I’m kind of glad that I’ve made it another year. This means that I’m another year closer to leaving home (only a year and 8 months to go now) which I’ve been waiting for since I was 13 years old. I’ve also started looking at university options and jobs so that I can save up enough money by the time I get to university to live fairly decently. Or the money will be used if I end up leaving home before then. Either […]
From everything I’ve known; my job, family, and the only life I’ve ever known. I feel so stuck, no purpose or motivation to do anything anymore, and I’m seriously contemplating leaving the States for Canada even though there’s nothing for me there (job, home, or friends). I’d be a stranger in a strange land, but even that sounds more appealing then what I’m facing right now. I just want to getaway even if I’m running away from my problems; does anyone else ever feel this way?
I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.
I’ve said numerous times that I felt crazy, but nothing compares to this.
I feel so impulsive it scares me, like I can barely control myself. The anxiety is near constant and so overwhelming that my body becomes s0 physically agitated that I can’t stand it- at times I’ll cry and clutch my stomach, writhing in mental and sometimes physical pain.
I am so angry and sad and betrayed and- it feels like there is too much going on in my head. I know, rationally, I don’t want to lash out in anger, but the urge and pain is so strong. I know, rationally, that I could get through […]
I can’t stand it when my mom comes home. She is usually home 2-3 days a week. She always has something bad to say to me. Today I mentioned to my parents about a stomach pain that’s been happening for almost a week now. And she told me I’m faking it. Its nothing. Just take some zantac etc. I’ve had stomach problems for the last two months on and off and still haven’t been to the doctors. My dad finally spoke up and said maybe I should go to the doctor. Anyways my mom…honestly sucks. She never has anything nice to say about me. It’s […]
It’s me i haven’t killed myself yet still thinking of January or just before. My father may have something wrong with his kidneys and i don’t want to watch him die my god mother has something wrong with her heart and i know death is approaching fast so my death must approach i am only worried about leaving my mom without money especially if dad dies im a big part of what keeps money coming in.i don’t know how to change that in fact it breaks my heart.i know they’ll be looked after by god even after im gone i just worry about them.im not […]
I don’t know how to resolve the conflict within myself. I’ve been trying for so long to figure out a compromise between the different elements of my mind. But there isn’t one. And I don’t think I can let go of either of them.
One is entirely superficial. All it wants is instant, unrestricted gratification. It doesn’t care about consequences, or the limitations of reality. It will accept no denial. Giving in to it brings temporary elation, but once satisfied it fades into the background, leaving only nagging discontent. Denying it removes any feelings of satisfaction in anything, leaving only despair.
The other is appalled by the […]
I am going to kill myself at the end of the week. I have an unpleasant meeting mid-week and I want to give it a day of buffer on either side. I’m not killing myself because of this stupid meeting, and don’t want it to look that way. I *could* leave a note, but justifying my suicide would do more harm than good, and leaving a listing things that *weren’t* a factor would be confusing.
I’m sick of dragging myself through life. I’m in my late twenties and have been suicidal since my early teens. Why I didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. That would […]
I’ve decided Monday is the day. As soon as my son goes to school, I will leave to die. I was going to use pills, but, decided on a gun instead. I keep putting it off, because I think things will get better, but they don’t. I’m at peace knowing that I will be pain free in a few days. It’s nice to know that people will be relieved when I go. I won’t be a burden or annoyance anymore.
As you have comments off I decided to make this post. You have been part of SP for such a long time (with more names than I can keep track of lol). Yet I don’t see you say much about you. Usually you are giving good advice or leaving posts on other subjects like football. So your latest post has me worried. Want to talk? Here or email. Sometimes we find ideas or hope in the oddest places.
It’s my username at hot mail c om
I lived with this disease for many years and have yet to achieve peace. I have been able to hide it from many people by pushing them away when it gets bad. I want to leave so badly to make it all end, but I don’t have it in me (yet) to leave my young son. I know my wife is planning on leaving me and due to my condition, she will get full custody. I am not really sure what to do. Part of me wants to pack a bag & head somewhere to make it all go away and the other part is […]
I am hellish.
It took me a while to finish that sentence. Today, I was exposed to the revelation that I am that friend. That person; I am changing. I found myself today, in one of those common ruts, depressed and anxious to the extent that I could not keep a facade on my face.
These friends of mine are lovely. They do not judge me openly. They listen. The trouble is, you never know what they’re thinking, hearing you speak, watching you move – or not move at all. But today I did something I never have done. I demanded affection.
A friend […]
My hands are trembling. I really want to, but it is wrong. I should’nt feel like this. It is wrong. Which sane person gets pleasure from pain. Self inflicted pain. But it sets me free. It sets my soul free atleast for a while. And the scars lighten and disappear eventually. It’s not like i am murdering someone or even commiting suicide. It helps me put things in perspective. My mind isn’t clouded anymore. I forget my sorrow and pain. The emotional pain. It disappears. The sting takes over all that I am feeling. I can cope with it. Yes. I know I want to. […]
I hope you don’t mind me making a post for this.
I’ve seen you leaving loads of comments here lately, including on my long rants. They’re often long and always thoughtful and helpful, and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate them. 🙂 You’re a light here.