I should have given up a long time ago… and each day that i live… I regret not leaving the last time. I just give up… There is NO HOPE!!! Nothing would change!!!! I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO STOP!
So I’ve been feeling a lot better lately than I have in years [Thank you my lovelies 🙂 ], however I still possess a strong urge to cut. And I really, really, really want to nip this habit in the bud. I am tired of leaving blood marks on my sheets and my jeans and my sweaters; I have tried replacing it with different activities (writing, jamming out to my favorite tunes) but my mind just goes back to it. Any suggestions? I am all ears.
Memories are fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. Exactly two years ago, we were sitting and folding the clothes into the container, chatting excitedly about the days ahead. We enjoyed going to the supermarket so much and made a list of the things to buy. We prepared a lot of things to start living on our own. Exactly that morning of September 2013, we were speeding under the hot sun, towards the future yet unknown, leaving everything else behind. It was exactly this time of that year that we, young and foolish, abandoned the dank room, the jealous accusations, the fearsome […]
Nothing feels good anymore
When I’m wrong leaving pieces where they should be
Tonight I feel lonelier then ever. I have absolutely no one to spend time with.
I decided to go movies but have ended up drinking alone at an empty bar haha. Fuck I’m lonely
I just want someone who is excited and willing to reach out to me to hang out. I see all my friends leaving hand in hand. Then there’s just me. I have no one.
I like life but I wish I didn’t have to live. That is to say I wish I didn’t need the things necessary to live in order to go on living. If […]
The latest in a series of shitty things that are happening to me is that my best friend has decided that she hates me. I had never shared with her anything about my depression until I learned that she had tried to kill herself and was put into a mental hospital, that was six months ago. Yesterday night me and her had been drinking, I told her I didn’t want to drink because I don’t like how she gets when she’s drunk. She didn’t listen and got very angry and upset. She wanted me to move in with her, but I don’t have the money […]
Normal. Kissing a man. Normal. Friends. Body contact/hugs, kisses. Normal. Couple with a baby. Normal. Walking up the stairs, riding a bike, doing sports. Normal. Mother, father, family. Normal. Driving a car. Being slim. being blonde. Fuck the media, the picture you are showing us is “NORMAL”. Normal. Normal. Normal. I am SICK of this normal world!!!
Empty from crying. Tomorrow to work again. smile, you’re on camera. being watched. don’t cry in public – you may be considered as being mentally ill in this society.
I have the easiest wish a human being can have. Somebody LOVE me. Someone, anyone, lay your arms around me and […]
I’m nervous about leaving my stuff behind. Im nervous of getting caught. I’m nervous of having to jump coz all trains are built the same. I’ve never been so nervous. I just want the suffering over with.
I am a 23 year old guy and I have been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition called lupus. What this means is that my immune system finally caught up with my brain and started hating itself as much as I did before I even knew what the word “lupus” meant. My body is destroying itself and if I choose to keep living, I will live every day for the rest of my life in pain with the looming threat of facing severe organ damage or becoming permanently bedridden. Having lupus means that something as innocent as spending 2 minutes in the sun could cause my immune system to […]
I wish the world was like in my imagination. I’m on my computer all day and I like looking up random images, like this one:
and putting a positive spin on it. Pictured are guards from concentration camps (in case you can’t see the photo or don’t know their history, they are very mean people). But it’s nice to imagine that in reality they aren’t that bad. They are a group of friends hanging out, having guiltless fun, not torturing people or having bad thoughts […]
Now I am different
They have changed me
But I still hold that
There are too many people
I cannot bear them
They torment me with their jokes
Still the evil of noises
Is the beating of their hearts
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear it
Stop! Stop beating
Don`t you see? I`m not too lucky
Still you pump blood and
You grow in number
Coming over me in flocks
I cannot bear you
I`m trying to get rid of you
In my dreams I hear
The thunderings of your heartbeats
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear […]
I tried to help a friend – a dear dear friend
It backfired – he hates me
I have nothing nothing left
I am leaving tonight – probably in a few minutes
They may not find me – hopefully not
My kids deserved better
My friend deserved better
I am sorry God
I tried
I failed
And the world is no more worse off than when I entered
Now I leave no more breathing, no more tears
I’m done
Goodbye
Here I go. Wish me luck. Wish me destiny actually. No such thing as luck. Driving for the border. I have no insurance and my plates arent registered nor do I have my E-test. But, you only live once. YOLO! My journey begins!
Your pain is truly tragic.
You hoped and dreamed.
However the world just
isn’t they way you planned.
It isn’t what you imagined.
Yet you sit here and say
“I will kill myself,
and make the pain go away.”
But it’s just a hope,
that something is better.
That leaving is going to be grand.
But what if,
it’s not quite,
what you hoped,
and dreamed,
it would be.
It’s not what you
Imagined,
not what you wanted.
Well doll,
there’s no going back.
My first post…
I often think of how welcoming of death I am. Some say they are scared, I am not. If I could only wave a wand and poof!
I have many many things in my life to be thankful for, particularly two kids that I could never see leaving.
i battle depression alone. My wife is the only person that knows, but she would never understand the thoughts in my head.
i have no real direction with this post, just rambling. I’m just excited to be here. I will post again.
just wanted to introduce myself.
I think about killing myself every single day, and I don’t think it’s gonna go away. I think about where I would do it, how I would do it, and who is even worth leaving my last few words for. I just don’t think I’ll make it passed high school anymore, I will be dead by then. And the thing is, I’m okay with that.
If my friends and family woke up one day and found out that I killed myself. Would they care? I don’t feel like they would honestly.
Its been a while. Things have been going better than they normally do for me right now, so I’m really wondering why I feel like things are about to just go to hell. This year’s been pretty shit. I’ve been alone and lonely my whole life, and I’ve finally made some friends to keep that depression at bay – I really do love these people, they make me the happiest I’ve ever been. I guess you could call them the rebellious type, but I don’t exactly know what they’re rebelling against – they drink, do drugs, that kind of thing. Its been good for me […]
No more heart or diabetes meds………..time to let nature take its course. I flushed them all down the toilet.
I’m not angry or seeking to hurt anyone. What I am, is lonely to the point of exhaustion. There is nothing out “there” because there is nothing in “here”, no value, no worth and no reason to exist. I know it sounds dramatic, but I just want to rest, to sleep and be at peace.
I could be here for days, weeks, months or even years more. I don’t know.
There was an actor named George Sanders. His most famous film, I would say, was All About Eve, which […]
Here’s a piece of advice for anyone who needs it. Enjoy life. Even when all feels hopeless, enjoy life. Happiness, we chase a dream but it doesn’t exist. There is no pure happiness, we have to settle for 50/50. Peace of mind.
Life is what you make it? Partly true. Life can give you stones instead of lemons sometimes. It takes courage to face these problems. Believe in yourself and love yourself no matter what. Because there is always someone else in your shoes. Don’t let a bad past or things that have happened to you follow you through your life. No it’s not easy, life […]
Its so strange that i have a wife and 2 beautiful children and to anyone else they would think i have nothing to be depressed about but it doesnt work like that, i do love my children but i dont chose to have the feelings i do, it just happens and i cannot shake the dark days.
I did love my wife and hope i still do, by that i mean the depression is so overpowering it can cloud how i really feel about people so i dont know my feelings which is worse than knowing you do or dont love someone.
I often feel […]