.Im hoping to find some like minded people (just one person will be Enough)…who DONT think that suicide is wrong and who, like me, feel it can possibly be a very compassionate act to relieve a painful OR Unsatisfying Life. I want to go for reasons I can explain later but I havnt worked out all the details yet. So its not an exact immediate thing and fortunately Im not so miserable YET as to do ANYTHING to leave. If this resonates with anyone , I would very much appreciate speaking to someone like minded. I dont feel afraid at all of the […]
I’m not really a touchy feely kind of guy but since she left I feel as I can’t continue. I’ve got 96 pills and two bottles of wine. I feel bad about doing it at my mothers but there’s really no other option. Gave the house to my ex. The last ten months and three weeks have been torture. I’ve only survived that long because of my son but I can’t do it any more. Imagine what it feels like to want to die but having to push on, I can’t go on any longer. I went to the doctors today. They told me to […]
I’ve been in therapy for a while, meds, doctors, everything for nearly a year now.
sometimes it’s easier, i don’t have the constant rush of suicidal thoughts and images, i know what my triggers are and how to stay away.
and i have friends and family that love and support me. good job. own place. own car. pretty decent life, on the outside.
they don’t know that this dark hole of suck is still eating at me inside. lately it’s been particularly bad, which is how i found this site. I’m tired, and even surrounded by people, extremely lonely. i feel hideously ugly and worthless, there are days […]
I’ve started counceling the other week, and the second session she asked me why i cannot keep eye contact with anyone.. I didn’t explain to her why .. once somebody told me it kills them to look into my eyes because all they see is pain.. She also began to tell me i have created a well put together mask and she cannot figure it out. I don’t believe i need to go to counceling, I have nothing to talk to her about. Am i suppose to sit there and tell her how constantly i plan out my suicide, how perfectly it is put […]
First time I tried to kill myself, I was 16. I overdosed and was hospitalised. I was raped and bullied. I left hospital and ignored calls from the police.
For the next five years, I felt myself losing a sense of who I was. A straight-A, goody two shoes, quit college (UK meaning of the word). I started over, but skipped school a lot. I ended up getting two As and a B at A Level. I got into a good university to study law, but I think they just wanted my money from international fees. I got a 2:1 with honours, but by the scrape […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]
I feel like I’m literally the worst person in the world. I look at myself each day in the mirror and resist the urge to punch my reflection into a bunch of tiny pieces. Nobody really cares about me. I guess I don’t really care about them, either. But that’s not true, because if I didn’t give a damn about anyone, I’d be dead right now. I’d be able to do this, and never have to worry about anything ever again.
I’m mean to others. I told my ex-Boyfriend that I hoped his mother, who is suffering from cancer, would die an agonizing death from it. […]
BY ANNE SEXTON
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention,
the furniture you have placed under the sun.
But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.
Twice I have so simply declared myself,
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.
In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.
I did not think […]
I saw someone write that they are Sisyphus and I thought it was poetically fitting for people in our condition. I myself am Atlas, damned to carry the world on my shoulders without given a moment to shrug. We are all legends and gods in our own right. Perhaps that’s why our deaths are so tragic.
I’ve finally decided to take that final step and let the world roll from my shoulders. I’ll give myself a month to tie loose ends and let my family adapt. I told them I’ll be leaving in a month. They think I’m just going to move away, having no idea. […]
I was really hoping to just slip away in my sleep last night but, like most things in my life, im just not that lucky. It used to be nights were the toughest for me. For some reason now, its mornings. I hate waking up with no one around. I hate the fact that I cant see my girls faces before leaving for work. They are always the first thing on my mind. I wake up in tears missing them. Why cant I just escape.
“Amnesia”
( by 5 Seconds of Summer )
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fineAre you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
‘Cause I’m not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you […]
No worth in putting up with bullshit just to save nothing but a pathetic little thing ready to be thrown away. I see a lot of people marking their leaving with their birthday. Well, mine is this Tuesday. Still stumped on what I should do. I only thought of it today. I almost have no motivation to even come on SP anymore. But my mind is clearer when i expel my muddled brain somewhere. And, well, if I’m going to do it, may as we’ll keep it hidden from the real world and be able to go through with everything more easily.
im getting on a train today
the bells are ringing, the choir sings
i cant hear through the deafing noise
im no longer a child, i dont need these toys
they say to leave the past behind
the bells are ringing i step in time
whos in the lead? are we running circles
isnt that how it always feels
leave your troubles, the scar it heals
im departing on a train today
i dont know where im going but i cant stay
the doors they close
suffocation, is it a trap?
i leave everything ive ever know
but ive always roam, just me alone
what is it im leaving behind?
better yet what will come in time?
im leaving on a train […]
I’m doing this today evening. Don’t know what to do now. I packed everything I’m gonna need (not much, I won’t have a lot to carry), now I just need to get dressed and then I’m leaving but I have no idea where and how should I spend all those hours until evening. Can’t talk to anyone today because I have a big mouth and I’d just tell them everything. I regret not finding a suicide partner a few days earlier, when I was thinking about it, a day spent with another person wouldn’t be so long and boring. I miss my friends so badly […]
In 11th grade, everything began to fall apart. I lost all motivation in everything. I had to accept the reality that I would be graduating high school, and many of my friends would be gone from my life. I stopped studying because I didn’t see a point. I had realised that I was completely alone and helpless in life. My friends wouldn’t be with me forever. They could never fully understand me. I began to wonder why I was living. Emotions were something that were very important to me, but I realised that to the universe, they are meaningless. I could fall in love with […]
You could look at your family right now and judge them just by looking at them because no one knows their family better than a outsider. I’m the type of person who doesn’t talk much, but feels a lot. Keeps everything in and listens to others. Having parents who smoke weed and drink alcohol everyday, gives you a different look on things. You mature faster, but don’t make good decisions. I smoke weed and yet my parents tell me not to. They think I don’t know about it but actually I take their weed and call them hypocritical. I’ve cut myself and I’m not proud […]
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide: drink until they stop screaming your name. I’m down to my last drink, time to sell my things. Pack my bags and never look back. Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks. Make my getaway. How the hell did it end up like this? Why wasn’t I able to see the signs that I missed and try and turn the tables? I would stand in the wind, I was free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. […]
Absolute reality, if it exists, doesn’t matter to the individual. What matters is the individual’s perception of reality because that’s all he or she knows. With that in mind, at what point does your subjective reality shift away from absolute (or should I say ‘collective’) reality?
This is what I mean: you might sleep about 6-10 hours a day, and the rest of the time you’re awake and conscious of reality. Well what if, through drugs or other means, you sleep 20 hours a day, leaving only 4 hours of “reality”? Do those 4 hours become insignificant?
I know what you’re thinking… of course not. Because our […]
Just thought I’d poll thoughts about this.
No note could create legal problems for others (i.e., wondering whether someone had a poisoning motive). The absence of a note may leave others wondering, which may be good or bad.
Leaving a note may be a means of providing reassurance or useful instructions. (I’m not talking about the kind of note designed to blame and hurt others.)
Thoughts?
This isn’t going to last very long.
And when it’s over I’m leaving. For good.