In 11th grade, everything began to fall apart. I lost all motivation in everything. I had to accept the reality that I would be graduating high school, and many of my friends would be gone from my life. I stopped studying because I didn’t see a point. I had realised that I was completely alone and helpless in life. My friends wouldn’t be with me forever. They could never fully understand me. I began to wonder why I was living. Emotions were something that were very important to me, but I realised that to the universe, they are meaningless. I could fall in love with someone but that would never prevent them from leaving me. I could solve a problem, then forget how I solved the problem, or forget the entire problem. It’s an awful feeling to be living when you know that you are actually dying each day. Imagine being told that you will live the rest of your life with Alzheimer’s. You know that you’ll forget how old your children are, who your wife is, what your name is, how to brush your teeth, and so on. All you can do is wait for everything to fade away, as your body slowly decays into the ground.
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That post was kind of everywhere, but I get the gist of what you were saying,at least I think. But, before I go on, on you suicidal, or just depressed?
Hello, I’m depressed, and you are?
Seriously though, I felt worst in twelfth grade, when I went to a mental ward. I didn’t feel like living at all. Now I just kind of keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to go back to that place. I’d rather be dead.
I was admitted into a mental hospital before as well, after my last attempt, and I know how you feel about keeping your mouth shut. From the looks of it you’re having the same reaction almost every kid has before they go to college. But, don’t look forward to something that won’t happen for at least a year. Enjoy it while it lasts. One more question, have you ever attempted suicide, or just talk about it?
I’ve not really attempted it. It’s just something I think about. I’ve wanted to, but never had the bravery to do it.
Well then it appears you don’t really want to, if you did you would have at least attempted to. They way I see it, you’re just exaggerating a normal emotional moment. Talk to somebody neutral. Someone who won’t overreact nor someone who’ll shrug it off. Personally I don’t believe you’re suicidal, just overreacting to normal teenage emotions.
Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who will take this neutrally. People either do shrug it off, or take it very seriously, from my experience. I’ve abandoned all of my friends because I didn’t want to see their reactions. The only person I really talk to this about is with my therapist, who just exists.
Well then write a journal, I know it sounds fruity, but it really helps.
All right, I suppose I can do that. I don’t see how it would really help, but I’ll give it another try.