Alone don’t describe how I feel. Even be married and have kids. Alone inside me is always there. Tears and pain the world don’t see. My hand full of pills for my body to seek. Tired and dizzy May this be the last. Sunshine on a darkest soul. Barely able to get out of bed. My thoughts are my worst enemy. The smile on my face is to hide my troubles. Walk around with no emotions left. Everyday is a brand new breath.
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Hey guys. well, where to start. I’ve always had suicidal thoughts. when I was 17 my first serious girlfriend left me for her ex. I went through a long stage of depression. for at least 6 months. I wrote a long suicide note to my family one night when I was certain I was going to kill myself. I was in bed, left the note laying on the floor. I had a plastic bag put it over my head waited a couple of minutes…I could slowly feel myself drifting away. but as I was about to fall into the ‘no going back zone’ I had second thoughts […]
The word ‘MoM’ doesn’t only mean the person who held me nine months but let me say ‘ my doctor, my teacher , my best friend and of course my soul. Mommy if you could just see my heart , i will show you the love I have for you and your name ‘Khadijah’ craved in my heart.
I do believe in love from first sight? Do you know why mommy?! It is because since I was born and opened my eyes I saw you and loved you .Years past […]
A vast majority if my life as been spent sedate. Â This may seem like a bad thing. Perhaps it has stifled my coping mechanism. Either way the reality I the situation is this. when I was 16 I attempted Suicide. My parents foun me my stomach was pumped an I spent 9 weeks in the mental ward at the hospital, as long as another 5 months at a day treatment program. Truthfully at that time I wanted help. it seemed to me the more that I tried to use the services around me. The worse I really was, or the worse the people overseeing me […]
This has been said to me a lot. Did I really get better before? If so, how could the darkness overcome me so hard and fast again? Why doesn’t the darkness slowly recede, but continue to get darker and darker. Maybe I never did get better.
I was forced into therapy and meds about 10 years ago. Well, forced is too strong a word. I guess I could say I was pressured into it. I was just following orders. People know I’m weak and fold easily, will do what they say. Whatever, I’m deviating from the main point of this rant.
So was I better after that? […]
I started cutting my self yesterday and I have probably around 70 scars on my left arm, and I don’t know what to do. They’re not that deep, but seriously, 70 scars are insane for what seems like the equivalent of 35 hours.
I need help, but I just can’t do anything. If my psychiatrist or parents see this, I’ll get stuck in a mental hospital. If my “friends” see this, they’ll think I’m crazy and leave me. If my family sees this, they’ll tell the rest of my family and I’ll be labeled as insane. Cutting feels so good, I just can’t stop. And these […]
Long story short.
My wife left me. lost all my possessions ,car , dogs etc. ended up going to jail after a argument with father in law. now on probation living on a couch stuck with 9000.00 in fines etc. jobless can’t find a job now that I’m a felon. Facing a violation for not paying cause I have no money. I was on meds for severe depression but have none now. I’ve tried once to end it already while I was locked up. I’m just tired why keep going it just gets worse. I don’t even remember what its like to be happy.
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We were married […]
i hung in there with you through thick and thin..you threw me away now im the one thats left wondering why and what i did so wrong for you to walk away like what we had meant nothing to you.
you are just like the rest taking what you want and giving nothing, i actually loved you so fucking much it hurt me everyday.
why cant i just be accepted or find happiness i cant remember the last time i smiled and meant it..ah well the world wont have to put up with me for much longer!
many times have i told myself that i will succeed in life and be a good person but there’s that voice in my head that bullies me from day in and day out. “you’re no good.”,”that girl is laughing at you right now for being such a retard.”,”Why are you even alive?” questions just flow through my head like nothing. i don’t understand how people expect me to succeed academically when i cant get my mind straight. I get it that school should be my only focus right now but at the same time how can i focus when i have therapy after school, […]
Where are you now? I used to feel you in everything I did. I used to feel you in the wind, the water, my heart. Now.. I feel nothing. It’s like you never existed. It’s like you were never apart of me. You could make me cry, in a way that wasn’t tragic, but beautiful. You brought me joy and happiness. You brought my heart and mind peace. You took away the darkness and the pain. You stopped the tears and the hurt. Now you’re nowhere to be found, and I feel everything more than ever. I feel the pain and hurt like someone stabbing […]
So there’s this girl, she always felt lost and alone in this big world. It seemed like nothing would ever go right. She doesn’t know who her dad is and her mom only cared about the next guy in line to be with. She seen her mom go thru hell and back. She helped her mom thru all her drug addictions but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never get her mother’s love. When she was young her mom dropped her off at her ex husbands house cause she couldn’t take care of her and she thought it was the best […]
Had to take a break from the world…. now im back talking and seeing people!! Its going to be my tio’s anniversary friday 5 years when he left this world
Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,
the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.
Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,
those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.
We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,
but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.
I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,
it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.
You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,
I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.
And yet everyday I wake […]
I dug myself a hole of depression. Now I’m stuck, so the only thing left to do is keep on digging and see where it leads. Well I found where it leads, in a girl from somewhere and a guy from somewhere.
Suicide- according to them is the answer; end result or whatever you want to call it. However, I live in fear of the day I’m told I’m going to die. Ironic, considering I want it most in the world some times.
Of coarse everyday I tell myself and numerous others that I’m “fine”. Which I am. I mean there is literally no other word to […]
Theres fire in her eyes,
And a spark in her soul.
There’s flames in her mind,
And her heart is a hole.
There’s an ocean in her eyes,
And a waterfall pouring down her face.
There’s a deep blue color within them,
As the tears began to race.
There’s no hope in her eyes,
No faith in her heart.
There’s nothing left to cling to,
As her world is falling apart.
when your ex-valentine (to whom you were married to for years, and whom you still adore and love deeply) has left you, and may be with another ?
My friends.. Before.. They were all I had and what made me stay.
But they saw how people began to hate me.. And decided they didn’t want to be seen with me.. So they all left.
Now I’m here, still depressed.
All alone.
Friendless.
Feeling so useless to the world.
I mean, why live anymore??
No reason anymore.
on dec 3rd of 2004 2 years after my grandmother past away and i was dealing with bullies, school, and family problems.My brother just told our parents that he was gay, now you can imagine what mom and dad were going through, well that night they had went out and i was home alone i found a box cutter and hid it in my room. well after mom and dad left i wrote the note made sure i told them i loved them, and i filled the sink with hot water and put both wrist in the water after grabbing the box cutter and placing […]
Endless hours of unbearable pain.
Unbearable pain that cannot be explained
Why do I have to feel this way?
Can’t this feeling of hopelessness just go away?
I am so tired, so fed up
Can’t I just die, get it over with?
I don’t want to try anymore
I can’t try anymore
I have nothing left inside of me.
I had enough
I had enough
Why do I have to feel like this?
I want to end my life
I just can’t take this anymore
Please just let me die
The world would be better of